went on OKC, and have very little luck. met a few girls, but none of them were interested after the first date.
a month ago a girl contacted me. she’s pretty hot, smart, etc, but she lives in the other end of the country and so i can’t see the point. Ive told her this, but she persistently texts, emails me; she’s even sent me a few picture o.O. the other night we skyped for about 3 hours, and she seems fun, but totally nuts and unreliable. she just finished up at grad school and is between work and drinking quite a lot because of it. she wants me to go down to see her, but this is a bad idea, huh?
she’s the first girl that’s actually been interested, and we talk most nights. i’m not half as good looking or qualified as her, and i have absolutely no idea why she’s coming on so strong. it doesnt make sense? help
So you’re totally not interested…and then you skyped for three hours? And you wonder why she thinks you’re interested?
Perhaps you are her “project”? Some young girls love to be the rescuer to someone they perceive as needing them. Or she may perceive you as "safe"because you would be glad to have her and therefore be nice to her.
Or maybe she hasn’t fully realized she is out of your league, looks-wise, because the internet is just text (and she likes the way you type) and skype is just voice and you may have a good voice. In that case, going there and meeting IRL may be awkward.
Or you may be hotter then you think and she doesn’t mind you being bald.
So either go and have an experience.
It may be the experience with the “crazy girl” most men have at some point (and it is usually one of their first relationship, because crazy girls tend to come on strong and inexperienced men don’t know how to fend off the crazy. ) Or the experience will be just awkward and at best, polite.
Or stay home and be safe. Your call.
No. That’s the thing…she been in long term relationships before, and knows her worth, too. She’s usually quite cogent and lucid - aside from when she’s drunk - and she seems keen to, using her words, ‘settle down’. i expressed a desire to settle down too.
maastricht , eh.thats a coincidence…she lived there
I wouldn’t personally want to “settle down” with someone I also describe as “nuts and unreliable” but there’s nothing wrong with fun fling with someone like that.
Worst-case outcomes:
- you fall in love with her despite the nuttiness and go on to have an unreliable wife until divorce ensues
- you get an STD
- you get a cross-country stalker
- you spend the $$ for a flight to meet her in person and she decides she’s not really into you after all
Better-case outcome:
- weekend of awesomely fun happysexytime with a hot chick who likes bald dudes
Best-case outcome:
- you fall in love and live happily ever after
Do you have the dough to make a flight out and back without it affecting your finances too much?
I need some clarification. You say you’re bald, so you’re thirty-five or so? And she’s a girl, so about eighteen or nineteen? Sounds to me like she’s looking for a sugar daddy to pay the bills.
She just finished grad school, dude. My guess would be mid-twenties.
Bald is not necessarily unattractive. There are lots of attractive bald guys*, my husband included. If you are only assuming you are out of her league because of a lack of hair you may want to reconsider that theory.
Also, don’t assume that those women who only went out with you once weren’t attracted to you physically. Lots of guys I dated I only went out with once because we really didn’t have enough in common for me to want to pursue a relationship there. Or because I was going out on a lot of first dates and one of them went swimmingly well and I didn’t want to waste my time with the other guys knowing that I was getting into a relationship wit someone else. Or, on one memorable occasion, the guy was very sweet and attractive but I am partially deaf and he had a permanent speech impediment meaning that we really couldn’t communicate with one another at all. You never know what could make or break a date so don’t assume it is because you are fugly or anything.
*Googling “sexy bald men” to find those pictures turned up some interesting results. It hadn’t occurred to me that there is more than one way to be bald. :eek:
I had a friend that seriously thought bald guys were totally sexy. If she’d had her way, all men would be required to shave their heads three times a day. And she would date some serious personality loosers just because they were bald. So that may not be a draw-back for as many people as you think.
If you like her, go for it. But, once I went out with a guy that started talking marriage on the first date. He was attractive and in a band it liked. So, I brushed it off as him joking in some strage way, but it did set off alarms.
He showed up to the second date with a ring. I suddenly took ill and had to go home. It took him about a month to finally stop calling. I’m sorry, but there is something off about a person who starts talking settling down with you when they still don’t even know if you’re a closet bagpipe player.
I think if you like her and she doesn’t set off red flags, go for it. But, if you have red flags, don’t ignore them.
well, she has a crazy life. -lives on a boat, is currently house sitting, and drinks like a fish. she’s not a teen, she’s mid 20s, and she hardly knows a thing about me. there was some talk about settling down, and we both claim to want that, but what does she expect: that i go meet her and we end up falling in love under a shower of spunk?
this whole situation is utterly bizarre, and i told her that there isn’t a chance of it working.
so that, i suppose, is that.
First off, what is OKC?
About a year and a half ago I flew to Kentucky to meet someone that I met on a website. We talked, texted, moved on to cyber and phone sex, and sent interesting pictures to each other. When I got there it turned very uncomfortable. I have no idea why. She turned out to be a grade A bitch. I left early. But I do believe it was worth it to find out. Now I have no regrets, I know I gave it a try. A couple weeks later I met the woman I fell in love with and we are still dating.
But I have all my hair. So I got that going for me.
This is what we call “the crazy” as in don’t put your dick in the crazy.
If she’s like the crazies, despite her good looks and everything, she has issues, and low self worth, so she [del]likes the idea of being[/del] is desperate to be wanted and needed.
Which is fine and nice, if you consider fine and nice to be clingy, then cold, then clingy, and get into head games, terrific fights and mind-blowing make up sex, as she simultaneously pushes you away while pulling you in.
Of course, I would have no personal knowledge of this, except for that one, er two or so girlfriends back when I was [del]crazy[/del] crazier myself.
Knowing what I know now, would I go back and fuck the crazy? Nay. There are guys who enjoy the ride, but it was too many head games for me, and just made me drink more myself.
well, yeah, indeed.
she seems a little angry, and told me that i had led her on (which i had, i guess) by telling her about my previous disastrous dates, and my inability to hold down a steady relationship, yardiyrada. I stupidly texted her (while drunk…whooops) telling her I needed her, and all that stuff that comes with being a little bald and lonely.
she seems to be traveling about a lot, looking for work, and applying for various courses. I kind of do like her, but i think she’s laughing at me, and want her to stop torturing herself and me.
online dating is mad. okcupid=okc, in answer to the previous q
Has she ever asked for money or indicated a current or impending financial crisis of some sort?
well…
presumably, seeing as we’re all in this 'ere double dip recession, she is indeed in financial toil. she admitted as much, but i don’t think she wants money (shucks, perhaps I’m being naive). -I never considered myself as a sugar daddy type.
I complained to her about my dull 9-5, and told her about my rags to riches story (i have a house and cat now!!), and her response was to try and convince me to go traveling. She has plans to work in s.korea/taiwan and save up for some course/apply for jobs while simultaneously learning the lingo.
-she’s scared, yeah. however, she doesnt seem to be one of these grads that blame the economy for their temporary stint into the world of unemployment and debt. O.O she’s scared though - that much is clear.
ARGH. It’s not everyday a hot girl from the other end of the country throws herself at me.
-If she weren’t ‘hot’, would you give a damn?
-Plenty of ‘hot’ around you, and accessible. Get off your butt, put yourself out there, and find something do-able; you’re making excuses to not even try by finding impossible ‘relationships’ to kill time. Knock it off. 
Unless you are bringing something extraordinary to the table an attractive female grad student pursuing an older man who lives across the country she has never met in person with some fervor is a bit odd. I suspect she enjoys being desired.
I would have said “smells like a nut, avoid” some years ago, but I’ve come to realize you never can tell where you’ll find a connection. Logistically re distance I think it’s a mistake but if you want to go visit go for it.
Be prepared for her to have a heretofore unmentioned boyfriend or SO she is on the outs with, and you are the rebound man she is using to punish him or make him jealous.
As an aside re her age the mid to late twenties is about the the time of life when bi-polar issues start emerging and asserting themselves.
I know someone who had a personality disorder click into high gear in her early 20s. Boy, when that happened there was no mistaking it. Went from mostly sane, mostly A’s grad student to wandering the streets in dazed confusion during episodes. I’m wanting to say is was a split personality (I know, there is a new name for this)… but I don’t think that is exactly what it was. Since she couldn’t hold a job, she ended up back in her parent’s care and totally rejected all of her old friends. It was too bad that it happened so long ago. Now a days, she could have stayed in touch with us online and just gone ‘off line’ for her bad days.
How is your self-esteem? In reading your posts, you don’t seem to have a very strong one, and that can lead you into some bad decision making. I may be totally off the beam here, but you seem to be hung up on being bald, as well as the fact that this girl is prettier than most girls that pay attention to you. Being bald isn’t a curse to a lifetime of loneliness.
If you get hurt easily when relationships don’t work out, I wouldn’t pursue this one. You say she’s across the country? What is the reality that you would be willing to fly out there or pay for her ticket to come see you on a regular basis? If you can’t see that happening because of the red flags you see popping up, don’t start something you know will end badly.
My gut tells me that you wouldnt have posted this out here if you were going to “go for it”. Something about her is nagging at you… Listen to that voice.
But in the long-term, don’t cut yourself short because you are bald, or maybe shorter than you want to be, or whatever personal traits of yours that you think others will find unattractive. Something that many people find attractive is a strong self-esteem. I’m not talking about being an arrogant person. Rather, someone who is comfortable with who he/she is. That can be a great turn-on…
Good luck with your decision.
She’s probably depressed, but perhaps not bi-polar. she has a very fractious family life, and seems to have supported herself through life since she was a mid teen. she’s upset because she hasn’t yet finished her thesis, and can’t find the funds, or a stable (geographically nebulous…going from one interview in one city, to another interview elsewhere) environment to complete the thing. RAAA…don’t i know a lot about her!
I tried to talk to her yesterday - i prepared myself by getting a little drink wobbly - but by the time she was ok to talk, i was sober.
I think you’re right, taomist! However, she’s so f****** persistent, it makes me wonder if this could work.
as for being bald, I am bald and a bit upset about it all! i have a lovely smile, though. meh