Okay, a sound out for all the other ‘nice guys’ in the world. We suck.
An ex of mine, who became an ex because she cheated on me, was talking with me recently. The wounds are still fresh enough to be open, but we can at least be civil. The topic turns to mutual friends, and she mentions a couple we know who, we’re relatively certain, the guy is cheating on the girl.
My ex starts talking about that couple’s infidelity, and she says, “Yeah, it’s pretty awful. No one deserves to be lied to like that.”
There was a nice, icey thirty second pause.
I wanted to reach across the table and choke her to death.
But I didn’t. Cos I’m a nice guy.
I forgive her, because I’m a nice guy.
I’m considered ‘safe’, cos I’m a Nice Guy
I’m looked at as a reliable one to talk to, maybe even cry at when things go wrong, but never to actually have a relationship with, because, (C’mon guys, sing the chorus with me) I’M A NICE GUY!
YAY ME!
If you didn’t say anything about her blatant hypocrisy, that doesn’t make you a “nice guy”. Maybe girls don’t want to have a relationship with guys who will put up with shit like that without objecting.
Well you could have said something, you spineless pussy. Call her on her shit. Why cry yourself to sleep because “girls play games wah wah wah I pissed myself” yet not do anything about the whole game-playing scenario? Admittedly nobody in their right minds would want a girl who’d cheated on them back, but at least you could have gotten some respect. Although it seems like you don’t have too much for yourself, Captain Self-Pity McWhinerton von Sookyville. Seriously. Use some biting wit and cunning invective to scythe their tubby asses down to size. Or not, and continue crying about how unfair life is because no girls like you. Here’s a tip - be a fucking man and stand up for yourself.
See? The first girl that came in here set you straight. Nobody will give you any respect if you just stand there and absorb shit like some turd Kleenex, least of all a cuddly sexy femme. So, go rent a couple of movies that will teach you how to fake confidence or something. None of that Swingers shit, try acting like James Bond. The key is confidence and self-assurance. Fake it till you make it. And remember - nobody loves a whiny ass submissive crybaby. As the male, you are supposed to be “in control” of the relationship. You choose whether or not you’re going to go out with her, you choose where you’re going for the first date, you choose whether to try and buy her affection with flowers and chocolates or whether you’re going to prove yourself by being a real person, not a portable wallet. You can also choose to keep crying about it and never improve. Your call.
C’mon. You can share with us. We’re all friends here, sort of. The real reason you didn’t choke her to death was because you were peeved you didn’t have a mouthful of hot coffee to spew all over her when she made the inane comment. Right?
There are times when someone says something so spectacularly stupid that the only appropriate response is to just leave it hanging there until they cannot help but see the stupidity.
GRRRRR, I’m with Guin!! Not another “poor nice guy” whine!!!
I stated something to this effect in the other current “nice guys never get the girl (or variations thereof)” but once again, some “nice guy” is confused about what “being nice” means.
Being nice is when you help your buddies move. Being nice is opening the door for a lady. etc etc etc.
In other words, “being nice” is part of what it means to be a basic decent human being to your fellow human beings (hint, it’s NOT being a doormat in the hopes that you might get laid).
It’s not really anything special, it’s what everyone “should” do, you know? The old Golden Rule? Obviously, in this world, not everyone does. And this is where “nice” guys come in and say “but I’m ‘nice’, why can’t I get/keep the girl”?
“Nice guys” are confusing “being nice” with being spineless doormats. You would have been well within your rights to call this girl upon the carpet, and STILL kept your “nice guy” standing.
What you did wasn’t “being nice”. It was being non-confrontational. There is no reason on earth for you not to have called her on her hypocrisy. To just stand by and take it (without ‘choking her’) is not the definition of “nice guy”.
PS, My current boyfriend is one of those “nice guys-always the big brother/homework helper/buddy/shoulder to cry upon, never got the girls” geeks. I worship the ground upon which he walks!!!
Many, many of the girls on my Romance Advice website also are girls who love geeks.
So see? It’s not true. “Nice guys” DO get the girl.
Um. You were a nice guy in a relationship. She was a bad girl in the same relationship with a piece on the side. Y’all broke up due to this incompatability. Why you would waste a breath on her after this–with the exception perhaps of samarm’s theory–is anyone’s guess.
She was hurtful to you when you were involved romantically. Why did you think she’s going to be different as a friend?
And samarm nails it.
Be honest. The reason you were talking to her at all was that you have hope in the back of your mind that she will want you again. That she will see you for the sweetheart you really are deep down inside and realize the error of her ways…
It won’t work.
The moment she uttered those words, you should have walked away from her.
Jesus Christ, j_kat, stop being such a fucking bitch and cut the guy some slack! Your making a whole bunch of assumptions about his situation, without really knowing jack shit about what the full story is.
