Fuck that fucking shit. I’m not a woman so I ain’t gotta deal with birthing issues, but if giving birth feels anything like getting whacked in the balls, then fuck that “keep it to a minimum” shit. The last time I got (accidentally) ball-whacked I cut loose with a tirade of obscenities that would have had Lenny Bruce taking notes. When your body is wracked with an all-consuming there-is-nothing-else-in-the-world-but-this-pain, it’s only natural to scream in agony and curse those around you. So Katie dear, don’t listen to their bullshit. Feel free to holler and cuss when you’re popping out that little Tomlet. Fuck the Travoltas, fuck your stupid husband, and fuck their inane “religion.” Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck 'em to fucking hell.
Lord knows I am no fan of scientology, but I managed to get through 3 births without swearing once. I think I said God alot and groaned and moaned. Yes, it hurt like hell–no epidurals here(long story)-but I never lost my mind or talked out of my head. As with most of life, YMMV. Alot of women are overwhelmed by the pain–everyone’s pain is different. I know a nurse colleague who was screaming fuck at the top of her lungs, and she kicked the doctor in the head!
My point is that while I don’t agree with any of these batshit insane people, each woman’s labor and delivery is unique to her, and yelling obscenities is not an automatic response. Katie should be able to feel free to scream whatever she wants, but apparently, others want to control her. Blech.
It sounds like a wise decision to me. I mean, look at how it would go if she’s allowed to speak:
Katie: AAAAAAAAHHHH! FUCKING SHIT various expletives!
Tom:Yes! Soon, the Saviour will be born, and together we shall RULE THE WORLD!
Katie: AAAAA - uh…what?
Tom: Nothing, dear, nothing. Keep pushing. Deep breaths.
Katie: Saviour?
Tom: Shh, be a bit more quiet, darling.
Katie: SAVIOUR?? Ka-zap!
Xenu: Haha! Your pitiful shouting has alerted me, dread Xenu! I’ll just take that baby, thank you! Ka-zap!
Tom: Oh, bugger. Now we have to wait 1000 years for the next saviour. To the cryogenic chambers!
Katie: …Buh…wha?
All in all, it’s just best she sticks to screaming.
My wife and I undertook a HypnoBirthing Course, whcih I would imagine involves similar techniques (although the $cientologist equivalent will likely charge you a fortune for cosmetic changes in terminology). The basic idea is that if you try to relax as much as possible you don’t tense up when you feel a contraction come along, which makes them far more bearable. I put her in a trance and used various visualisation techniques for her entire labour - she arrived at hospital fully dilated and ready to push (which the midwife had never seen in her career). At this second stage, she wasn’t quite silent and gave a definite groan when the 9lb chap popped out, but I think it showed that labour can be a bit like drowning - panic might play a large part in all the noise and perception of unberable agony. (This is not, of course, to say that some births would not be agony even with such techniques.)
So, I’m not defending Scientology (and even HypnoBirthing incorporates quite a few strong-smelling bullshit elements), and I don;t think “silent” should be taken too literally, but hypnosis and other psychotherapeutic techniques (which Scientology is an expensive, highly flawed amateur version of, really) can certainly help keep a birth from becoming overwhelming.
Wifecat was told told quite sternly by the nurse “Zavrej Pusu!” (Shut yer mouth!). This is one of the safest places in the world to have a baby, but they sure do treat you like a standardized process. Roll in, push out, slap ass, suck teat for 5 seconds, roll 'em out.
Would you like to be born into choas, screaming, bright lights, harsh cold steel and panic? Or how about we try to keep things as mellow as possible? Seems reasonable to me, Scientology aside. They’re certainly not the only folks advocating a gentle transition from cozy warm womb to harsh nasty world, whatever you want to call it. Now, they may be advocating it for batshit insane reasons, but so what?
Add me as another woman who gave birth (twice) without swearing. It certainly wasn’t silent, and the c-section was a lot harsher than I would have liked, but there was no need for screaming or panic or swearing.
Giving birth is NOT at all like getting kicked in the balls or putting your penis in a blender, as far as I can tell.
Actually, yeah, I have. An old friend of my family’s is terrified of calories (yes, she’s a small woman). So much so that she avoided them even when she was pregnant. I’m all for people watching what they eat, but it does seem to me that pregnant women get a free pass. I saw her when she was, dunno, sixish months pregnant? You couldn’t tell that she was pregnant. At all. She was wearing a maternity shirt, but lord if she didn’t need it. I just can’t help but think that that wasn’t good for the baby. It’s my personal opinion that developing babies needs them calories, so eat up, girls!
I was the biggest pussy on two feet when it came to the birth experience. I totally screamed when others wouldn’t have and I am sure I couldn’t have controlled it even if I wanted to. (Thank goodness for that epidural.) The nurses were like, Oh, Mrs. Caricci, you aren’t relaxing into the contraction, didn’t you take a childbirth class? Yes, but I wasn’t in labor for it! Dude, you can’t predict how you’re going to endure childbirth and it’s silly to even think you can.
Giving birth without swearing. I have never thought of it, and boy is it funny.
Acrylic Vessel is due next month, and if the kid comes out the way it’s supposed to (as opposed to c-section like the last one) I think they’ll have to repaint the room once she’s done.
And by the way, “heavily pregnant” is a reference to the child developing in the slightly-higher-than-Earth gravity of their homeworld using the most modern womb-centricity devices available.
