That was harsh, babe. 
You should be nicer to me.
- s.e.
Sorry, hon. hug pkbites runs screaming at obvious flaunting of homosexuality And please note the smilies. However, c’mon - “over one billion served”? What kind of retort did you think you were going to get? 
[sub]<-- please note additional smilie[/sub]
Dear Mr. _mcl,
My newest client, Mr. Bites has been, in his words “grossed out” by your comment. In addition, he had an attack of the vapors AND the whim-whams, and as such, has asked me to begin legal proceedings against you for the great emotional distress (and no little jealousy) your admittedly multi-partnered homosexual act caused him.
Thus, in tomorrow’s mail you will find a notice of intent to sue. I advise you, in the meantime to cease and desist all “perverted” activities, lest you compound your crime further.
I would also advise Mr. E. Sprix, Mr. G. Bear and others of the homosexual persuasion that any description of “perverted” sex or your unnatural “lifestyle” will make my client cry and action will be forthcoming, should that occur.
Jay Snap, Attorney at law
Snap, Crackle and Pop, Esq
171 West Krispie Avenue
Battle Creek, Michigan 49017
Dear Mr. Snap:
Very truly yours,
Matt _Mcl
The Fagtorium
69, rue Sainte-Tapette
Montreal, Quebec BL0 J0B
Homoslovakia
[sub]With apologies to anne and amirin. But none, of course, to pkbites.[/sub]
Hey Matt, send pkbites the directions to 5018 St. Laurent.
Dear Mr. _mcl
I am appalled. Posting blatant homosexual pornography was bad enough, but to have it feature a French guy and a Commie, that’s too much to bear.
My client has locked himself in his bedroom and is hiding under the bed weeping like a little girl. He’s angered and upset (and, truth be told, no little bit turned on).
You’ve given him an even worse case of the whim-whams, Mr. _mcl, despite my warning.
No jury in the world will find you innocent.
You will hang for this.
Sincerely,
Jay Snap, Attorney at law
Snap, Crackle and Pop, Esq
171 West Krispie Avenue
Battle Creek, Michigan 49017
God, matt_mcl, was that actually a snippet from your sad erotic stories?
I think pkbites is pretty much dead for the night… let’s see what happens tomorrow. 
- s.e.
Oh, the 5018. Very intersting place. Very interesting… 
- s.e.
Dear Mr. Snap:
Please advise your client to stop pursuing hanging as a penalty, or I will be forced to invoke double-jeopardy provisions on the grounds that I am already hung.
Very truly yours,
Matt _Mcl.
The Fagtorium
69, rue Sainte-Tapette, &c.
[sub]scott: No.[/sub]
I would like to file a friend of the court brief on behalf of the Fagorium, requisite on proof that Mr. mcl is, in fact, hung.
Richard K. McPike
Errr, Pre-Law Student
ATTN: Mr. M. _Mcl, c/o The Fagtorium
69, rue Sainte-Tapette, &c
From: Iam Punha, c/o Bi-Guyz
4242 Either Ave.
Middlesex, Mass.
Re: Your hanging
Mr. Mcl:
Please be advised that, on behalf of our client Iam Punha, we will be requiring evidentiary support of the state of your hangedness henceforth. Please be further advised that unnecessary delay or failure to comply with our request will result in further legal action, possibly resulting in a sub poena.
Yours very truly,
Iam Punha
Bi-Guyz
4242 Either Ave.
[sub]Oh, how I was tempted to stick in “A knife has been included in this package for proper separation of witness and object in question.”
And did we ever figure out, exactly, what was up pkbites’ ass? I mean, other than his head.[/sub]
Dear Mr. _mcl,
Having spent the last several hours trying to coax my client to emerge from his hiding place under the bed, I can now respond:
Regarding hanging, you bring up a vaild point and as my worthy colleagues have suggested, pending demonstration of said point, I’m willing to drop the issue.
Nonetheless, I will continue to pursue recompencence for my client’s grave emotional distress from your blatent homosexuality and your Franco/Prussian Pornography both of which have deeply scarred Mr. Bites.
Sincerely,
Jay Snap, Attorney at law
Snap, Crackle and Pop, Esq
171 West Krispie Avenue
Battle Creek, Michigan 49017
“Regarding hanging” & “drop the issue”? Sounds kind of messy to me. Not to mention a bit uncomfortable.
What are “whim-whams?”
Shame on you, pkbites. I hope the whim-whams discomfit you as much as you deserve.
Sr. Snap:
On behalf of my Canadian associate Mr. _Mcl, I would like to offer you partial recompense in literary form. You may find it here, if you click on the “don’t click on this link unless you’re over 18” link. I hope the blatant heterosexuality inherent in this gambol is sufficient to counteract any ill effects you may have suffered due to the actions of my esteemed associate.
[sub]Demonstration of said point, eh? What say, ye, matt? How about a crowd-pleaser?;)[/sub]
This thread is pretty far gone, but let me throw in here…
I don’t agree with Pkbites overall, but I think he has a point about how closed-mindedly open-minded this board can be. Somebody starting a thread bad-mouthing “the homosexual lifestyle” or “gay promiscuity” and “inability to commit” would get flamed all to hell for stereotyping, and yet our two most outspoken male homosexuals on the board do very little to combat the stereotype of sex-obsessed gay men with their constant flood of “I have sex with virtual strangers” drivebys. If you guys don’t want people stereotyping you, why are you living the stereotype?
Whim-whams are like heebie-jeebies, only more so.
Fenris, answer-man at large!
First off, I wouldn’t say that Esprix and matt (assuming those two are the ones you meant) are the two most outspoken gay men on the board… and secondly, I wouldn’t say they come anywhere NEAR a “constant flood” of that sort of thing. Hell, Esprix opened a thread a few weeks ago LAMENTING THE STATE OF HIS SEX LIFE!
Isn’t part of that stereotype being fabulously rich or something like that? Last I checked, neither Esprix nor matt made that claim.
And lastly, the fact that, for Esprix and matt, the way they live happens to coincide in many ways with the stereotypes doesn’t mean they can’t and shouldn’t be fighting the all-encompassing idea that “all gays act the same”. Hell, having met gobear, I can assure you they don’t!
[sub]I hope that made sense…I can never tell, this early in the morning.[/sub]
I am not living any stereotype. I live how I live, and any stereotypes that may exist are living up to me. It’s not my job to destroy stereotypes by implementing some other, supposedly better, stereotype in their place.
The point of gay liberation is not to prove that we’re all agreeable, non-threatening human beings. The point is to prove that we’re human beings, individuals, with our own dignity and desires, and to attain human rights for ourselves in the context of an ethic of freedom of consensual sexual choice.
We deserve human rights for being human, believe it or not, not for being monogamous, quiet, masculine, or for any other reason. That’s because some queers are not monogamous, quiet, or masculine (thpeaking!) and we happen to be humans too.
Freedom of sexual choice is not attained by having any group force some stereotype on us, either “gays are all promiscuous” or “gays are all monogamous.”
When someone says, “All gays are promiscuous,” I bristle at it for three reasons. One, it is false - not all gays are promiscuous. I am, but that’s not the point. Two, it is falsely implicatory - there are lots of straight people who are promiscuous, too.
But the third, and for me most important, is that it implies that promiscuity is not only wrong, but a good reason for denying gay people their human rights. Promiscuity is an individual sexual choice; when undertaken in a context of safety, sanity, and consensuality, it is no different and no less valid than any other sexual choice undertaken in the same context. (Read The Ethical Slut, by Easton and Liszt, for an excellent exposition of this.)
That is why I bristle at trying to slam gays by calling us promiscuous; it’s the same reason I bristle at slamming us by saying we’re all feminine, that lesbians are butch, etcetera. The response to these is, and what the fuck is wrong with that?
I can’t stand it when gay people try to pressure other gay people into giving up their freedom of consensual sexuality and gender expression supposedly in order to win, of all things, freedom of consensual sexuality and gender expression.
We’re supposed to be fighting here for nothing less than the liberation of sexuality, not just certain unthreatening gay people who, by chance or by choice, fit nicely into the easiest mold for homophobic people to accept. The rest of us should not put up with being left behind in the dirt. Our agenda should be determined by us, not by the very viewpoints we’re fighting against.
“You know the people I’m talking about, you see them at every pride rally, they get up on stage and go, ‘We’re just like everyone else! We are like them and they are like us. Straights are like us and we are like them! We - are like - EV - eryone - else!’ And then a seven-and-a-half-foot-tall drag queen walks by with three feet spangled platforms and he opens up his butterfly wings, f-f-f-f-f-f-f! Oh, we’re just like everyone else, all right! We have our own culture and our own way of doing things and we should celebrate that and stop licking straight ass!”
- Lea Delaria