Fuck Spanx!

See now, she checked out the Spanx but said she really hated the fabric and said that multiple salespeople recommended the other ones (I have no idea what brand they were) and said they all prefer them to Spanx. I have to say that once she got the bloody thing on it made her fitted satin sheath look great but damn, getting into the thing must’ve been torture–I did notice she ducked out to the ladies’ room once we got to the reception and came back with a somewhat different profile–my guess is that the garment in question ended up in her purse or out in the car.

I’m so glad I don’t give a shit if I’m lumpy! :smiley: I doubt I could wear anything like that anyway, since wearing polyester fabrics makes me break out in a rash and itch like fire. I can wear a wool sweater with no bra, but nylons make me look like a smallpox victim, go figure.

Buddy of mine’s got this post card of a girl wearing nothing but high heels and a machine gun. It says, “Honey, does this outfit make me look fat?”

I wore Spanx under my wedding gown. They were awesome and totally did the job. I did remove them in private once we got to the hotel, though. I didn’t want my husband to witness the elaborate unpeeling event on our wedding night - not very sexy. I wonder if he thinks I just went starkers under my dress all day?

I have a couple “compression” type smoothy things. As Tim Gunn says, it’s all about the foundation.

I call them my scuba suits.

I have the one that starts at the bra line and goes to the thighs. I was amazed that it didn’t move much when I wore it, abut now that it’s been washed a few times, it is starting to slip.

Beats the hell out of that bloody muffin top tho!

I have two Spanx (one I hardly use, the ‘footless’ tights ones and the other is the bike-shorts style) and they’re great. They’re meant to be tight because they’re smooshing down all your fat!

Try going up one size. I find them a pain in the ass to get on, but it’s totally fine once I’m in them for a minute.

Should have rented one before buying.

Anyways, you are using it wrong. The idea is that you put them on and off every day, and after some time, you start losing all the cellulite and love handles by virtue of the exercise you are getting with them. You are not supposed to go out with them.

Hmm. The Spanx website has nothing listed in their return policy for products purchased in retail stores. I will check with Lane Bryant and see if they will give me a store credit or something.

Nuts to this whole compression undergarment thing! I will just embrace my cellulite and panty lines or work out more and wear thongs. Those are my options now, none of this underwear that squooshes your fat so that it crowds up against your internal organs. I might be convinced to get a corset to go under a wedding gown someday but other than that it ain’t gonna happen.

I’m right there with you. Spanx are the DEVIL. I have to wear pantyhose at work if I wear a skirt or a dress and I’ve tried no less than 6 pairs of Spanx pantyhose (yes, I’m slow on the uptake) and EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM ran within the 1st or 2nd wear. And they were all bitches to get on. I went up a size on the chart. Still too tight and hard to pull on. I went up two sizes and then they were easier to get on but the weird panthose short part came down too low and showed under my skirt unless I kept pulling it up. I wasn’t unnaturally rough with them either. I’ve had 6 dollar pantyhose last much longer than Spanx did. Why did I keep buying them? Because fat chicks everywhere love them and they matched my skin tone the best and didn’t make me look like I was wearing granny hose. But no more. I’m done falling for their stupid tricks. Those devil hose have gotten more than enough money from me. Now I just stick to the stupid 6 dollar pantyhose from JC Penny that’s always a shade darker or lighter than I need it to be. At least they fit and don’t feel like they’re going to cut me in half.

On a side note. I did return a pair that ran after the first time I wore them and Lane Bryant let me exchange them for another pair (that’s when I tried the 2 size up experiment).

You wouldn’t have panty lines if you stopped wearing panties.

http://www.theretrobaby.com/store/product_info.php?products_id=677

This is a timely thread.

Yesterday I wore for the first time a new camisole made by “Flexees”, which is along the line of Spanx. It’s a light stretchy foundation garment designed to hold in some jiggles and to add a little warmth. The trouble is it kept rolling up from the waist every time I moved and ended up in a wad just under my boobs, which negated the warmth and coverage factor to say the least! I got tired of surreptitiously reaching under my blouse to yank it back down again, and went out at lunch to buy a plain ol’ camisole (whew!).

What a ripoff.

Heh, that was pretty much what I did with my wedding dress. The saleslady suggested Spanx or something similar because all the in-store stuff would leave lines with the dress I chose (and forget about a bra–thankfully I don’t need the support that badly). Being the lazy ass I am, I skipped shopping for a pair and wore a thong instead.

Sounds like it was a good thing too, as otherwise it may have put a bit of a damper on the ahem afterparty :smiley:

I have multiple pairs of spanx and like them just fine. I don’t wear them everyday, it is more for specific outfits where lumps would be conspicuous or ruin the overall feel of the outfit.

I have the bra to thigh which I wear under shorter dresses and the longer version for longer dresses and pantsuits. My wedding gown was sheer-ish, so I wanted something originally for that and found that I have used them many times since buying them.

I did buy up a size, which I think helped. Even with pantyhose, I buy up a size.

My mom hates the spanx and refuses to wear it, even though they have been recommended by many people. I really think that some people just have an aversion to the hug of the garment.

Awesome pitting, pbbth! This little gem:

This is the creepiest thing I’ve read in a while, yet I still fell out of my chair laughing. :stuck_out_tongue:

I concur.

If this garment works by compressing your — flesh—into a smooth continuum, but they put a “peehole” into the flow, it seems to me that, by le Chatelier’s principle, or something, your body is going to react by pushing stuff out over the top, under the bottom, and out through the 'peehole".

It doesn’t matter that you’re female and don’t have an appendage there – just wearing this suit the way it’s formed suggests that your body is going to CREATE an appendage out of flesh or fat or something in a vain attempt to try to escape. Plus you’ll have the devil’s own muffin tops and puffy ankles.

Or am I wrong?

I would recommend pantyhose with lycra in them. I love them - they cost more than your regular pantyhose, but they are worth it for the support and smoothing they give (without making you feel like you’re in the clutches of some kind of dark ages torture device). Mine seem to last forever, too.

ETA: Forgot to thank the OP for the warning. I will not be wasting $28 on a pair of Spanx any time soon. :slight_smile:

I’m no physicist, but I do have a vagina and I can assure you that it’s never oozed out the pee hole of my Spanx (thankfully). If it does manage to squeeze itself out of the Spanx pee hole (which is really a long slit, not a hole) like a tube of toothpaste, I’ll report back to you.

The Spanx can either be worn attached to your bra or on your natural waist. Either way, for my fat ass at least, no muffin top is created. I wear the ones that are like little shorts under some of my dresses, so I have no puffy ankle issues either.

Educate a guy here: if you’r so concerned about a panty line, why not wear the female equivalent of long johns? Or just something which comes down the leg a bit? And surely it only has to be lightly elasticated to give the smoothness effect?

Well, it’s not just smoothness, but actual compression, to make someone look slimmer.