Fuck Krispy Kreme. And Fuck You!!

I have to get to work at 4:30 in the morning. It sucks, but hey, I love my job, so that’s alright. Every now and again, some gentle sould makes the effort to get up a little earlier, spend a bit of their own hard earned money, and brings donuts for the crew. Yesturday, it was Geoff. They were some basic donuts from a place near his house, and they were good. Of course, someone always has to walk up, look at them and say:

“Ohh, donuts. But they’re not Krispy Kreme?”

FUCK YOU!!! Someone does something nice for you, and you have the gaul to bitch that they didn’t do a nice enough job as you stuff your gullet with these donuts that disgust you? They don’t meet your standards? Don’t eat them. You want Krispy Kreme, why don’t you make the effort and buy the donuts yourself, ya fuckin’ freeloader.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love all the people I work with (well, minus two), but what the hell is wrong with people these days? Do people just EXPECT that if someone’s going to do something nice for others, they have to meet YOUR special specifications? Donuts are donuts, and personally, I fucking HATE Krispy Kreme’s donuts. You still ate them, why not make the person feel good about doing something nice for the office and not like a fuck up? Get your head out your ass, show some appreciation, and quit your bitchin’.

what I want to know is:

where the hell are the chocolate doughnuts?!

Are there any donuts left? :slight_smile:

You know.

I know you’re angry. I know that this is a rough time for you.

but if you ever…EVER curse the name of Krispy Kreme again…you’re grounded.

No playstation, no phone, no yoo hoo for a MONTH.

Let’s just pretend your OP never happened, shall we?

KKs are at their best when still warm. When some youth group is hawking them at the stoplight in December for $4.50/doz and they’ve been out there in the cold for G-d knows how long, you can take them and play Frisbee[sup]TM[/sup] for all I care.

But, oooooooh when they’re still warm.

It’s the magic lard they cook them in, you know.

Towards the OP (that may or may not have happened), Mrs. Spritle (who is much much more refined than I) (nor does she use as many parenthetical statements) always reminds me that you must please someone on their own terms. That said, Geoff was not trying to please Mr. Sour-Apple office mate; he was trying to do something nice. Mr. S-A needs to be put in his place.

If it happens again, and Mr. S-A makes a similar remark about them not being KKs, say something real loud like, “What was that Mark (or whatever his name is)? I couldn’t hear you with your mouth full of the donut that Geoff so kindly brought in for the office.” Or maybe, “Hmmm… I’ve never had Krispy Kreme donuts. Bring in a box tomorrow so I can try them.” Or maybe, “Listen, cumsop, Geoff went out of his way and spend some of the peanut salary he’s paid in this deadend job to buy donuts so that this office can have just a touch of powdered sugar sweetness! Who do you think you are making negative comments about his gesture? Why don’t you take a flying fuck at a rolling donut! Why don’t you take a flying fuck at the mooooooooon!!!”
(or words to that effect)

Ok, I hear ya. When some one does something nice, it’s considered gauche to complain about it. Miss Manners would be appauled (well after she recovered from her swoon).

OTOH, I personally am likely to make a comment like that as a joke (although I generally hope that I know my audiences well enough to avoid hurt feelings).

What happens if you eat 8 Krispy Kreme donuts?

I’ve actually never had a Krispy Kreme donut.

Does anyone else see the irony in someone named Elvis criticizing any donut?

KKDs are the best thing in the world. Really no comparing them to another donut. This probably explains the OP: the person who criticized the donuts should go and get his own damned donuts. HOWEVER, and I say this without a hint of hyperbole: I’d rather eat no donuts at all than eat a non-KK donut. Why indulge unless you go for the best?

Minor gripe, however: put the donuts in the right fucking place in the rack, mister or miss Donut Person. Nothing pisses me off more than getting home with (what I think are) six creme filleds, and finding out they are lemon or custard or whatever that satan-semen is they put in the rest of the non-creme filled KK donuts.

Wow, you sure are missing out on a lot of wonderful donuts!

Not really. I was only turned on to KKs about 2 years ago. It’s an informed choice, based on the other donuts available!


Krispy Kreme…

The donuts of the GODS!!

This might be considered a hijack, but when Krispy Kreme went public a year or two ago, my stock club immediately called our broker and told him to spend whatever we had on hand on KK stock. He actually argued with us! He doesn’t like food stocks, because there’s a liability issue, if KK ever gets sued becasue someone gets sick, blahblahblah… we told him to buy it anyway- he did, and we’ve realized a huge return on it. So there, broker.

According to Macro Man

I blew the devil this morning. All things considered I should get used to that for the after life.

I must say to all those who decry the Krispy Kreme : MORE FOR ME! YEAH!

There’s a guy that brings KK’s once a week to work without any expectations. I thank him every week. People that bitch about freebies should have their arms ripped off, then they’d really have something to bitch about.

Ditto. I’d rather have no donuts than a KK: gross little things–airy & fatty & amazingly overrated. You should have told them he was doing everybody else a favor.

And I’m trying to imagine a way someone could say it, even as a joke, and not sound like an a-hole. Nope, can’t do it.

I have an honest question (please don’t take offense but I saw no need to start a new thread).

When people rant about the rudeness of people (outsiders, the one in the scenario) in the Pit, do you guys actually tell the person why you were offended? Or is it just a rant in here and the offender knows nothing about it?

Personally, I would have told the guy straight out, and I’m just wondering if Elvis told this guy.

Go and actually try to solve problems instead of just bitching about them at people you don’t know?


I am so anti-Krispy Kreme…they are not a donut they are an abomination. And what is almost is bad is the continual fawning over them by people. Am I the only one who feels this way?

I’ve never had a KK donut, but I do have a KK t-shirt, given to me by my wife on her last visit to our local purveyor of those allegedly glorious/hateful confections.

She claims she’s just looking out for my health. I think she’d rather torture me than kill me.

said with a smile, “what, no creme filled ones? geez… no, I’m joking, here let me pour your coffee”

I’m known for joking around the workplace, just this morning, some one was holding the doors open and let me in, and I said ‘gosh, you’ll let just anyone in here’, then followed it up with (as I saw another guy who works there heading for the door) ‘but don’t let him in, he’s been bad’.

I will also admit that I pick my targets for this - there’s an older woman there who will send every urban legend in the world, plus all the cloyingly sweet email forwards. She’s a very nice lady. I’d never do that to her, ‘cause her sense of humor is more of the cute bunny variety. and another woman there has been scientifically proven to have no sense of humor whatsoever, so I dont’ joke w/her, either.

I feel about them like I feel about KFC - I’ll never admit in public (note the irony) that I like them, because they are revolting. However there is just something about them though that puts them in danger if I’m in the vicinity.

Either way - when it’s your turn, Elvis, get a nice box of Dunkin’ Donuts, walk in, tell the people who bitched about the non KK’s to bite burned ass, and pass the DD’s around to the grateful types.