It’s funny that a thread titled “Your latest crush on a woman” showed up in MPSIMS today, as I’ve been gone from the boards for several months. Something happened to me this past weekend that I think bears having its own thread. I’d appreciate everyone’s thoughts and advice.
Late last month, I was working one of my final shifts as a math tutor at my community college. I had worked there for about 2 1/2 years, and was leaving to start a new job at a hospital in Baltimore.
This gorgeous woman walked in (I’ll call her “Stacy”) and asked for help studying for a math placement test. I sat down and started to work with her. She was bubbly, funny, exuded a ton of positive energy, and smelled great to boot. I don’t offer tutoring services for free outside of school, but I gave her my number and offered to do just that.
I didn’t expect her to call, but Friday rolls around and she texts me telling me she’ll be at school on Monday. I reply that I’ll be working from 9-12. I didn’t expect her to show up that Monday, either, but she did.
After working with her some more, I had to leave for the local public library to tutor another student. I accidentally locked my keys in the car, so I called the math lab to see if anyone could help me pop a lock. Apparently, she was still in there, because she sent me the text, “Do you need me to come rescue you?” I replied yes and she said she was going to take her test and then come help me.
I’ll shorten the story here just a bit to say that right as she was about to come up, I got my lock popped. I headed home and asked her about her test. When she answered, she was in tears. She didn’t get into the class she needed. I asked if she was still and campus, and she said yes, so I told her I could come see her. We tried talking to the department chair (she wasn’t in) and then we tried to figure out what we could on the computer. Nothing was helpful at that point so I offered to take her out for food and make her feel better.
We go to a pizza and have a great time. She mentions her boyfriend, which disappointed me, but I didn’t let it get to me too much. We finish lunch and she drops me off back at campus.
For the past few weeks, we talked and saw each other more than she saw her own boyfriend. She complained about him being emotionally unavailable and that all he ever does is play poker in Vegas and with his friends (he’s an executive). She said that he’s “safe”. Nevertheless, we talked all the time and flirted a lot.
Fast forward to last week. Stacy and I hang out at the mall and have a great time. At this point, we’ve shared a lot of deeply personal things and have gotten to be very fond of each other. At the end of the night, we hug. The mother of all hugs. A hug so great I needed a cigarette afterward. I go home and she texts me, telling me that she had to try her hardest to keep from kissing me.
Before I continue, let me just say that I was very interested in this woman, but kept myself at just the right distance because of her boyfriend. I had my intentions, but they weren’t much of a secret at this point.
The next night, she wants to hang out again. I suggest a movie at her place. Most of the movie is over, but I ask to pause so I can smoke a cigarette. She said yes, but she wants to kiss me first. So she does. I’ll get pretty private here, but we spent pretty much the entire weekend at her place in one giant two-day-long makeout session. We stopped just short of sex because she still was in a relationship, but we both agreed we wanted it and would wait. Nevertheless, we felt a passion and closeness for each other that I myself had felt only once before in my life.
So last Saturday night, we go back to my place so I can take care of my cats. She calls her boyfriend and has a pretty difficult conversation with him. He knows what’s up and now is calling and texting constantly in an effort to keep her (funny, he didn’t seem to care much when I wasn’t a factor). She had planned to stay the night at my place but instead asked if I could take her home so she could have some time alone to think. It’s about midnight Sunday at this point, and I’m exhausted, but agree. Halfway down, we swap so she can drive because I’m falling asleep. I ask to spend the night because I won’t make it home if I try to drive. In spite of her dilemma, we’re still very physical.
We wake up and watch her favorite Sunday morning show together. We cuddle, talk a bit more, and tells me she’s undecided, but today will probably be the day she visits her boyfriend to break it off. I leave and let her have her space for the day until she finally calls me at 11:30pm.
She’s decided to try to work things out with her boyfriend for a while, and that he’s forbidding her to see or talk to me immediately. Without getting into the nitty-gritty of the conversation, I’ll tell you that I asked her who she as more feelings for. Without hesitation she said me, but she’s starting school again and she just needs safety and security right now. I ask her to promise me two things: One, that she won’t let this situation affect her schoolwork, and two that she’ll try her best to see me, even if it’s in a public place with no physical contact. I’ve such strong feelings for Stacy that I simply can’t just let her walk out of my life like that. She told me that she was >this< close to deleting her boyfriend from her phone and showing up to my workplace at 5pm today to surprise me.
She’s going out with her boyfriend and family tonight, so she’s going to talk to me on Tuesday. Dopers, I’m devastated. This is the second woman in my life that I’ve completely and hopelessly fallen for. She’s laughed with me and cried in my arms. She’s shared secrets her own boyfriend doesn’t know. I’ve dated many women, but none have ever clicked like this one. I’m at work now and am having a very difficult time focusing on my job. I miss her.
There’s a lot more to the story, but no one here wants to read a novel. There’s a chance she’ll come back. She’s surprised me before. But right now I’m just torn apart.
