So I was living in Siberia and kind of seeing this woman, when I accepted a short term assignment to go to Kosovo for three months. I took it and left things with Olga kind of left things up in the air, but I was coming back…
Anyway, friend tells me he thinks she’s dating this sleazy expat fuck and I asked her. She said absolutely not, and I wrote back and said I was sorry, it was none of my business, yadda yadda yadda, but that I like her and would be back soon.
Then, I talk to my friend who’s staying with sleazo expat fuck and she says Olga sleeps with him almost every night.
OUCH, OUCH OUCH
I mean fuck, tell me the truth what the fuck, what the fucking fuck? I’m told she’s worried about me and is always asking about me yadda fucking yadda.
I went to fucking Kosovo, not fucking club med. I’m doing work that’s important, she didn’t wait two weeks, and she lied.
so I wrote her and said I wasn’t mad (Yeah, right), but I hoped she understood that I didn’t want to her from her again. OUCH OUCH FUCKING OUCH!
I saw this happen in Kyiv all the time.
Beautiful, gorgeous, and highly pragmatic young women “dating” scabby old expats who couldn’t pay for dates in their home country. I’m not sure who was preying on whom.
Olga doesn’t think you’re coming back, and she’s moving on to someone else who can provide her with security. You were “kind of” seeing her and you were “probably” coming back. She can’t afford, literally, to wait and hope that you’ll come back and she’s moved on to what she can get now.
Tell me, were you paying her rent? Were there a lot of dramatic family crises requiring your financial help? “Oh, the prices are so high and she really cannot manage, surely you can give me just a little bit of money for my grandmother? Someday she will be your family too…” Was she just too beautiful to be believed, in a way that made you question why this woman wanted to be with you?
Don’t want to cheapen your pain or generalize about all Russian/Ukrainian women - certainly sincere and lasting love between two different ages, two different countries, and two different economic backgrounds is entirely possible. But a lot of women go after the wealthy expats in the hopes of bettering their lot in life.
Thanks for the vote of confidence, I wasn’t paying her rent, am not a scabby old expat, have lived off and on for a few years in the former Soviet Union (including Kyiv) and speak Russian. I never dated any locals for precisely the reasons you mention, but over time a friendship developed with her and then more.
As for Olga, have you ever misjudged a person? Made a bad call? If you date, it happens. I thin I’m the kind of person who tries to see people as individuals and take them for who they are. I got burned, but am not part of the class of alcoholic, loser expats you describe, although I know them well.
goaheadcaller, I’m glad you agree on the general phenomenon - we used to sit in restaurants and watch the hideous guys with the beautiful women and try to guess- “consultant, consultant, consultant, mafia, mafia, member of parliament (and mafia), consultant, consultant…”
In a severe breach of Pitiquette, I sincerely apologize for lumping you in with all of them. I’ve definitely fucked up in my relationship decisions, so I’ll get off my high horse now.
Given what you’ve just said, it sounds like the two of you didn’t communicate well:
you were “kind of” seeing her
you maybe didn’t communicate well about coming back? Coming back to be with her? maybe you didn’t make your feelings really clear to her?
maybe she was casually “kind of” seeing more than one person and had priors with this guy before she started seeing you?
You don’t KNOW what’s going on with her for sure. Maybe she’s convinced that you are not coming back, that you’ll find another girl in Kosovo?
Not to defend her or put it all on you!!! It’s entirely possible that you got involved with a lying, cheating whore who went behind your back the second you left the country.
Some women (people) just can’t handle the long distance thing. I’ve had a few where I just met the right person at the wrong time, and no matter how much love there was we just couldn’t make it work. I used to live in D.C. and work in the international consulting biz, and I was always meeting and dating people who were coming and going. It got so bad I should have put an ad in the City Paper “If you are leaving town sometime in the next three months, you and I should definitely get together!!!” It got so I would a) never assume that there was anything serious/exclusive going on unless it was specifically spelled out, and b)never agree to get involved in anything seriously (even if I was starting to love the guy) if he was taking off soon.
All this talk about the former Soviet Union/Russia/Ukraine/Mafia… So how is life, really? Are people starving again (except for the new millionaires)? Are the mafia really running everything? I would love to see a day in the life of goaheadcaller or magdalene, if you care to take time. (goahead - that may take your mind off whatsherface).
I really appreciate the apology. As you’ve spent time over here, you know it burns to be associated with the expat loser crowd. I’m not a consultant, but a humble worker for not for profits. It’s true we didn’t communicate well, but she out and out lied to me about seeing the guy.
Anyway, I live over here, and not in a place where there are a lot of foreigners, so if I am gonna date, it would almost have to be a Russian. I always said that if I met someone I clicked with, I wouldn’t let the fact that she was a local stop me from dating her. I gave myself to Friday to wallow in self-pity, but I woke up this morning just tired of it all. It’s a pretty day in Kosovo and given some of the problems here, I’ve got other things to think about.
As far as what it is like here (Mag, maybe you agree)it’s a little like you think it is, but not quite. Some people are really having a hard time of it, some are doing okay. One thing I’d like to stress is that there are really a lot of wonderful people in the former Soviet Union. I know people who try really hard to lead a decent life and raise their families in very trying circumstances. I think the hardest part of life is its lack of predictability. A lot of people thought things were going to be okay and then the economic crisis hit and they lost everything, right at the time when the light seemed to be at the end of the tunnel
