To my company’s IT department:
Fuck you very much for taking down the Dope and leaving it down. And when I try to pull it up, just to see if some mistake has been made, fuck you very much for making a page come up that shows an unhappy felon - complete with black-striped prison uniform - behind bars. The stated reason is that this message board is “entertainment.” Dammit, don’t they realize that this is LIFE?!?
PS Thank you for letting me still be able to read the Onion, but fuck you for taking down the AV Club for the same reasons as stated above.
About bags of fecal material:
Some dog owners carry a couple of bags, and will leave full ones by the side of the path (no, not in the parking lot; that’s weird) to pick up on the way back. They are not abandoned.
However, if you are going to take you dog on a run with you, running does not absolve you of the responsibility of cleaning up. I hate holier-than-thou runners who drag their poor dogs behind them on leash, while the dogs are shitting down the middle of the path!
No, the virtue of getting exercise does not outweigh the evil of leaving dog shit in the middle of the path, or of torturing your dog like that.
I know it’s Sunday, but before you call the nice Customer Service lady, would it be too much trouble to PUT YOUR TEETH IN? You sound like a bad imitation of Mel Blanc.
We frequently get bags of dogshit in our back alley or at the back of our yard. Those dog owners aren’t coming back for them - they put the shit in the bags, and leave them. Thanks for virtually nothing, you losers. At least I have a bag to pick up your dog’s shit with now.
Mexican restaurant that I booked our ethnic dinner at last night, what the hell happened? I booked for 14 people a week in advance, because I know that’s a large group. I gave you my name and phone number and you promised to call if there were any problems with it. I bumped it up to 16 on Wednesday due to last minute RSVPs - again, made sure there were no problems with this. When we get there at the appointed time for our reservation, you tell me that we only made a reservation for 11, and you left four messages on my home number telling me that we’d have to have all the extra diners wait until tables became available. You “accommodated” us by moving other diners off of their tables and adding those tables to our large group table.
Thanks for 1) making me look like an incompetent when I had done everything in my power to book a nice dinner out for a large group (except call the day of to confirm - I mistakenly assumed you could figure out how to work a phone)
and 2) chasing other people off their tables, interrupting their nice dinners out and probably not impressing the hell out of them, either.
Oh, a little side “screw you” to the group member who took it upon himself to get separate bills for each couple after I had already asked about it and been told no. You want this job, you take it.
Dude who bought my car:
You were supposed to be here last night at six. You did not show up. You then said you would be here today at eight in the morning. You did not show up. You finally dragged your flatbed up here at nine in the morning. Do not cop an attitude with me because my roommate had parked his car in the driveway. I had to wake him up. He had to drag his ass out of bed and get dressed to go move his car. Also do not give me attitude when I ask if you can come back later on so we can deal with this when we’re all awake. You bought the damn car. You have the title. Get it off my property now before I release the hounds.
Do people really do that? That’s disgusting! The thought of somebody dragging me while I’m trying to take a shit . . . the hell with that pack leader stuff, if I were a dog and my owner were doing that, my owner would be my next meal! Then I could shit my owner and see how he likes it.
Oh, the problem is your refrigerator is level, and the BF grew up with one tilted back. He really does think he’s pushing the door enough to close it.
There should be two little feet at the front of the machine; turn them just enough for the door to swing shut.
And, yes, Freddy, there are people who do that. And I have seen them glance back to see why the dog is stalling, and jerk the lease. They do and they know they’re doing it.
Because they know they are exercising, and being healthy, they are doing right and can do not wrong.
Wile E,
Please restore my faith in humanity.
Adjust the refrigerator as per j666’s suggestion and I can forget the whole thing.
Mongo
Dear Roommates,
It is not okay to eat my food without asking me. Seriously, I leave plenty of baked goodies for you that I specifically tell you that you’re welcome to; eating the stuff I was planning to eat for dinner instead is not okay.
Also, the walls in our apartment are very, very thin. When you know I’m trying to sleep or study, it’s really not okay to be screaming and yelling about Project Runway on the TV. Or at each other.
Dear Body,
You need to stop waking up at 7:30. My alarm isn’t set until 8 or 9, depending on the day, and that extra little bit of sleep really does matter.
Also, stop getting urinary tract infections. This is getting really annoying.
Thanks!
Monica
Never mind, Elaine and Matt found the missing money-it was in the safe. D’oh.
But let’s see, yesterday while leaving the house, I slipped and fell on my ass going down the front steps-now I’m all bruised and sore. And I have yet ANOTHER bruise (this one on my leg) that I have no idea where it came from. Why does that always happen to me?
Dear Fellow Movie-goers;
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You and I have been waiting in the SAME concession line for the past 10 minutes. Surely you can make up your FUCKING mind about whether to get nachos, pretzels or popcorn in 10 minutes.
-
I know, the movie can get a little confusing, and I know some parts are really, really funny, but please, and for the benefit of the rest of the theater, SHUT THE FUCK UP! Talking to the screen just makes you sound stupid, and makes me want to taze you.
I was going to Pit my neighbors because their beepbeepbeep alarm is so loud it wakes me up (and they’re not quick about shutting it off), but then I’d turned my alarm off this morning to indulge myself by sleeping in, and their’s conveniently went off right when I needed to get up.
(Can I still be full of righteous fury on principle?)
I’ll double pit my neighbors and landlord.
Neighbors- I know that you are both smokers. I realize that you also partake in a bit of the Mary Jane. However, I don’t want the smell of either in my apt. I realize that it’s your apt. and you can smoke but I have the RIGHT (legally) not to have that shit wafting in my apt.! Come on, every fucking night?
And spraying air freshener only covers it up you moron, it does NOT take away the actually secondhand smoke I’m inhaling.
Landlord-- Look asswipe, I tried to be nice and pleasant while complaining about the above. I even offered suggestions on how to insulate the spots where I know the smoke is coming in. Do not fucking tell me that there is NOTHING you can do. I am prepared with documents and will not let the matter drop. Do something!
I need three sets of fingerprints so I can work. This is not optional. I need to go through yet another background check by yet another agency, and fingerprints are part of that check.
Theoretically, I’m supposed to be able to go to any law-enforcement agency and they’re supposed to be able to fingerprint me. Except that there is one and only one person at my local police who can do this, and s/he has been off for the holiday. And Presidents’ Day notwithstanding, this person only does fingerprinting during certain hours, and even then, I have to call ahead so this person has a heads-up that I’m coming in. No appointment, nothing.
I called the State Police barracks and was told that they don’t have jurisdiction(!); that I’d have to have this done by the borough police. The county Sheriff’s Department was closed for the holiday, as well.
It’s not like I’ve been sitting on it for two weeks and am only now getting around to it. I’ve only had the cards since Thursday afternoon.
There are a couple of ironies here. The first is that the police always have Officer McFriendly around to take kids’ fingerprints at the local mall. The second is that I need these fingerprints so I can work to pay taxes so I can pay these bozos’ salaries.
I am mildly annoyed.
Robin
To all the religious proselytizers who, as of late, seem to come to my door just about every friggin’ Saturday:
I don’t know which of you to blame, but I am collectively blaming all of you for the fact that I missed the delivery of an important package that I have been waiting for. It was last Saturday morning when the doorbell rang at about 11:00 AM. Over the past several years I have lived here, my experience has proven that 99% of the time my doorbell rings on a Saturday morning it’s one of you guys out peddling religious literature (which makes a nice liner for my cat box, thank you) and “sharing your message”. Aside from the fact that I am not showered or wearing a decent shirt when you show up, I have a lot better more fulfilling and satisfying or at least productive and worthwhile things to do than to stand at my door and listen to your evangelical spiel.
Ergo, I have decided to ignore anyone who rings my doorbell on a Saturday morning. If it’s someone who wants to see me for real they’ll ring again or perhaps knock the second time, but lately the presence of someone other than some minion in some church’s God Squad darkening my doorstep on Saturday morning has become sufficiently rare such that I feel need to have my morning routine neeedlessly interrupted.
So imagine my annoyance when, upon going out later in the day to see that the United States Postal Service has left me an orange card instructing me to pick up a package at the post office, the package I could have had in my hands at long last on Saturday had I been able to determine without showing my presence that the person at the door was not someone who wants me to join their church.
Thanks to the fact that this incident just happened to occur on President’s Day weekend, with the post office being closed today I have to wait an extra day to get my long-awaited package… sigh.
Apparently religious zeal causes either causes blindness or selective illiteracy (they can read the Bible and all their pamphlets and other ecclesiastical drivel) as they clearly seem to pay no heed to the prominent NO SOLICITORS sign at the entrance to the townhouse complex I live in, which explicitly states that this includes religious peddlers. :rolleyes:
I take it all back, IT. Apparently the Dope itself is verboten, but the SDMB is still readable. Please let me buy you a drink to make it up to you.
I have learned on another website that this:
{posted in the guise of a New Year’s resolution}
isn’t hate speech because
and
Duly noted: if I want to be prejudiced and hateful to someone, make it Muslims; that’s okay because all US Americans hate them.
(The first quote was from a member; the second and third quotes are from a moderator of the board in question.)
Jesus, that makes me sick to my stomach.
Last night I started hearing a faint beep every 30 seconds or so. It wasn’t coming from inside my condo, but from the one below. It’s almost certainly a low battery warning from a smoke detector.
The people who own that unit moved out a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t seen any sign of new owners/residents, and I don’t have any way to contact the previous owners. Even if I did, I doubt there’d be a simple way to get into the place.
So I get to hear this faint beep for however long it takes for someone new to arrive or the battery to die. EVERY 30 FUCKING SECONDS! It could be days, it could be months. It’s not really loud, it didn’t keep me awake last night, but I still hear it, and it’s FUCKING ANNOYING.
Oh, BTW, I work from home and spend 20-24 hours of every day inside my house. So it’s not like I can forget about it while I’m at work.
featherlou, clearly the acceptable response in that case is to express your opinion of hate-spewing racists.