Sorry to disappoint, but this is neither an instruction manual nor is it a pseudo-Penthouse Letter. Rather, it is my first rant about the venerable institution that brought us such female leaders as First Lady Laura Bush, former First Lady Rosalyn Carter, Elizabeth Dole and Carol Moseley-Braun.
How could I attack such an institution? Let me ponder that question while I’m magically compelled to cram yet another God-Damned Thin Mint cookie down my gullet. The worst part of my binge is that as the marginal utility of each successive Thin Mint decreases, it somehow triggers a chemical reaction in my brain, making me want two more Thin Mint cookies. I swear to God, these prepubescent Pollyannas and their crack-esque cookie confections will give me a myocardial infarction.
I’m glad that selling these cookies door-to-door is such a character building experience for these girls. Let it never be said that they didn’t build character when accidentally slapped off of the porch by my distended belly. They have their cookies to thank for that… Well, at least during my extra 30 minutes on the treadmill tonight, I can be comforted by the hopes of some Boy Scouts earning a few merit badges at summer camp this year.
Fucking tweenage twats!
(As the parent of a (hopefully) future Girl Scout, please realize that this post was not authored to denigrate our young girls or the GSofA. It was merely an attempt to blame someone else for my own gluttony. Hey, it seems to be the American-Way nowadays!)
Mmm…girl scout cookies. I love them too. Next week’s spring break for my university and I finally get to go home and eat the girl scout cookies stored in the cabinet. Yaay for home! Yay for neighborhood girl scouts! Yay for hyper metabolism!
I’m planning to start buying Girl Scout cookies again as soon as the Girl Scouts start baking them again (instead of contracting the job out to some mega-corporation).
Was talking about GS cookies the other day and theorized that Thin Mints must have cocaine in them because they are so freaking addictive. Basically one sleeve = one serving because I can’t stop eating them until they’re gone. ARRRRGH!
It’s so bad that I took my last box (1 of 3) into work and gave it to a co-worker with instructions to only allow me to have 3 per day. She didn’t even ask why. She knew.
You know what I hate about Girl Scouts and their goddamned cookies? Huh, do you?
I HATE THAT ONCE AGAIN THIS YEAR I AM HEARING ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE BINGING ON MUTHA-CLUCKING GIRL SCOUT COOKIES AND I HAVE YET, FOR THE 2ND FUCKING YEAR IN A ROW, TO SEE A SINGLE GOD DAMN GIRL SCOUT OR HER FUCKING COOKIES AAAAAARRRRGGGHHHH DAMN IT TO HELL I WANT TO BUY ME SOME DAMN THIN MINTS AND DO-SI-DOES AND GORGE, PURGE, AND GORGE SOME MORE!!! ahem
Email me. It seems my wife over ordered and I’ve got a couple cases of assorted cookies(I know I have some Thin Mints, two or three boxes at least). I’d have to check and see but I’m almost positive I could hook you up. It seems a relative who was trying to help us sell them took orders from some not-too reliable people who have now(now that we’ve actually ordered and paid for them) decided to back out on their orders. Now I’ve gotta move them if I can.
I’m just pissed that my friend’s daughter, who I have bought cookies from since she was seven or eight, is now too “grown up” to remain in the GS. Or thinks she is.
I don’t even know any other little girls in the GS, so that means I don’t get my fix this year! I am partial to the peanut butter ones and the trefoils. (Trefoils dipped in coffee…mmmmmmmm…)
Oh and I despise thin mints. If I want to taste anything minty, I’ll go chow down on a tube of Crest.
The last sentence of my post (“Fucking tweenage twats!”) was just relective of my general contempt of the Girl Scouts, and not a direct suggestion as to how a Boy Scout could earn a merit badge.
Personally, I’m saddened by my lack of Thin Mints this year. I haven’t seen any girls going door-to-door, The Cody didn’t have anyone try to sell him some at work, I haven’t seen them outside stores, NOTHING.
I love Thin Mints. Love them. And yet I get none. Damnit.
One of the unstated benefits of teaching Sunday School - I don’t have to hunt down the evil cookie sellers. I see them every week.
Sadly, one of my suppliers didn’t come through. So I’ve only had 4 boxes this year. (And by “had” I do not mean “bought” I mean “ate”) They never come to my apartment (understandable) and I almost never see them anywhere else.
I need another box or two of thin mints…and trefoils. I love trefoils.
My only rule is that I only buy from current scouts. Not their parent(s).
Funny, this is one of those words that I always read incorrectly. The first thought through my head is always the language native to the Philippines with incorrectly placed dashes.
Those little green-vested sirens set up every year outside the grocery store I work in. For a month and a half, every time I go in to work or on break, I have to see them peddling their addictive wares to all and sundry. After I cover my ears and negotiate through their bedeviled gauntlet, I have to see my customers carrying bags and bags of cookies around the store while they shop. Worst of all, I’m on Atkins. I haven’t had any cravings for anything since I started, but the soothing purple boxes of Samoas beckon me constantly to break my diet. I am counting the days, waiting for those little enablers and their parents to break camp and get the hell out.
Girl Scouts are the devil Incarnate! One such minion came to the door three times (I wasn’t home) until I caved in and bought her cookies.
And I paid, oh yes I did! Paid for the privledge of having 17, yes bretheren, 17 boxes of GS cookies in my house, knowing that I still have 3 or 4 boxes hidden away in the freezer from last year.
And the horror doesn’t end there! The first box of Samoas was opened and I immediately set out looking for more cookies to buy, fearing I would run out.
