Oh, for the love of god - I’m looking at the updated forecast, and we’re heading for overnight lows of -37ºC tonight and tomorrow morning. That’s just…too freakin’ cold.
I certainly hope you called his employer, as I’m sure the phone number was prominently displayed on the van.
I didn’t want to drop back to get the number from the back of the van once I had left him behind. Damn hindsight. (no pun intended)
The desktop support guy in my office is very helpful and has saved me a number of times and I am grateful that he is around.
But I wish he didn’t reek of tobacco smoke so badly that it makes my office stink for a week every time he comes around.
Just sayin, is all.
LEARN A NEW FUCKING SONG!!!
Jesus Christ, he’s been playing Fur Elise for a good TWO FUCKING HOURS NOW on the community piano in the lobby!
Hello Mr. Dumbass Road-rage–
You do not need to ride our ass with your truck and honk impatiently.
You certainly do not need to swerve violently and race around us at ever increasing speeds.
You definitely do not need to fail your arms wildly outside your vehicle at us after we kindly gesture to the number of flashing yellow signs which indicate…
THAT IT’S A FUCKING SCHOOL ZONE!!!
Go eat a bag of dicks and die, before you kill someone’s child. :mad:
What can I say, I’m just that nice 
Dude, control your kid. Do not let him run all over Wendys tying the balloons on the backs of the chairs together and blocking the way for everyone else. If I had a dart gun, there would be some popped balloons and a very upset child. And I would be happy.
Wendys, why do you have balloons tied to the backs of the chairs? That’s just asking for trouble.
Almost without exception, the people who tailgate me relentlessly through school and playground zones are people in mini-vans - soccer mom mobiles. I will never, ever understand people.
To the two nurses at Hospice today:
If you do not know how to properly use a patient lift, get someone who knows. You are very damned lucky I was in the room when you dropped my cousin today - if I had not caught that lift when you turned the fucking thing over with my cousin in it, it would have hit her in the head. There was no fucking need to raise her so high to begin with. Even though she only fell a few feet into her wheelchair, I am sure it was not good for someone with spinal tumors to be jolted around like that.
And Nurse #2 - you had better thank your lucky stars you had the second thought to turn around and apologize to her. If you had not, I would be more irate than I already am.
And you two fuckfaces at the nursing station: you could have at least asked my cousin if she was ok - ya know, maybe show a little concern? I have heard so many stories about how wonderful Hospice House is - I sure didn’t see it today. The floor in my cousin’s room was filthy. I guess if they spill urine changing the collection bag they just leave it to dry - and I don’t want to know what some of those other spots were. It was nasty.
And what kind of care facility doesn’t have fucking ginger ale?
Yes, my husband is in law school.
Yes, he works for a Superior Court Judge.
No, I cannot ask him to ask the judge to take it easy on your buddy who is facing a felony conviction. Tell your buddy the way to stay out of state prison is to stop assaulting people.
Now please FOAD KTHXBYE.
Hey local school,
Not everyone around here is a stay at home mome with two cars and no job. Some of us actually need two parents working to pay the premium for a good school district. If you’re going to schedule a month long summer session for kindergarteners to get acquainted with school how about providing transportation to the school?
I pay enough in taxes to fund it. Not nice, guys.
Dear Channel 9 News desk,
Just because some hicks think it’s amaaazing to see a steer running around loose in the 'burbs, it is not a “Top News Story.” Granted, it’s not something you see everyday, but you’d think you could have something a bit more newsworthy like, I don’t know, the Economic Recovery Plan approved by the House today. People probably ought to know what their government is doing, don’t ya think? Of course, it’s a bit on the dry side when you contrast it with a woman excitably jumping up and down because now she’s seen a real, live cow on the loose and can die fulfilled of all her dreams.
It’s no wonder I’ve stopped watching your idiot broadcasts when you tell me that if the power company manages to raise their rates, the costs that are now $6 will triple to $15. I’ll be gentle and suggest you check your math. I can’t even remember what costs you were referring to because I was waiting with bated breath for you to follow up with “I am NOT smarter than a fifth grader.”
I guess I’m supposed to wish you, our favorite blonde bimbo anchorette with the distracting iridescent lipstick, a happy birthday. You may be getting older, but you’re not getting any smarter. Your birthday photo montage was telling, but not touching. While you’re baby picture was cute, I admit. You didn’t look all that embarrassed, though, that your producers and co-anchor conspired to display the 80s humiliation pic, admitting to using an entire can of Aqua Net on your teased-into-next-week 'do. I’d be lynching people, but you were all smiles, apparently enjoying attention. That only reinforces the opinion that I’ve had from the first day your lipstick and spray-on tan made me nauseous. You are not only painfully stupid, you are a narcissist. And Your Vapidness should be hosting beauty pageants, not the network news.
I hate this town and I hate the local news.
Unable to edit but:
It’s not Channel 9 (though I despise you people as well), it’s Fox19. And that explains it all.
Look at your cars, people. If you look on the steering column you’ll see a rod sticking out of it. this rod is used to control a number of useful features, often including your high beams, your windshield washers, but the original purpose of this rod is much simpler: It’s the device you use to control your turn signals.
That’s right! You have the ability to tell people what the pluperfect Hell you plan to do in the immediate future, so that the through such communication you can cooperatively avoid trying physics experiments where it is proven again that no matter how much empty space there might be in atoms and molecules, two object cannot occupy the same space at the same time.
Of course, I understand, times are tough. Your Lexus may well have been a dealer vehicle, with dinged or broken parts. And so you couldn’t afford to get a working turn signal installed. I know you hope to fix it soon, but if you can’t use the car’s signals, it’s still possible to use the codified manual turn signals that you had to prove knowledge of when you got your license. In the meantime, here’s a quarter for your turn signal fund, since money’s so tight.
And you! If you’re driving a tow truck, one expects you to have a better than average appreciation of the rules of the road, and the potential hazards for failing to follow them. So if you’re signalling that you’re going to be making a left turn, and there’s no one in the left lane ahead of you, why, in the name of all that is holy, good, and even alcoholic, are you trying to get into the right hand lane?*
*For anyone who might be trying to come up with an excuse for this: the yutz in question had just made a right turn into that left hand lane of the road, when he put on his left turn signals.
That’s what it’s called? Seriously? Your government has a wicked sense of humour.
Why is it necessary for people in this library to spray nasty air fresheners all over the place? Some of us like to breathe, yanno. I’d rather smell the bathroom as it was than the chemical warfare just unleashed back there.
Oh, we waived our cause of action against that defendant? Good to know.
Would have been great to know BEFORE I SUED THEM, YOU USELESS CUMGUZZLING ASSHOLE FUCKFACE. Why don’t we add that as one more of the innumerable number of ways that you have fucked up, continue to fuck up, and no doubt will go on completely fucking up my operation. Tell you what, next time the client asks for me, just give me the whole file (emails w/ prospective defendants included in that, ya fuckin retard) and then you can go back to picking your nose and asking for updates that you don’t fucking read.
Him: GB, you know, you need to attach the thingy to the motion, ummm…
GB: Yeah, that’s why it’s Exhibit B, attached to the motion.
Him: OHH so it is uhm, yes, excellent work, great work…
Stupid dick.
Well this one seems particularly mini, compared to the one above it, but I keep forgetting to include it:
I hate it when I print a Web page or e-mail, and a second page with just one or two unnecessary lines comes out, wasting that last sheet of paper. I must waste about a quarter of all the paper I buy this way. I recycle it, of course, but still.
(And yes, I could get in the habit of printing just the first page, but that’s a couple extra clicks. I don’t have time for that!)
I know, this is an extra lame rant. Fuck.
Lunch! I no longer have a decent place to go for lunch.
- My favourite and closest lunch place closed and got replaced with something that specifically only sells “blazing hot” food. I don’t want that. I don’t mind spicy food but I have nothing to prove and I don’t feel like touring the entire menu of inedibly hot things until I find one I like.
- My most favourite lunch place is being knocked over to make room for a condo.
- At another place I can’t get anything smaller than an $8 combo that comes with nasty noodles I’m not going to eat (the other combo items are yummy, but I can’t get them on their own).
- At another place, last time I was there, the counter staff picked all the broccoli out of the mixed veg for the customer ahead of me, leaving celery and onions for my own mixed veg. I cannot support such behaviour!
- At another place I can’t get something off the lunch menu, to go (unlike all the other lunch places around). This is the same place that, when I ordered something to stay, it took 45 minutes to get to my table, and it wasn’t really what I ordered, it was a more expensive version that I didn’t ask for, and the clerk refused to acknowledge it.
- Another place serves food that’s just gross, which I forget once in a while and so I go back in because my friends all like it, and then I promptly remember why I haven’t been in a while.
- The supermarket that makes prewrapped deli sandwiches has vastly decreased its selection and I rarely find something suitable.
I work in what could be the lunch place capital of the city. I don’t go out for lunch every day. But when I do I want to eat something, dagnamit! Why are all these places making my life more difficult?