fucking amateurs

The BBQ Pit
1

due to the dearth of work available to me I have taken to processing other people’s photo jobs…specifically wedding photos. this wouldn’t be bad, except for one thing: the only people shooting weddings these days have no fucking clue as to what the fuck they are doing. Christ help me and preserve me through this recession. some simple rules for anyone thinking of embarking on a career in the exciting world of wedding photography:

  1. if you dont have time to process the job, you might want to consider NOT DOING THE FUCKING JOB,

  2. if you have enough work to where you need to subcontract processing…learn how to work your goddamn camera…PLEASE. It is so much easier to fix your fuck ups if you actualy know what you’re doing. that way I only have to worry about where you were shooting being fucked up. I don’t want to fix your fuck ups as well as the environment’s fucked up situation,

  3. if you want your photos finished by Wednesday…don’t give them to me on Tuesday,

  4. if you are using more than one flash, make sure the off camera flashes aren’t in the FUCKING PICTURE.

that is all.

2

Folks actually sub-contract this work out?

I could see it being a frustrating pain in the ass at times, but it also seems an easy way to turn a quick buck if you’ve got some skills.

How much do you get for a typical job?
mmm

3

My friend brought in her daughter’s wedding photographs, and I was appalled at how terrible they were. I’m a complete amateur and even I know not to have the bridal party pose in front of a wall displaying a life-sized painting of Jesus. Let’s see, there’s Christy, Melanie, Jesus Christ, Maria…

He framed some so poorly that he cut off half of one bridesmaid but captured the ceiling-mounted light fixture. (Hey! How about investing in a wide-angle lens?)

He’d captured lots of candid shots of the crowd dancing (and who doesn’t like to be memorialized in your niece’s wedding album as you’re shaking your groove thing?) but completely missed the father-daughter dance. Oops.

The lighting was all wrong, the framing was all wrong, he missed key moments… and this from a professional photographer who specialized in weddings. Oy vey.

4

I thought the whole series was great, but Fucking Amateurs 4 really had some terrible looking people in it. I mean really, the whole mullet thing went out in the 90’s, update people! Update!

5

So that you could have gotten the job instead, right?
How are you promoting yourself? Are your rates competitive? How does this no-talent fuck-up get jobs when you can’t? Do something about it instead of just bitching.

And if he decides NOT TO DO THE FUCKING JOB, but it still goes to somebody other than you, guess what – you don’t even have the processing work. So be careful what you wish for.

6

“Okay, say cheeeeese… beautiful!”

“Wait, I wasn’t even looking! You got the back of my head!”

“Don’t worry, we’ll fix it in post.”

7

What the hell? Why do people do this? The OP said nothing about wanting the job for himself. Why the hell convert it to saying something that you find offensive. Do you just enjoy picking on people?

Because it gets really sad when, in order to make fun of someone, you have to make up crap that they didn’t say.

And please stop telling people in the pit that they shouldn’t rant and should just fix it. THE PIT IS FOR RANTS! That’s it’s purpose. Of course the person is doing what they can about it. This is a place to get rid of irrational anger so you can deal with the problem. It’s not an advice forum.