I work in a hospital, and the guy I work with mostly is a really nice guy. He does suffer from depression though, and given his situation in life, it’s completely understandable – without going into details he’s doing the same job I’m using to put myself through uni but he’s in his late 40’s.
The thing is though, not only is it really starting to get me down that he bitches and moans so much (again, he’s a really nice guy when he’s not and the only person I work with I consider a friend as well as a co-worker), but also he’s unintentionally really hard on patients sometimes. For example, a guy today was really, really incontinent and shit went everywhere. I think he was embarrassed enough without having to hear my co-worker moaning “Oh go-o-o-d, what a mess…”
Is there any way to tell him to cool down a little without damaging our friendship? I think it’s more of a bind because I’m a bit under half his age and he’s been doing the job for years longer than I have. I really don’t want to come off as too big for my britches or anything.
Well, if the guy is suffering from depression, do me a huge favor and do not tell him to cheer up, because that’s basically like telling a person with no legs to grow a new pair.
Other than that, I recommend you talk to a supervisor - age differences aside, it’s not your place as an employee to say something to him, and it’s not going to be conducive to your work environment if you say something. If his attitude is affecting his work, let your boss know, and let him/her deal with it.
No, I’m sorry, but there is not. You just can’t fix other people, especially people who are twice your age. All you can do us redirect when he starts getting negative with you. If he starts up, just lead him to happier topics. There is no way that outright telling him how to do his job and how to deal with other people will not cost you the friendship.
Any chance he was ever a Boy Scout? Then you could ask him what the 8th point of the Scout Law is.
Is there anyone working there who is a model of cheerfulness and positive attitude? If so, you could casually mention how you admire that person for spreading good cheer and good vibes to the patients, even with all the shit (literal and figurative) they have to deal with.
My husband is grumpy and depressed a lot, and the only thing that I have found that works is to tease him and sing him silly songs and generally be as chipper as possible. It’s hard work to be happy when another person is depressed, but if you become unhappy too, the unhappiness feeds off itself and soon you both will be ten times as depressed.
Don’t tell him to smile or to cheer up. Grin at him instead, and sing songs and tell jokes. Tell him funny stories. If he still doesn’t respond, the only thing you can do is be happy for yourself! Really, don’t let him get to you. It’s not good for either of you, especially if you work in close quarters.
I have a similar problem, only the person is my best friend. We AIM every night, and she’s become so unrelentingly negative that it’s hard not to avoid her. She suffers from depression (as do I) but told me last night she’d taken herself off her meds because she didn’t think they were helping. She didn’t bother to contact her doctor to try somethign else, just weaned herself off them. Her problems are always someone else’s fault, of course. Right now she’s suing a former employer because they didn’t accomodate her needs under the Americans with Disabilities Act. In the end they fired her, and, quite honestly, if I was her employer, I’d’ve fired her,too, with the stuff she did. She was depressed then when she didn’t have a job. Then she landed a cool job that gave her plenty of leeway for success. He boss thinks she’s doing a great job, but because she doesn’t see that, she’s looking for something safe and retail. She’s blaming the former employer for her lack of confidence in herself.
Anyway, every night I try to move the conversation to light subjects and she unrelentingly drags it down. She now says I’m her only friend, wich puts more responsibility for her than I want. Finally last night I told her I couldn’t take her constant negativity anymore and I was going to head out. I felt badly about it, but I had to tell the truth for a change. I’m sure if she loses my friendship she’ll blame her former employer for that, too.
I agree with alphaFemale who agrees with furlibusea
The only thing I would add is if the behavior toward patients you observed is not an isolated one-time occurence you should talk it over with your supervisor. I don’t know what type of patients you work with but this type of comment could be devastating to someone dealing with real incontinence issues.
I once fired a nurse for calling a teen in our hospital “a big baby” because he had wet his bed. He was in the hospital because of a spinal cord injury which resulted in loss of bladder control, and for teenagers especially, restoring a healthy body image is a major goal for recovery. Don’t take your friends comments too lightly when they are made to patients. Black humor and complaining in the break room is one thing, it relieves the stress of the jobs we do and I am all for that. Degrading comments to patients is another ball of wax. Your obligation is to the patients. Plus it may be time for your friend to move on. He sounds burned out.
Good luck!
And you were right to be concerned about that comment to the patient. I don’t know what you do but if you are ever in Atlanta and need a job in patient care look me up.
