Fuck You, Pothead neighbor.

Dear Spliffy McDoobie,

You moved in about a month ago and since then, day and night, my bedroom and living room have that skunk’s anal-sac reek that tells me that you’re a confirmed pothead.

The few conversations we’ve had confirm this. You’re incapacity to maintain a chat that goes past 45 seconds informs greatly.

I’ve got some large news for you, Hempie. This is the state of New York. It’s October of 2014. You have exactly zero right to be using illegal drugs in the building. I, on the other hand, have tremendous rights to NOT BE INHALING the incessant seep of pot smoke coming through the floor boards.

You need to indulge your infantile desire to exist in a permanent state of arrested development? Good. Go forth and be unproductive. Don’t fucking make my environment and life a dirtied adjunct to yours.

It’s a fucked-up selfish thing there, Jerry Garcia. The question is not when I dime you out. The question is to which agency I dime you out.

Fucking idiot pothead. You make me piss dirty because of the level of smoke seeping up into my apartment and endanger MY RIGHT to make a living, you cannot even imagine the level of shitstorm that will rain down upon your little numbed hipster cranium.

Dickweed.

Sincerely,
The Adult Upstairs

Tell that bitch to either smoke outside of the building or to crack a window and blow his smoke out of it. If he doesn’t comply call the cops on him.

Signed,
Respectful Potsmoker

On one hand, I certainly agree with your right to not have your apartment reek of someone else’s marijuana. But it speaks volumes of the crappy construction of your place if it is seeping through the floor.

On the other hand, I wouldn’t be so utterly terrified of being busted.

New York law;

Possession
Less than 25 g (first offense) not classified N/A 100 Less than 25 g (second offense) not classified N/A 200
Less than 25 g (third offense) not classified 15 days 250 25 g - 2 oz misdemeanor 3 mos 250
2 - 8 oz misdemeanor 1 year $ 250

So big deal. They have less than not-quite-an-ounce and they’ll pay a $100 civil fine. Other than NYC cops harassing black people and tricking them into open display so they can arrest them, most cops aren’t interested in wasting their time on such things.

You quoted New York law.

I’m not calling the precinct down the street.

Federal law enforcement agencies have an interest in drug dealers.

Boy, that would be totally cool, if you could, like, prove that you would test positive for Killer Weed due to transient fumes from a neighbor’s dwellings? That would be awesome!

Your piss is pure.

Seriously, I have known people who are tested periodically and live with a heavy smoking SO without ever having a problem.

Aww, shit,** kayaker**, what a down-head riff, dude! Fuckin’ facts!

I can hear the Feds now. “Hey, that crank that called last year about Nazis in Germany is on line one. Who wants it?”

What are you waiting for?

Since it looks like paying a fine might not be that big a deal to him (particularly if he’s stoned), is there anything in your lease which says, say, “no smoking”?

The smell of the stuff is why I am so reluctant to legalize it. IMHO, cigarettes smell like pumpkin spice compared to weed.

Good question. One I will raise with the landlady. The stock lease form used in many apartment buildings is frequently added to with a rider unique to that building.

Interesting article, kayaker, thank you for that.

Also, you smoke the shit and you forget your kids, so they drown in the bathtub! And don’t give me any of that “cite?” shit, I saw it on Dragnet!

REEFER MADNESS!!!

Loosen up daddy-O, don’t be such a square.

It may not be the floor. My downstairs neighbor smokes tobacco like a chimney, and the smell comes in if I open a window. It also comes through any electrical outlet and around the pipes. The cabinet under my bathroom sink smells like a family of tiny, chain-smoking trolls live there.

It’s truly disgusting.

Back when I was getting tested my guy was, let’s say, ‘cool’. He told me that I just have to get under the threshold and it’s a negative and went on to say 'so, let’s get a test, check your numbers and we’ll go from there. Let’s say you’re about three times higher than you need to be and you smoke 3 or 4 bowls a day, you just need to cut down to 1 a day and you’ll be fine, we just need to get you under the threshold and you’re done here". Interesting comments from an AODA counselor, but I think he knew my reasons for being there were BS. Anyways, that’s all to say that being able to smell pot smoke isn’t going to make you test positive.

Anyways, if he’s nice you might be able to ask him to open a window. If this is a duplex, he might be willing to put a fan in the back window (pulling air out) and crack the front window, it’ll clear his apartment out and he probably has no idea that all the smoke is going upstairs. If it’s a complex just let the apartment manager know and they’ll deal with it.
I’d hate to rat him out to the landlord in a duplex for doing something pretty harmless if you can just talk to him and get him to change his habits a bit so they don’t bother you as much (or at all), but if you don’t want to confront him, you’d just have to tip off the landlord so that he can make an unexpected visit.

Cartooniverse will never smoke weed with Willie…ever.

“I gave up whiskey for weed in 1975, may be the only really smart thing I ever did.”

  • Willy Nelson

That Willy?

Sure is.

Have you considered just talking to the guy about it?

Confront a reefer addict? Not without an army!