Fuck the Fucking LA Times

WILL YOU STOP FUCKING CALLING ME!

For the love of God, you stupid bastards have called me THREE FUCKING TIMES in a 24 hour period. Here’s a little hint for you:

  1. I only want your crappy wanna-be newspaper on Sunday!

  2. As a matter of fact, I don’t even want it at all. My girlfriend ordered it, for the coupons!

  3. I don’t care if you’re going to be in my area Monday, I don’t want a free paper!

  4. And don’t pull the same shit as last time, where I declined an offer for free Monday deliveries and then you fucking gerbil-fuckers delivered it anways, AND THEN FUCKING CHARGED US FOR IT!

Here’s an idea: Why don’t you shit-slurpers get off the fucking phone with me, go to Sacramento and actually report on what’s going on in the state capitol instead of letting the legislators up there bankrupt our fucking state while you devote your energies to writing puff-pieces about your other business interests?

Fuck you, you unethical, lying, incompetent fucks,
Vic

Hello, I represent the LA Times …

So the reporters are telemarketing on the side? I’m confused.

I wish the OP would make up his mind as to how he feels about the Times, instead of waffling so much.

Yeah, when it’s all sugar-coated, I have a hard time sifting through the ambivalence.

I refuse to make sense until the LA Times manages to not contact me for an entire 24 hours! I’m holding reason hostage until my demands are met!

(and yes, that includes that suspicious Snooooopy guy)

Mr. Ferrari, the LA Times is offering a FREE week of our newspaper’s stories telepathically beamed straight into your head! Now, how does that sound? I’ll go ahead and get the paperwork started.

Dude…you, too? They just started sending me the paper for no reason. It just started getting delivered each morning. Then they tried to charge me, too! I’m with you, bro. FUCK THE L.A. TIMES!!!

They’ve been doing that FOREVER.

I used to get the Sunday Times, and they’d keep calling me and calling me and calling me to get me to do the week too. They never let up.

A funny semi-related hijack. My late father LOVED the LA Times and faithfully got the paper every day. But we had an errant paperboy and sometimes he (she?) would throw the paper in a puddle or something.

Now, usually my dad just put up with the wet paper. He’d slow dry it in the open oven. (Yes, he would do do that. He couldn’t live without his LA Times.) But if some pages were ruined and unreadable (and these were pages he wanted to read) then he’d call up the LA Times, complain, and make them send out a new copy.

This happened A LOT. Many a morning I’d hear him call up the LA Times and, once again, explain to them that his paper was unreadable. He was always very polite and patient. But it happend A LOT. The folks down at the LA Times knew him well and I’m sure thought he was a crank. They once accused him of just making it all up. But he wasn’t.

I don’t know why the LA Times just didn’t simply tell the paperboy to STOP DOING THAT. Delivering a paper that is rendered unreadable by the customer doesn’t make any sense, especially when the customer is a stubborn old goat/LA Times junkie who WILL insist on getting a readable copy no matter what.

What’s that in the air?

sniff sniff

Smells like a Class Action Lawsuit to me!

Try to guess what I found outside my door this morning. Go on, take a wild guess.

Yep, you got it. Another fucking LA Times.

Is today Sunday? No, today is Saturday.

Did I ask for this paper? No, I have repeatedly told the LA Times that I only want to recieve a paper on Sunday.

Do I expect them to try and charge me for it? You betcha

Do you have caller ID? I ask because my current newspaper telemarketing calls are coming from New Jersey (I’m in Tennessee).

I ask because I’ve started getting calls wanting me to expand my subscription to the Knoxville News-Sentinel. I really only want the Sunday paper, but the minimum that I’m able to subscribe to is Fri-Sat-Sun. So, now I’m getting calls telling me about this “fantastic” offere…only 11 cents more a week to get the paper every day.

The one today, I finally told him that if they called me one more time, I was going to cancel my subscription entirely, since I have far better things to do with my time than answer calls from them (for instance, right now it’s dealing with this stomach bug that’s going around and that I’ve managed to get. Yep, puking is more fun than them). Hopefully that will fix it, but somehow I doubt it.

You think that’s bad? I keep getting calls asking me to subscribe to the San Francisco Chronicle. To which I am already a subscriber! I’ve already bought your goddam product, you can stop trying to sell it to me, you morons!

That reminds me of when I first subscribed to the San Diego Union-Tribune several years ago. Soon after I started receiving it, I started getting kids knocking on my door at LEAST twice a week asking if I wanted to subscribe to it! (The especially weird thing about was every time it was a DIFFERENT kid at the door!)

No matter how many times I told them I was already subscribed, they just kept coming. ARRRRRRRGH!!! I finally had to write a nastygram to the paper’s circulation department to get it to stop.

I guess it’s a widespread phenomena and not just a conspiracy to drive me insanse. I’m not sure if that’s good or bad, but it’s nice to know that I’m not being singled out.

Thanks for the support everyone!

(Well, everyone but Snooooopy of course. Thanks to him, I’ll be sleeping in my space blanket tonight.)

Resistance is futile. Prepare to be assimiliated … into the wonderful world of daily delivery of the LA Times! As a special thank-you, we’ll send you a cool LA Times T-shirt! It’s got the LA Times logo on the front, it’s 100 percent cotton and one size fits all. Wearing the T-shirt is mandatory; failure to wear the T-shirt will result in a fine of up to $1000 and/or a jail sentence of up to one year.

Have a super day!