Fucking cunt, YOU left him, why are you coming back?

The BBQ Pit
1

You left him over a year ago, you filed for divorce. You supposedly were pregnant when you left and no mention was made of any children in the settlement, so you have kept him in the dark about whether or not there actually was a child and made him wonder if he was missing out on his sons/daughters early life.

Last we had heard you were living at home with mommy and daddy again and were pregnant. A lot longer than 9 months after you left him so this obviously is not his child. So you’d better not be coming around with a child less than 6/7 or so months old and trying to pass it off as his.

Why do you have to come crawling back you stupid bitch? He’s finally starting to get back on his feet after you left him. You hurt him so badly he started in a downward spiral and is only just now starting to pull out of it. Where were you when he was living the high life, partying his ass off and drinking and hanging out with lots of girls while he tried to forget you? Safe and sound at your mommy’s house. The same bitch who hated him from the beginning and made his life a living hell. He stood by you he took his vows seriously. You were in the hospital for a long time and when he wasn’t working he was by your side. He took you home and took care of you there. He quit the army for you. His lifeblood. He still talks about getting back in somehow, once he’s paid off the debts he owes.

You took all he ever did for you, slapped him in the face and went home to mommy. And last night you called him again. Not to tell him that yes, the papers had gone through, that you are no longer married. But that you wanted to see him. If you wanted to see him so badly why didn’t you call earlier? Life before you sent the papers? Before I came into his life and fell in love with him.

Oh yes, maybe I’m biased. He probably has no clue how I feel about him, but I am patient. I wanted to wait while he got over you. To wait until he was ready for another relationship and wouldn’t run for fear of being hurt again. I have been his friend. I have hung out with him. I have gone drinking with him. I have shared hangovers with him. I’ve even held his head while he puked on the front lawn and cried, CRIED over you. At least a year and a half later, after you left.

Even if he cares nothing for me how I care for him I’d rather see you rot in hell than have him back and someone else with him. You hurt him so deeply that he tries to act like a chauvinistic ass but if you know him you can see past that to the true gentleman he really is. If he treated you halfway as well as he treats me, and I am just his friend then you don’t deserve to come crawling back to him. He deserves better than you, hell half the time I think he deserves better than me.

But don’t you come fucking crawling back into his life and hurting him again. You already messed him up enough for one lifetime, you don’t need to try for two you fucking idiotic cunt. Go mess up some other guys life if you’re that desperate for a father for a child. Just don’t come fucking up his life again.

2

By the sounds of it, you’re in a situation that is going to get even more emotionally fraught for all concerned, Obsidian Flutterby. I can see you love this man – take good care of yourself, okay?

3

yeah…what Ice Wolf said.

4

I’ll try… but lately everything seems to be a pile on. I’ve lost my job, have no income or money, am quitting smoking because well I can’t afford to buy any ( 28 hours and 42 minutes down) and my body is messing with me (going to the doctors tomorrow). And now I find out about this.

I care for him tons, and even if he doesn’t end up with me I seriously don’t think he should go back to her. She’s already taken off to mommy when things got too tough for her, even though he stood by her. Did stuff that he really didn’t want to give up but did for her sake (ie getting out of the army). She tossed all that away and I see how much she hurt him and it tears me up to think he might go back because he still loves her.

Hell lately I feel like crawling home to mommy but that’s a last resort for me.

5

I think you are justifiably concerned for this man, Obsidian Flutterby. I hope his eyes do open some day, and he discovers you’ve been there all along for him through this. From what you’ve told us, there’s a bit of a manipulation game going on, coming from his separated still-spouse.

But, you’re more than normally vulnerable right now, with all the crap happening to you. I still advise that you take care of yourself, just as much as you care for this fella you adore so much.

Best of luck with the no-smoking, may things go okay with the doctor tomorrow, and I do hope you get another job soon.

And I hope, as I said at the begining, that this man you love one day soon opens his eyes, turns around, and sees you there. And realises you’re the best for him. You deserve th’ very best in life, Obsidian Flutterby. My thoughts are with you.

6

Thanks Ice Wolf… always good to know someone thinks of me, even when I’m going totally nuts.

7

You’re welcome, love. In that latter regard, th’ “goin’ nuts” department – I’m a fellow traveller. :slight_smile:

8

** Obsidian Flutterby ** , I know what it is to watch someone you care for a great deal get hurt. I know the anger that comes with having to watch that person’s love being stomped on.
However at the end of the day it is his call. If he takes her back all you can do is be his friend and support him. ( I know all too well that the thought is probably enough to make you want to to shake him and ask him if he"s lost his mind.)

Hopefully he will ask for a DNA test if the numbers on the pregnancy don’t add up. If they don’t and they are married, he could regret it later if they do get back together.

Hang in there with not smoking thing, my Mom is in her third week without it after 40 some odd years of at least a pack a day.

9

My SIL, “Mary,” was in a similar situation a few years ago except her new boyfriend, “John,” already had 3 kids with his wife of 10 years, “Stella.” Stella leaves John and their 3 kids for a man she met on the internet. John, broken-hearted and devastated divorces her and tries to go on without her for the sake of his 3 kids. A few months later meets Mary.

They date. She falls in love with him. Loves his kids. Looking like it’s headed for the alter when Stella calls out of the blue and wants to meet for dinner “just to talk.” A few months later, John confesses to Mary that he’s been seeing Stella again and he breaks Mary’s heart to say he’s getting back together with his ex-wife for the sake of the kids. Mary is now left broken-hearted.

Fast forward a year. John calls Mary, who is slowly putting her life back together, and says that he was an idiot for breaking up with her. He is leaving Stella because without his blinders on, he is seeing her for who she is – a self-centered, manipulative bitch. He cannot trust her, he doesn’t love her anymore, and frankly, doesn’t even like her much anymore.

Mary and John have been married for 1 1/2 years now and are expecting a child of their own.

Happy ending? Somewhat. Turns out marriage as a 2nd wife and step-mother is a lot harder than Mary expected. She loves John and his kids but ex-wife is making their lives a living hell. Stella and John are now raising the 3 kids because Stella gave them up after losing her new boyfriend (her meal ticket and shelter). She is now re-married and has discovered she likes being a weekend only mom. She pays $80 a month in child support and John and Mary get to do all the hard work of raising a child: the homework, the discipline, the running to basketball practice, scheduling hair cuts, buying clothes, etc., while Stella gets to be the “fun mom.” Every weekend she gets them and they are thrilled to see her. She takes them out to the movies or to fun places and buys them Happy Meals – all the things that they have no time or money for during their “real” life with John and Mary.

And then they cry and complain when they have to go back to John and Mary. The youngest, 7, has told Mary that he’s not doing ANYTHING around the house to help because she NEVER takes him out to the zoo or to get Happy Meals.

So there’s a LOT of conflict still and there have been too many tears and fights over the ex and the children than you can imagine.

So be warned. You love this guy. Know that he has a self-centered, manipulative ex-wife and, more significantly, a child with this woman. That means (if all works out with you and him), “fucking cunt” is not going away. She and this child WILL be a part of your life for the next 18 years.

10

Thanks people…

Actually PunditLisa I can certainly see parallels here. Thing is, we don’t even now for certain that she has a child. This is all through the grapevine and he remembers that she was pregnant when she left him, but nothing was ever mentioned of there being a child to him. So for all he knows there is no child at all, or he’s missed out on the first half year or so of his child’s life. (I’m pretty sure they’ve been seperated for almost 2 years).

And the other thing is. he doesn’t really know how I feel. Oh I think he has an idea about it but we’ve mainly just been friends. We haven’t actually dated or anything like that. I haven’t told him because I can see that he’s not really ready for a relationship yet. He’s not totally over her. I don’t want to scare him off of even being my friend because I have other feelings, but even as a friend I can see how this could be bad.

If she does have a child by him, and if him and I do get together. I’ll deal. I’m certain I can, just right now on top of my stress I can feel the first tentative twist of my heart about to be crushed. Perhaps not permanently, but definate heartache for both of us on the horizon.

11

Irony meter beeping here. Sounds like something a guy would say, and be smacked right down.

The ex is home with mom and he’s partying “to forget her” and we’re supposed to feel sorry for the guy?

I have no problem with the rest of the original OP, sounds like a sad situation, but this part just struck me funny.

12

Wasn’t really partying… more like drowning his sorrows in a pitcher of beer. Of course it didn’t help much considering I was the one who held him while he was drunk and crying over her.

I too can see the irony of it though. Thing is, he was faithful for the duration of their marriage (this coming not solely from him but from other trustworthy sources) and when she left he tried to act like those guys who party every night, have a different girl everyday as if he could make things better that way. He doesn’t party so much now, like I said he’s finally starting to get himself back together. Now if he parties it’s with the guys or a few of us hanging out at karaoke.

13

Obsidian Flutterby, you’ve got my sympathies. Hang in there, lady. Friendships do turn into great romances. I know because I’ve done it. In my case, it didn’t turn into marriage, but it left me with a lot of great memories. I also know what it’s like to be out of a job – I got laid off 5 months ago, although I’m finally starting to get some temp work.

Take care,
CJ

14

Obsidian Flutterby, keep in mind, there are 2 sides to EVERY story. I reckon you’ve ony heard his.
And… let her do whatever she wants. Don’t be mad at her. Let her waste her time trying to woo him back. Let her make a fool of herself. You should care NOT what she does to him (unless its physical torture). He, is a grown man, I assume… and if he is naive enough to fall back into her arms… SO BE IT. Why would you want a not-so-lucid man, anyways?

So… don’t waste a moments time thinking about HER. she is allowed to make a fool of herself. so let her. the key is seeing if he is willing to put up with her again. if so, then he gets what he deserves and you should mooooooooove on.

15

best wishes to you, and good luck with the cigarettes.

It gets easier, stick with it.

16

He doesn’t know if he has a child? He remembers she was pregnant when she left? Obsidian (LKH fan?), it would bother me a great deal if my new love could potentially have a CHILD and he has done nothing to confirm or deny its presence!

Having a child, no matter what the relationship he has with his ex, is a HUGE thing. And he has to do what is right by his (potential) child.

Please, urge him to find out the truth so that he can make some really important decisions about his life. Decisions which will ultimately affect you.

Good luck to both of you. Or to the 3 of you, as the case may be.

17

Lisa,

Any contact before now has been through the lawyers. He has had his lawyer ask if there was a child but there has been no answer on this. And anytime he attempted to contact her directly he got his ex-MIL who just bitched him out and hung up on him. He also cannot afford to pay for a private investigator to find out for him. Half the time when he talks about this to me he mentions that he wonders if there was a child and that he wants to know. He has tried to ask her before if there was, and he wants to be a good father if he is.

Mith,

I realize I have only heard her side of the story. I’m calmer now then when I wrote that above, I was just pissed off. I have all this stress already and then the night I wrote that I discover (By his telling me) that his ex had called and she wants to see him. My question is why? She left him, she filed for divorce. She didn’t want anything according to the lawyers. She just wanted to be left alone and have nothing to do with him. So why now, almost 2 years later? When he is finally starting to recover from the emotional beating he took. If there is a child and she wants to tell him, why didn’t she say anything awhile ago? He’s the one who wanted the child in the first place. As far as I can tell there was no animosity during the divorce. Simply that he came home one day from work, she was gone with what she wanted which was about her clothes and that’s it. She gave no indication she was leaving to him (unless they were subtle and we all know about men and subtle).

If she does have a child, and claims it is his. I am going to be very suspicious because nothing was mentioned of them during the divorce, and that’s usually a good time to bring up such stuff as child support and visitations.