This is totally non-board-related, but this just happened to me, and I need to vent.
The woman I have been seeing IRL just told me that:
[li]She has been lying to me.[/li][li]She is fucking another guy.[/li][li]She wants him more than she wants me.[/li]
This chick is fucked up in the head. Here is a C&P of our conversation…
**woman:**I was talking to that guy that stood me up
magical_silver_key: oh no
**woman:**oh yes, I love being treated like crap
**woman:**I’m going to see him
magical_silver_key: no!
magical_silver_key: why?
**woman:**because the fucked up part of me likes him
**woman:**he’s everything I want but know I will never have
magical_silver_key: I guess I count for nothing?
**woman:**you’re too nice
magical_silver_key: I knew it
magical_silver_key: what is too nice?
magical_silver_key: how can nice be bad?
**woman:**you care about my feelings
magical_silver_key: what is wrong with caring about you?
**woman:**you’re not emotionally distant
**woman:**there’s nothing wrong with that
**woman:**I want him to care about me the way you do
magical_silver_key: that makes no sense
magical_silver_key: what does he have that I dont
**woman:**a wife
magical_silver_key: how does that make a difference
**woman:**he doesn’t need me
**woman:**I don’t know, i think I am crazy
magical_silver_key: I see, you want no commitment
**woman:**I can’t make one and neither can he
magical_silver_key: thanks for ripping my heart out and stomping on it
**woman:**one day you’ll find a good woman
**woman:**it’s not me
**woman:**I’m a cheater and a liar, not the woman of your dreams
magical_silver_key: have you lied to me?
**woman:**not in so many words
magical_silver_key: then how?
magical_silver_key: I want to know
**woman:**the friday before last I was with guy#3
magical_silver_key: that doesn’t surprise me
magical_silver_key: I should have known
magical_silver_key: the way you kept talking about him
**woman:**I can’t help myself
magical_silver_key: you said you never wanted to hurt me. was that a lie too? because you have hurt me.
**woman:**no, I didn’t want to hurt you, I should have stopped seeing you when I said I was, but you kept sucking me back in
magical_silver_key: well, my dear, it is your loss
Thanks, babe. How very nice of you to play me. I honestly cared for you, and it meant nothing at all to you. You are a fraud. Goodbye. I would love to shout a thousand profanities at you, but you know what hun. You’re not worth the effort. goodbye. I can do much better than you. There’s a real woman out there somewhere for me… one who will reciprocate that which you cannot, and she will do it truthfully. Happy fucking to ya! Goodbye “Lady Marmalade.” :rolleyes:
I’m so sorry, MSK. You seem like a wonderful man and it IS HER LOSS. I’m sure you’ve got good things ahead. No matter what anyone says, I believe that nice guys DO finish first (eventually )
This emphatically does NOT suck! This is great! She revealed to you what a sick, pathetic, fucked up excuse for a person she is, why in god’s name would you want to be with such a person?
What sucks is simply that who you apparently * thought * no longer exists…but she never did.
Thank your lucky stars and move on! She’s done you a kindness.
It’s tough love, and a damn good thing, too. Too much time with a woman like that will kill you. Wave a sad good-bye, and run like hell in the other direction.
Sorry you’ve been crushed, but better now than later.
in-directly related to my op, but felt this was worth inserting… female acquiantance: I am beginning to think that no one can be faithful anymore
magical_silver_key: I can
magical_silver_key: I would never cheat on anyone
magical_silver_key: never have female acquiantance: all guys say that but I don’t believe it
magical_silver_key: thankyou for stereotyping me
magical_silver_key: I think you should get to know someone before you start being cynical female acquiantance: yes I do stereotype
magical_silver_key: well then dont waste my time… I will go find myself a real woman. female acquiantance: alrighty then
Am I a magnet for these kind of people!? Good grief!
Gah. Having been on both the giving and receiving ends of similar exchanges–though I’d like to think that I didn’t approach anywhere near this chick’s level of evil–I can tell you that having it end now is a good thing. It’s better to find this stuff out then to learn that you’ve been played for an extended amount of time.
And to your S.O.: Grow the fuck up. This kind of shit is more suited to high school than to anything that can pass for adulthood.
I am sure you don’t want to do a postmortem yet. Still, I’d encourage you to ask yourself why you stuck around so long. It sounded like you had warning sounds before. For example, apparently she talks about other guys to you–enough that you can keep them straight with a numbering system.
I think if you have “don’t fuck other people” ground rules, she shouldn’t have much reason to be talking about other guys with you. Heck, even if you are allowed to see other people, you still don’t TALK about them. It’s not considerate. Next girl you date who does this, cut your losses right away, or ask her to knock it off. If she won’t stop talking about other guys, take it as a warning sign.
[li]I had only been seeing her for about 6 to 8 weeks on an irregular basis. There’s no major harm done, here. It was unpleasant to find this out, but as noted, I am glad I found out now before it could have become worse.[/li]
[li]RE: The “numbering system” this in reference to her chat buddies, or I should now say, fuck buddy(ies?) If she can boink two guys at once, and not give it second thought, I hope she wasn’t doing more men that I didn’t know about.[/li]
[li]FWIW: I would never have an “open” relationship, as in “you can fuck whoever you want just don’t tell me about it.” If that works for some people, then have at it. My idea of a relationship is two people intimately and emitonally involved. No guests allowed.[/li]
[li]I won’t exonerate myself entirely. I did have some signs of forewarning. We had discussed about it, and I gave her the privelege of my trust, that she wouldn’t try anything. Well, she not only tried something, but did it…behind my back.[/li]
[li]Maybe I should adhere to the old saying, “Where there is doubt, there is no doubt.” But I refuse to become a cynical stereotypical jerk.[/li]
[*]Personally, I view trust as a “blueprint.” I give my SO my blueprint, and it’s up to her to build the structure. Obviously, this womans “building” has a severely structurally compromised foundation.
As someone who’s been through similar situations, MSK, please let me offer my sympathies. It’s good that, if this had to happen, it happened now, rather than four or five months down the road, when the relationship may have been a lot more serious and you would have a lot more emotional investment. OTOH, it’s still a loss and it’s still going to hurt.
Please don’t let this make you bitter. Everyone has dating stories like this – and when I say that, I’m not belittling what happened to you, I’m saying that these situations happen frequently, and may happen multiple times to the same person. (Trust me… I know.) But try to look at it as a learning experience – if you noticed warning signs early on and chose not to heed them, maybe next time you’ll be a little better at listening to your gut reaction. You’ll also be better next time at recognizing someone who’s not going to be good for you.
There are definitely worthwhile dating partners out there. Unfortunately, there’s a lot less of them than there are of the type of woman you just encountered. Keep your chin up and keep your standards up; you’ll find what you’re looking for.
[li]I won’t. I refuse to allow that to happen. Yes, I am hurt. Yes, I am mad. OTOH, whenever something like this happens, it makes me all the more determined to find the RIGHT one, instead of the wrong one. It builds my faith instead of destroying it. The only downside is, it makes the search more difficult.[/li]
[qoute]But try to look at it as a learning experience – if you noticed warning signs early on and chose not to heed them, maybe next time you’ll be a little better at listening to your gut reaction. You’ll also be better next time at recognizing someone who’s not going to be good for you.
[/quote]
[li]I do see it as a learning experience. I have been hurt times-a-plenty, but this is the first time, to my knowing, that I have been cheated on and lied to. If I suspect something, I do bring it up as tactfully as I can and try to discuss it. I don’t want to erronoeously accuse if there has been no wrong done. I strictly believe in communication as being the root of all relationships. If there’s poor communication, or refusal to communicate, then it’s it’s time to take some type of action.[/li]
I’m doing okay. I will get through this. I will find someone worth my time.
Um are you sure about that , I’ve been burnt 3 times in 3 things that could be classed as relationships and I have become very cynical and trust very few people since i got stomped on repeatedly since i don’t want to be stomped on again.
Um at the risk of not jumping on the “MSK rules!” bandwagon here, it seems to me (not knowing her and basing this analysis solely on the AIM convo you posted here) that she was being incredibly dry and sarcastic initially, and when that didn’t work she resorted to self-deprecation to try and remove herself from any guilt she might feel.
I might further surmise from this that she didn’t care very much about you in the first place and it was just a game to her (again, not based on much but what I see here). In which case, we have someone to add to the “Live a lush life to spite…” list.
I would ask if this girl was 20 or so years old and named Jessica, but the girl I’m thinking about (unfortunately) lives in my state, so it’s rather difficult to consider the notion that she was seeing you, even on an irregular basis.
Indeed. Your first post could have come straight out of my life after I moved in with a S.O. about 2 years ago.
Ugly, ugly scene.
On the bright side, she grew up, he (the jerk) is now a worthless drunk hated by damn near every bartender in Philly. I’ve moved on and am still friends with the S.O., although long distance friends.
So your SO is drawn to people who were not emotionally available and who couldn’t commit. She’d rather be with someone who is exciting versus someone who is reliable.
Now, forgive me for being so blunt, but are you quite sure that you’re not guilty of the same thing…of being attracted to people who are no good for you? Because she doesn’t sound like a nice woman and I’m wondering what it is about her that attracted you in the first place.
Perhaps this is something you need to ask yourself later, after all the shock and pain have worn off. I certainly don’t know your dating history so this chick may be just an exception to the rule. But I thought I’d throw it into the ring in the interest of self-examination.
)