I think that this story is a useful development. It involves a voluntary code adopted by the media in the UK with regard to the depiction of all women as super slim bags of bones. It’s a step in the right direction I suppose.
Byz-I was thinking of posting something along those lines, but I didn’t want to be charged with beating a dead horse. (I remember the Serlin-infested thread you mentioned.) But I’m glad you posted that. And you were much more eloquent than I could have been.
I just want to add that when I was reading the first handful of posts to this thread, the “illness, disease” theme caught my eye. Being a heavy person myself (I hate my body and cannot accept it at all, however), I was thinking: Why is it when women have anorexia or bulimia, we feel sorry for them, but when we see a heavy person, people just think we’re pigs with no self-control?
[I just want to qualify the above statement by saying I have no animosity toward anorexic women. I, too, feel bad for them.]
dewaholic–
It’s because it’s so insidious.
You look at a person who’s skinny and tell them so and they don’t believe it. They have it in their head they look horrible. They don’t.
It’s a bitch knowing they look great but you can never tell them so.
Bye the way, day three and a message on the machine. How should I handle this?
You’re in a hard one, Cnote, no two ways around it. Your girlfriend has a disease, and it’s hell on both of you.
What I’m going to say may sound harsh, so a little background: I spent nearly a decade of my life trying to cope and hold things together with (and for) an alcholic. Hindsight being 20/20, I did everything wrong. To wit:
- by “being loyal”, I enabled him to keep drinking and get worse
- by “being supportive”, I let him avoid responsiblity for his own disease
- by “being strong”, I nearly destroyed myself, and allowed him to destroy himself.
It was hell, pure hell. I got so numbed and worn down, day by day, that after a while misery seemed normal. Nothing got better; it just got worse and worse, and nothing I could do stopped it. We are separated now, blissfully for me. He is unemployed and unemployable, and has serious and irreparable mental and physical damage.
Sad to say, that’s the key: there’s nothing you can do. It is her disease, and she will have to acknowledge it and confront it. You can’t make her well; she has to take the steps to recovery on her own. You can walk with her on that tough road, but you can’t carry her.
Reframe the problem: what would your reaction be if she had diabetes, or epilepsy, or a disease that even if not curable was eminently treatable–and she refused treatment?
I don’t know much about anorexia, but I do know that it IS at least treatable.
The situation is hideously painful, but passivity won’t help. I’m sorry, so very sorry to even have to offer this advice, but if she isn’t willing to confront her disease, then there’s no future anyway, for her, for you or both of you together.
Just my opinion; I’d strong suggest getting some expert advice from a qualified professional.
Wishing you both all the best possible,
Veb
Chris–
You may think that her ranting about herself is driving you insane, and that it’s insane for her to believe that she’s fat when she’s anything but. Let me tell you a story
When I was 14, I was informed by my parents that I was “too fat” and that I made my family “look bad”… “people will think we have no discipline”, etc. So what did I do? I ate… and then made it all come back up later.
When I was 15, I stopped going out with my friends… I thought they would never want to be seen with a whale like me. I was carrying 85 pounds on a 4’10" frame.
When I was 16, I tried to slash my wrists. I thought that someone as horribly ugly and fat like me didn’t deserve to live. I had 70 pounds on my still 4’ 10" frame.
What finally helped? Waking up one day in my hospital bed and finding all my friends from school there. Remember that. Just stay with her, and comfort her, no matter how hard it gets for both of you. She’ll come around eventually… just be sure that she doesn’t start withdrawing from you and everyone else all of a sudden… that’s the real danger sign