I see it in real life, and I really see it around these boards - there seem to be a lot of people to whom the marriage vows include an unspoken “until things get tough, or I get bored, or I find someone or something more interesting.” Not to come off as all high-and-mighty, but a 50% divorce rate in the U.S. means a whole lot of people aren’t taking vows made before their friends, their family, their church and their state very seriously.
Ummmm…in a word, NO. What he is supposed to do is honor the promise that he made to her years ago. You know, the one about “To have and to hold from this day forward, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health…”.
Move on and live their lives, my ass. A man would be there at his wife’s side. Her cousin’s husband isn’t a man, he’s an asshole with no sense of honor or integrity.
Really? So anyone who doesn’t honor that promise isn’t a man?
Because there are an awful lot of divorced males in the world who might be surprised to hear it.
Just want to say - while I don’t necessarily agree with this man or his kids’ actions, how come everyone is so certain about the content of their marriage vows. I’ve been at plenty of weddings that were just a version of “Do you take this man as your husband?”“Do you take this woman as your wife?”“I pronounce you Man and Wife!” - especially civil weddings.
Good point, though considering the divorce rate, I just can’t get too worked up about the vows part. Marriages end for sillier reasons all the time.
That isn’t to say dude is necessarily a good guy.
Hi, Pot, meet Kettle
If the husband wants to be with a new woman, he should divorce his wife, incapaciated or not. He’ll still be a pig, but he won’t be breaking his marriage vows.
I sure wouldn’t want to be his second wife. I’d keep wondering if he would abandon me too, if I got sick. Of course, if you’re the kind of person who takes up with another woman’s husband, you probably deserve it.
I would consider a divorce the ultimate breakage of marriage vows.
There could be excellent reasons for not divorcing. There could be stupid, selfish reasons, too.
This reminds me of a IMHO/GD thread from about two months ago “Morals of sleeping with a married person” in which [post=9125883]I asked[/post]
So I am curious as to the thinking here: If he had continued visiting the wife, say once or twice a week, but still started seeing some other woman, would he still be a prick?
Not in my book. At least if he were going to see her, he’d know if she had any needs he could help with. And at the least, she wouldn’t be so lonely (assuming she is).
Perhaps one of those considerations is insurance. Her care may be adversely impacted if he divorces her.
There’s “The person I love is sick” and then there’s “The person I love is effectively gone”. Can the wife in the OP communicate in any significant way? The OP said she was mentally unaffected, but declined to specify on what basis they concluded that.
They live in Canada. She is covered for entirely by the provincial health insurance plan.
This thread has me thinking about marriage and vows and contracts and stuff. If 50% of marriages end in divorce in the U.S. (Canada’s divorce rate is lower), maybe a lifetime commitment isn’t what most people actually need or want. Maybe we’re trying to force people into something that they just don’t fit into.
Firstly remember that there is no federal health plan, it is a provincial jurisdiction. eta: I know you clearly understand the province runs it but saying “she’s in Canada” can mean different things, as I describe below.
There can still be some real out of pocket expenses for serious illness. It’s my understanding that BC is a little more liberal in what they cover but in Ontario, for instance, most drugs are not covered by the government unless you fall into certain needy groups. That’s usually done through private insurance. Though it’s probably not the case here, some stroke victims would require specialized physiotherapy care, which is pretty tough to get covered by OHIP.
Also, perks like private rooms and stuff may carry costs not covered by public health insurance.
Actually, I think the divorce rate in the U.S. is down to about 40%, per the latest stats (2005).
To the best of my knowledge, they are not divorced.
Of course, divorcing her at this point in the game would simply show what an asshole he is.
Well, then you have situations like what my husband is dealing with where his mother has declared that SHE doesn’t want to see her children ever again. We don’t know if this is dementia or a stroke or if she has been unduly influenced by being wanting to take advantage of her and drain her bank account. When her children and other family members attempted to intervene or at least double-check on the situation they were threatened with legal actions against them.
Now, I don’t know the situation of the woman in the OP. Did the stroke(s) also change/destroy her personality? Is she able to interact with others in a meaningful way? Dealing with the mental changes brought on by such problems can, in fact, be more difficult than dealing with physical ones.
And yes, some people just can’t deal with illness/incapacity in a loved one. It’s a failing, but you can’t magically force them to be otherwise.
So let’s peg this down. Clothahump thinks that if you’re married to a comatose woman then that’s tough shit for you. Anyone else?
It all comes down to your word and your honor. I gave my word to my wife, breaking that would destroy my honor, no matter the circumstances. I know that’s not important to a lot of people nowadays, especially people on these boards, but it IS that simple. When one gives his/her word, do they mean it? It may get sticky, it may get unpleasant, it may get downright hard, but it is your word. To some of us, that still matters. The shame here is that it does not to so many more.
I could not love thee, dear, so much, loved I not honor more.*
-Richard Lovelace