Fuck those who don't take clinical depression seriously

The BBQ Pit
1

I’ve known that I had some sort of depression since the age of fifteen, but only had it officially diagnosed early last year. Since then I’ve been working hard at keeping my health and mood at a good level. It’s fucking hard work. I have doctor’s appointments to work out the dosage of my medications, and I have visits to a psychologist to work through issues that aren’t biological. I’m making improvements, but it’s only been a year of weaving in and out of emotional stability and sometimes I slip and it’s tough spiraling down and then having to regain the momentum of my hard work again. Lately, it’s been more stressful than ever, so under the advice of my psychologist, I applied for a leave of absence due to medical issues at work.

I spoke to my boss first to discuss it. She, along with the people in HR who deal with benefits issues, know that I have been seeing a registered psychologist and is on anti-depressents. All the evidence is shown in the records. She seemed to have an issue with my request, even though I’ve complied by all the company standards and regulations. When I told her what the issue is, the fact that I’m just getting too stressed out, and need to concentrate on my medical and mental issues, her responses were condescending and immature. Like when I explained to her that it’s just too much to wake up and face the day when I’m so drained of energy, she suggested that I adjust my work start time, then “You won’t have a problem with getting up in the morning!” Or when I tell her that I’m just not physically capable of working through the stress, “Lots of people get through their sad days, don’t let your emotions affect the work you do!”

Unfortunately, her ignorance isn’t her fault but perpetuated by perfectly healthy people who use depression as an excuse to be lazy. Something shitty happens to this perfectly happy person, and all of a sudden, he is “depressed”. Maybe the shitty situation triggered the depression, but when said person gets over his depression when life situations start to change, he is not really depressed, just in a bad mood.

I don’t know what I can do to change this. I’ve been diagnosed by both a physician and a psychologist, and both have advised me to take it easy with work. This is a doctor’s recommendation, yet it’s not taken as seriously as say… if I were to have diabetes. My boss wouldn’t have said half the things she said if it was diabetes instead of depression, yet because of one tiny label, even if it’s completely backed up by professionals, I’m seen as an unmotivated lazy person who can’t bother to show up to work because she is “too sad”.

That said, it just seems like I have to submit the form to HR myself instead of my boss doing it. Plus, I am considering lodging a greivance over her attitude, but not sure about it, because my boss normally seem like such an intelligent and understanding person. This really caught me off guard and really gave me the realization of how ignorant people are about clinical depression.

2

I feel for you, S&D. I’ve fought depression most of my life, and I seem to be getting better at it, but people don’t really take it as seriously as they should. I’ve been lucky enough to have understanding family and coworkers so far, and now that I work in a healthcare field I think I’ll be ok if the depression ever comes back enough to affect my work (knock wood).

Go to HR, see what they can do about it. If you have medical papers stating that you need a reduced workload, or time off, or something, wouldn’t they have to respect it? If you’re depressed enough to need time off, you’re sure as hell not going to be as productive as your boss obviously wants you to be.

Sometimes I wish that depression also made you all scabby on the outside or something, just so people would stop treating it as a “bad attitude” and recognize it as a real medical problem. Good luck - let us know how it goes.

3

People don’t handle complaints of stress very well, I’ve found. Including me. It’s so easy to look at the heap of shit on your plate and look at the guy who’s whining about his, and say, “What a wuss! Eat up, chump!” No one likes a whiner or a complainer, even when someone is well-justified in doing both. And because stress and depression don’t manifest themselves in bloody wounds or crippled limbs, people think you’re just exaggerating or making shit up.

If I were you, I wouldn’t have even bothered with the descriptions. Your boss doesn’t need anymore of an explanation than, “I’m going through some severe health issues at the moment and I need a break.” You don’t have to paint a picture for any other kinds of illness, so why paint one for your depression? If pressed for details, just say “I’m dealing with severe fatigue related to my depression.” I’ve found that physical symptoms evoke more understanding and sympathy than emotional ones.

Your boss doesn’t sound malicious, just clueless. She obviously hasn’t suffered from depression. The later-working-hours suggestion doesn’t sound like a bad idea on the face of it. From her point-of-view, she may have only been trying to present an idea you may not have considered. It may be that she’s never dealt with anything like this and was just trying to grasp for something to say and it came out wrong. If this is the extent of her “thoughtlessness”, I would not file a grievance.

4

OK, so seriously- what do you expect her to do? You can’t work and not do your job. IMHO, if it’s serious enough that you’re not able to perform your job, you should look into the Family Medical Leave Act, take off whatever time your doctor suggests, and return when you’re able to work again. If you’re not able to work anymore, then you need to look into disability. What exactly is your employer supposed to do?

If you had a physical disability, I would say the same thing. Take care of the medical issue that’s making you unable to do your job, then return. If it’s permanent and makes you unable to perform your work, find other work or look into disability. It’s not fair to expect your employer to bend to your particular health issues, no matter if it’s diabetes, MS, or depression.

I think you and your doctors need to arrive at a solution that is fair to both you and your employer. Your employer doesn’t need to know the daily ins and outs of your health situation or be that involved in it.

5

Before I get flamed, I missed where it said you applied for the leave of absence- I blame the cheap boxed wine at the Christmas party I was at :slight_smile:

I’ll amend my post to say that yes, people are incredibly ignorant to what exactly clinical depression is, and a lot are the same way about a lot of other ailments as well. Does your boss need to approve your leave or just HR?

If she’s that disrespectful and clueless, is it possible to just deal with HR about it directly and leave her out of the loop?

Sorry for the misunderstanding/misread!

6

I can see why people wouldn’t be very sympathetic to you after hearing that, it gives the impression that you are just overwhelmed at work rather than having an actual disease. Shes probably thinking “i deal with a lot more shit than you do and you don’t see me whining about it” because it sounds like the work is the reason for the stress and depression rather than the disease making the work overwhelm you. I agree with whoever posted that no description other than “ive been diagnosed with clinical depression” was necesary, making it sound like work is just too much for you would probably get you the same reaction from most bosses.

7

My sympathies to you, S&D. I’m in the middle of one of those leaves myself. I pondered a bit before eventually emailing my supervisor something along the lines of “My health care professional has advised that I take some time off. I’ll be filing the appropriate paperwork with our contracted leave management firm.”

I’m worried more about what to say to “people” when I go back. My supervisor will be professional enough not to ask for details, and is frankly smart enough not to want to know anyway. But there’s everybody else. What do I say - “I’ve been out having a personality transplant”? This appeals to me, but it is too snarky and too close to the truth. So I am rehearsing - doctor’s orders, I don’t care to discuss it, do we have a staff meeting this afternoon? It really isn’t anyone’s business. After all, you wouldn’t feel they are entitled to the details of your colonoscopy, right?
Having said that, it’s tough. I think it’s best to stick with the fact that the leave was approved/endorsed/required by a medical professional, but some people can’t take a hint, and some won’t take a hint.