I would like to pit my brain, and brains in general. They sit up there, warm and secure inside the skill, constantly waited upon and served by legions of neurotransmitter systems, like they are a fucking king or something. They consume the lion’s share of oxygen and nutrients. They are super sensitive, easily hurt, not easily repaired.
And what do we get in return? A faint recollection of past events. Like, a REALLY faint recollection. My brain can barely remember what I ate for dinner last night. But it remembers in vivid detail all the times I made a jackass of myself courtesy… my brain. It’s not that my brain cannot remember things - it WILL NOT remember things I want. It has happily written into permanent storage all the mean things people ever said to me, and all the astoundingly dumb things I did growing up. But not the precious details of the vacation last summer.
At work it is no better. It struggles to learn. It hesitates to apply itself to a problem. The logical thinking circuits are all scrambled up. At 11 am the little fatball demands a nap. Nap and it feels groggy for the rest of the day. Do not nap and it feels miserable and refuses to concentrate, also for the rest of the day.
It procrastinates endlessly. That deserves its own post. I will get to it someday.
Fuck all that, let me try some meditation.
Me: Begins meditation
Brain: “YOU’VE BEEN HIT BY, YOU’VE BEEN STRUCK BY, A SMOOOOOOTH CRIMINAL”
TADALALALA TRALALALA HAHAHA
The music cortex, if there is such a thing, is laden with worms that only wake up when I try to meditate.
Little bitch cannot keep quiet for a second. It jumps around with monkey-like ease, bringing up random buried memories from the embarrassing events database. It rejoices in the misfortunes of others. It craves carbs and sugars even as it understands how unhealthy these are. It is fucking incompetent in manufacturing its own neurotransmitters and requires years or decades of external supplementation. It won’t manufacture enough melatonin to sleep at night, nor enough activation factors to stay awake through the day.
Fuck you, brain. I would gladly exchange you for half a mountain goat’s spleen. You worthless piece of neuronal sphagetti ball.