It’s not often you’ll find me ranting against charities, let alone telling them to get fucked. But yet, here we are…
All I want to do is give you my stuff. It’s not crap. It’s old, but it’s good quality stuff.
You want cash? I can understand that. But you also take STUFF that you can sell to get cash. Sometimes you just give that stuff to people in need. So my stuff has some intrinsic value. You even arrange for people to come out and take my stuff. That’s very good of you.
However, if I am not home, you will not take the stuff. I can’t leave a key for you, because apparently that’s against policy. OK, I understand, you don’t want your volunteers taking the wrong stuff and being accused of theft. But my old house is empty, except for the stuff. No, you say, we won’t do it. Fine. I can’t be in attendance, because I work fulltime, so I’ve organised for a friend to come by to my old house, to let you in so you can take the aforementioned stuff. But I don’t want my friend sitting there between 8am and 3pm. So I ask, would you mind calling her before you head out there, so she can come by to let you in? No, you can’t do that, can you. Your drivers don’t have mobile phones. Your drivers are accompanied by volunteers who also don’t have mobile phones. And your drivers don’t know what route they will take anyway, so they couldn’t even call from a landline at the depot before they start their run.
Do you actually WANT my stuff? Because you’re making it awfully damn difficult to give it to you!
My stuff is not crap. I want you to have it, because, hey, it’s charity and otherwise it will get thrown out. Here’s the stuff you’ll be missing out on:
A 3-piece lounge setting, including a three-seater couch, made of teak, and matching armchairs. The couch has some minor tears in the fabric. This, apparently, is just not good enough for you. Excuse me, you’re getting a thousand-dollar lounge setting for FREE! Hell, the needy families getting this could just put a damn sheet over it (that’s what I’ve been doing), and they’d STILL be better off than they were before. If you decided to sell it for a song, the people buying it could replace the covers and STILL be out less than a couple hundred bucks.
You won’t be getting any of my computer science textbooks either. Now, I know computer science textbooks “age” pretty quickly, however you have an annual bloody book sale wherein all SORTS of outdated computer books are snapped up!
You won’t be getting my ex’s perfectly-working, never-bloody-used walker/exercise machine either. All because you couldn’t be arsed coming to get the other stuff.
Not to mention the TV unit (also perfectly working, undamaged). Or the shelves. Or the undamaged, perfectly-working picture frames. And the candleabras and other knick-knacks. It all adds up, you bunch of donkeys, but unless I’m home to let you in (thereby taking time off from work), you don’t want it.
So fuck you.
Fuck all of you. I want to give to you guys. All you have to do is come over and TAKE IT. But oh, actually COORDINATING with anyone to make it happen is clearly beyond all of you.
So fuck you all. With a bargepole. Without lube.
I hope it hurts.