pepperlandgirl, the problem was partially your tone and partially a general guy stereotype. Guys as a group seem to be genuinely stupid about romance. (It’s a stereotype based in some fact, in my experience.) However, there is still a large number of guys who not only understand the basics of romance, but feel that we’re among the romantic elite, be they male or female. Yet, because we’re guys, we’re often still assumed to be romantic cretins by women we don’t even know. (Women who may not even be as romance-savvy as we like to think we are.) Like all stereotypes, it gets irritating.
The level of your questions was really obvious to any romance-savvy individual, which is why you got the rude responses that you did. It’s like asking someone “have you ever had a hard time putting on your pants? Now, did you happen to notice if your shoes were on? Did you try taking off the shoes, then putting the pants on again?” The questions may be genuine, but the fact that you felt you had to ask them is insulting to some of us non-stupid guys.
To be fair, the experiences of many of my female friends mirror the tone in your questions exactly. A lot of guys really are that simple, when it comes to romance. But some of us aren’t, really!
Yes, I’m qouting myself, but only because pepperlandgirl seems to be taking a lot of abuse over something she wrote in direct response to this. It’s a little unfair to bash her for unfair generalizations about men when all she was doing was providing the flip side to my unfair generalization about women.
I don’t get the big attraction flowers hold for people of either gender, but when it comes right down to it: if it gets me laid, I’m more than willing to go along with it, Guatemalan child-laborers be damned. I mean, you gotta have your priorities, right?
If you wanted to know that you should have asked that question. The tone and text of your post was lecturing and appeared to assume the people you were addressing had never bothered to buy anything else. My apologies if I’m wrong in my interpretation, but it’s sure the impression you gave. Have we thought about giving our wives and SOs something else? You may as well ask if we’ve thought of breathing oxygen or putting our socks on before our shoes. It’s condescending. Combined with other choice comments you’ve made in this thread including:
… Which certainly appears to say that I was doing a half-assed job at romance the last time I bought Mrs. RickJay a dozen roses, which I am wont to do now and then. It’s not a “Half-assed job” to me, it’s a sincere gesture and Mrs. RickJay adores it. If you don’t want roses I won’t buy you any but don’t say people are “Half-assed” for doing things you personally dislike. If you can’t take it, don’t dish it out.
Thank you Nimune for pointing out something I felt was pretty obvious. Yes, my comment was a flip comment directly back to what he had said. I didn’t realize that I needed to quote the post directly above mine to make that point clear.
Furthermore, I had every right to ask those questions in any tone I pleased. Giraffe hit the nail directly on the head. I don’t know you, I don’t know how you interact with your wife. I don’t know what your idea of romantic is. I do know there are a lot of guys who have no idea what women want, whether they are married or not. I know I still have to go shopping with my father so he’ll get my mother something other pans or flowers for her birthday.
A MB is to share ideas, exchange thoughts, but we can only exchange what we choose to. I can’t reach into my computer and read your mind. Did it seem they were simplistic questions? Yes. They were. Mainly because some people in this thread were so goddamn defensive over flowers, that quite frankly, it seemed to me that to some they are the be-all and end-all of romance.
Finally, I don’t give a fuck if it is The Pit. When someone starts actually discussing a topic, you don’t need to be rude, sarcastic, or throw in gratutious insults simply because it’s The Pit. The forum description says it’s the place for flames. Fine. It doesn’t say, “Oh yeah, and be a complete jerk every chance you get too. People really seem to like that.”
Yes plg - you have the right to ask the questions in any tone you please. Including the tone of condescension. We in turn have the right to take offence to the condescension.
I’d say that you got very reasonable replies in a manner consistent with the way in which you asked your questions. You think that you got “gratuitous insults”? Where?
If you think that responses were sarcastic, then I’d suggest you have a little think about why you inspired such offense with your “flip comment”.
