Fuck off brother. I didn't kill my son

The BBQ Pit
21

You’re absolutely doing the right thing. From my experience (though, I’ve never lost a child), there is nothing harder than loving someone, trying to help only to find out you’re making it worse and that you really can’t do a thing to help him, and watch him destroy his life and the lives of everyone around him.

[QUOTE=FYB]
A fact of living with this is that something is going to happen that will interupt my abilaty to work. If I am working and my abitaty to work is interupted one of two things is going to happen, eather I am going to lose my job or I am not. The concequences of losing my job are a function of what I am doing with the monie I am earning. If I am suporting myself with the monie then losing it resolts in me losing my sorce of suport.
[/QUOTE]

Some people realize they are sick and honestly try to get help; he’s just using it as an excuse to continue on his destructive path. In my opinion, no amount of mental disease is an excuse for a conscious decisions like “I’m going to fail, so I might as well not even try” like what this quote from his e-mail REALLY means. For the love of God, if he really wanted to make his life better, he would at least TRY to hold a job and only ask for help when his sickness, which he should be actively working on, actually causes him to screw up.

I also know, at least from my observations, it’s even harder for a parent to love a child in the same way you are loving your brother; that is, by NOT being an enabler. You are absolutely right that your mother is being an enabler and so, in a tragic twist of fate, she’s really a large part of the cause of her own suffering. So, be very careful not to end up in a similar predicament where you are emotionally enabling her to continue financially enabling your brother; this is a hole that is much harder to see, and much easier to fall into.

I won’t presume to say what you should do, as I certainly know only this small part of the story, but as much as I agree with you cutting yourself off from him, I do not think it should be permanent, but should instead be conditional. You had said you were willing to pay for him to volunteer, help your family or get help; so make sure he knows, even if it is just through your sister or mother, that you are willing to extend your hand if he is sincerely seeking your help and not just your enablement. It seems, if he finally decides he’s ready for some therapy, you’d be willing to help him pay what part of the bill he cannot afford–paid directly to the doctor, of course.

22

Please don’t wear yourself out trying to figure out a way to get through to him. He is not wired like you are and cannot empathize with either you or your mother. You are only peripherals. He is consumed by his problems and who he perceives is responsible. Take care of yourself and TW.

23

If you’re at all interested in making any more stabs at helping him with the bipolar, refusing the medication and counseling stuff is often something self-medicating bi-polars do. Thing is, what they self-medicate themselves with is cocaine, which, not surprisingly, swings the problem even further out of control. Just a thought, but something (less-severe, luckily) happened like this to one of my friends recently, and having identified the problem, was able to at least make an effort to break the cycle.

24

One of the biggest concerns had been with how badly he was treating my mom. It seemed like she was dying a little more each day. My sister and I were discussing the situation, and she hit it right on the nail – Mom is acting just like a battered woman. The bruses are emotional, but her actions are just exactly like an abused person, which is what she is.

We got my aunt involved and convinced everyone involved to have Mom move up with our grandmother for a while. Mom’s just started counseling again, and we hope that this time she’ll get some strength and will be able to help herself more.

I have absolutely no desire to have anything to do with him for the next half year or so. He’ll have to start respecting our mom’s property, get off of taking money from her and stop emailing me with insane comments. Since he’s sick, he may or may not be able to do this, but I have to withdraw from his life. I’ve got too many other things to worry about. I will support conseling for him (paid directly to the doctor, of course) if he wants to do that, but I’m not going to email him and I’ll continue blocking his email.

In the mean time, I’ve got my aunt, sister and grandmother involved in Mom’s support network, so the burden doesn’t all fall to me.

If fact, for the next 5 days, it won’t fall on me at all! We’re flying down to Taiwan for her work and a mini-vacation for me, and I’m going to let this problem go during the time. A week off will help!

25

Wow, this is just like my older brother. I feel for you. And no, you did not kill your son, and hopefully the piece of shiz does not kill your mom. I’m pretty sure it’s my brother’s life goal to kill our dad. And then? Well, then he gets my grandmother’s money when she dies, because he basically looks at her inevitable death not as a loss, but as a cash cow. People like this are purely and simply a waste of air and space. It’s sad, but when people refuse to get help and become destructive to the otherwise healthy people around them, there’s only one answer: public stoning. And maybe the public display of violence will scare others like them to seek help before they too suffer the same fate… I am kidding, of course… Well, mostly kidding…

26

HeraBetrayed, FYI this thread is 5 years old. It’s such a sensitive topic, for many reasons, and I wished you’d have shown a bit more sensitivity to TokyoPlayer before re-opening an old wound.

27

It is an old thread, but it makes us (well, me at least) ask: TokyoPlayer, how are things going with you these days? I hope much, much better than what was happening when you originally posted this.

Perhaps you could start a new thread and catch us up, if you don’t mind?

28

I know this is a zombie thread but wow, this hit close to home for me. I should cross stitch it on a pillow and sleep with it nightly until it burns into my brain.

“I’m sorry that you are sick. I really wish that you weren’t. But if you won’t get treatment, then all I can do is limit how much pain you can cause me.”

29

I don’t think there’s anything to be gained by keeping this open.