Fucking potheads wasting their lives.

The BBQ Pit
81

[QUOTE=Rigamarole]
Another tangential point which I didn’t mention earlier, but just to add to the case for “she is being pretty irresponsible with her life right now”, is that they mentioned how they have been arrested multiple times for DUI, and Alice had been in a serious accident recently while she was in a car being driven by a friend who was driving “totally plastered”. Turnoff factor +5.
[/quote]

Respect -1E+99.1. Do it once, it’s a mistake. As long as no one was hurt, no harm, no foul, learn from it. Keep doing it, though, and you’re an asshole. You might be the nicest person when sober, but Jesus Chicken-Fried Christ, if you get behind the wheel when you’re drunk/stoned, you need to have your license shredded and sprinkled in your next blunt.

Sorry. Major pet peeve. I’ve been in a car with a drunk driver in my teens; we were all half gone, but even in my inebretated state I was holding on to the doorhandles for dear life. Especially when he negotiated a green-light left turn by trying to take some of the curb with him. We got home okay, but I never wanted to get in another car with a drunk at the wheel again.

You did the right thing as far as I’m concerned. Remain friends by all means, but that’s absolutely not relationship material.

82

[QUOTE=Viridiana]
How come no one mentions the carcinogenic properties of pot smoke in these debates about whether it’s all right? Isn’t smoked pot as or nearly as bad as cigarettes in that respect? Or have I heard wrong?
[/QUOTE]

There’s never been a conclusive link demonstrated between pot smoke and lung cancer, unlike with tobacco smoke. I’ll certainly concur that inhaling smoke of any sort isn’t the healthiest thing you can do, and pot smoke generally deposits significantly more tar in the lungs than cigarette smoke does, partly because of the lack of filtration. Clearly, chronic pot use has respiratory consequences (PDF doc), but the link to cancer is much less probative than that for tobacco use. And some studies have found no link whatsoever.

83

Not to mention that even heavy pot smokers don’t really chain-smoke joints the same way that tobacco chain-smokers do.

84

Just my $0.02:

Rig, I’m 100% on your side on this. I’ve actually been in similar situations in my younger days (I’m 50 now), and let me tell you from experience–you missed nothing ! There is nothing more depressing and off-putting than someone who lives to get wasted, regardless of their age. And I was no babe in the woods–I smoked weed daily for almost 20 years. But it was akin to someone having a beer after work–something I liked to do, but not lived for.

The one time I stuck around for “the big finish”, it turned out to be such a shallow, empty disappointment that it left me permanently turned off to women (or anyone) smelling of alcohol or with anything stronger than a mild buzz. If I’m going to bed a young lady (or even two), I would prefer that she acknowledge my presence–it sounds from your story that once she got to the apartment and was in the presence of her “friend”, you sort of disappeared from view. At that point, I probably would have tried to get home no matter how I felt.

And far as “how many opportunities do you get to have a threesome”, it sounds to me like it probably wouldn’t have happened anyway. And even if it would have, so what? Hell, when I was 21, I didn’t have that many opportunities to get laid , never mind a threesome! But if the chick was totally fucked up, I would have passed then, as I would now.

85

[QUOTE=Ogre]
Thanks for the clarification. I see your point better now. Especially with the DUIs and the drunk driving accident.
[/QUOTE]

Ditto. DUI, not cool. It’s possible to party and still be responsible, but apparently this girl hasn’t learned that yet.

86

[QUOTE=Rigamarole]
Wow, OK. First off, thank you for all the responses. I have read them all, and appreciate everyone’s viewpoints. I think a little more explanation is called for: [explanation]
[/QUOTE]

Damn, I was all ready to fire off a witty, vitriolic diatribe about your lack of class, and then you gave more details and totally changed my opinion of the situation. Way to go, Now I have an ire buildup :mad: :smiley:

87

[QUOTE=Diogenes the Cynic]
It sounds like he never even took his bat off his shoulder. Sure, he might have struck out, but he could have at least struck out swinging.
[/QUOTE]

Again, I concur. Looking back, I passed up some sure things because I had a similar stick in my ass (or on my shoulder, as it were). In retrospect, I really regret what could have been. Damn, do I ever regret a few. You’re only 21 once, hotties may not always be beating on your door, hit that shit NOW before it’s too late.

88

[QUOTE=want2know]
Just my $0.02:

Rig, I’m 100% on your side on this. I’ve actually been in similar situations in my younger days (I’m 50 now), and let me tell you from experience–you missed nothing ! There is nothing more depressing and off-putting than someone who lives to get wasted, regardless of their age. And I was no babe in the woods–I smoked weed daily for almost 20 years. But it was akin to someone having a beer after work–something I liked to do, but not lived for.

The one time I stuck around for “the big finish”, it turned out to be such a shallow, empty disappointment that it left me permanently turned off to women (or anyone) smelling of alcohol or with anything stronger than a mild buzz. If I’m going to bed a young lady (or even two), I would prefer that she acknowledge my presence–it sounds from your story that once she got to the apartment and was in the presence of her “friend”, you sort of disappeared from view. At that point, I probably would have tried to get home no matter how I felt.

And far as “how many opportunities do you get to have a threesome”, it sounds to me like it probably wouldn’t have happened anyway. And even if it would have, so what? Hell, when I was 21, I didn’t have that many opportunities to get laid , never mind a threesome! But if the chick was totally fucked up, I would have passed then, as I would now.
[/QUOTE]

Thanks want2know. You are right-on about the “disappearing from view” thing. That’s how it felt and it was quite an abrupt change from the way she was acting toward me before we got there (she was constantly coming up to me to talk etc.) It’s going to be interesting seeing how she acts the next time we work together.

89

[QUOTE=Rigamarole]
Thanks want2know. You are right-on about the “disappearing from view” thing. That’s how it felt and it was quite an abrupt change from the way she was acting toward me before we got there (she was constantly coming up to me to talk etc.) It’s going to be interesting seeing how she acts the next time we work together.
[/QUOTE]

Ah well, I’m sure it’ll all work out for the best. For her.

90

Wait, you were surprised to learn that a girl under 21 and with multiple DUI’s drinks a lot?

91

[QUOTE=bigbabysweets2000]
Wait, you were surprised to learn that a girl under 21 and with multiple DUI’s drinks a lot?
[/QUOTE]

I learned these facts basically simultaneously.

92

The problem I find with recreational drug use is that it has the potential of tending toward self-medication. The joint that enhanced the concert is different from the joint one turns to after failing a class, getting dumped, or grieving over death. Part of being an adolescent is learning to deal (not cope) with growing up, learning to confront life’s challenges, mastering insecurities, fears, and conflicting desires, finding one’s direction, hearing one’s calling. Adolescence, in my opinion, is not the time for experimenting with mood-altering and mind-altering substances, which is why, Rigamarole, my first reaction to your post was to question who was more mature: Alice stoned at 20 or you at under-17? In any case, I think you did the sensible thing by removing yourself from the situation once you took its measure. I doubt that I would have. At your age and for many years thereafter, I was still caught up in my “fondness for possibilities,” reaching out to experience anything within my grasp.

93

[QUOTE=Larry Mudd]
So long as you can find your way back to Ithaca. :smiley:
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but in Ithaca, bisexual pothead chicks are a dime a dozen. :smiley: Rigamarole would never get laid here with his Ward and June Cleaver era moralism.

94

[QUOTE=Rubystreak]
Yeah, but in Ithaca, bisexual pothead chicks are a dime a dozen. :smiley: Rigamarole would never get laid here with his Ward and June Cleaver era moralism.
[/QUOTE]

I bet people not from Central/Upstate NY have no idea just how true this is. I bet they think you’re kidding. “Oh, surely you can’t actually go to the store and buy twelve bisexual pothead chicks for a mere ten cents!” they’re thinking. They’re right. For a whole dime, the store’ll throw in a crate of vegan anarchists and straight-edge pseudo-punks, too.

95

Bleh how annoying are all these people saying “Oh don’t be so judgmental! You should be ok with this obvious drama whore with something to prove!”

A bi-sexual with bad relationship past, shows off to/looks up to her wasted friend, brags about drugs/alcohol, brags about how ‘tough’ her life has been, and says she’s estranged from her family she seems to have regular contact with just SCREAMS chaotic mess that will suck you into her drama. Not that there’s anything wrong with a drama bomb relationship (if all you’re interested in is kinky sex followed by a total meltdown as the relationship climaxes) but it sounds like you’ve moved beyond that weird energy and good for you that you recognized it so early and want to move on.

Ignore these assholes that are tsking you as long as you don’t treat her like shit for her choices it’s perfectly ok to say “That’s fucked up and I don’t want any part of that”.

96

I really don’t get the outrage and the rallying to the “side” of the OP. So you got to know a girl a little better and you found out you don’t like who she is. Had she promised you that she was everything you’ve ever wanted? Are you betrothed? Who are you to go into someone else’s life and decide that they are living the wrong way? She owes you nothing, really- if you don’t like her, don’t be her friend.

I think you’re pissed because you thought you were gonna hit that and it got rudely yanked away from you by her girlfriend.

97

[QUOTE=Alice The Goon]
I really don’t get the outrage and the rallying to the “side” of the OP. So you got to know a girl a little better and you found out you don’t like who she is. Had she promised you that she was everything you’ve ever wanted? Are you betrothed? Who are you to go into someone else’s life and decide that they are living the wrong way? She owes you nothing, really- if you don’t like her, don’t be her friend.

I think you’re pissed because you thought you were gonna hit that and it got rudely yanked away from you by her girlfriend.
[/QUOTE]

No, it is more complicated than that. Like I said I am more depressed than pissed off, and it is because before this night I developed feelings a little more… empathetic and caring for this girl. I still have those feelings. I really truly want the best for her. I’m sad and upset precisely because I do like her, but for my own good know that I can’t afford to get involved in this kind of fucked up life anymore. Hence the cognitive disconnect. I just wanted to vent these feelings, and I thank everyone for the support - it really does matter to me.

98

Rig, she sounds like a bore. Nothing wrong with drinking and smoking a little pot, but being around someone who’s only interests are drinking and pot is about as interesting as being around someone who’s only interest is her diet or her health problems. I don’t blame you for being disappointed.

99

[QUOTE=burundi]
Rig, she sounds like a bore. Nothing wrong with drinking and smoking a little pot, but being around someone who’s only interests are drinking and pot is about as interesting as being around someone who’s only interest is her diet or her health problems. I don’t blame you for being disappointed.
[/QUOTE]

Yeah, but he said she was alright before he saw the ‘other side’. Perhaps she would have benefited from having a choice. Perhaps being able to spend some time not getting blasted by spending time with Rigamarole would be a good thing, maybe she doesn’t really have anything better to do (been there, done that). But hey, it’s his choice what he does and what she does is her choice. I do think there’s a lot of judgemental in this thread.

So saying that I’m going to quote DtC’s wisdom from above:

True dat. And still true if you replace ‘smoke pot’ with pretty much any drug, vice, hobby, or activity you choose to mention.

We’d all do well to remember that.

SD

100

[QUOTE=Una Persson]
I’ve noticed something too. …
…Yeah, yeah, given that this is the SDMB there’ll be a dozen people who will post about how they did their own version of vision quests with Don Juan for a decade and then made millions in the stock market - or how some super genius nerd-boy they knew ended up in psych ward, but seriously - IME, it’s a small minority of people who exhibit self-destructive behaviour in their late teens/early twenties who can break out. I don’t regret for a minute not being a drug user or the sort of person who went to parties to barf on the themselves.
[/QUOTE]

That’s a post I can completely agree with. Thank you for saying what I was thinking, more clearly than I’d have been able to.

I’m, as always, reminded of a line from The Big Lebowski,

" Your revolution is over, Mr. Lebowski. Condolences. The bums lost. "

To the OP: good on you for having the strength and charactor to decide to change and move on. Kudos for recognizing that those girls were not what you wanted.

I almost thought you were me for a minute, this past December our office had it’s Christmas party. One of my co-workers was too drunk to drive home, she lives close, so I talked her out of her keys and drove her home. I’ve always found her cute and thought that it would be nice to get to know her.

As we drove she also would not shut up about how wasted she got the night before and how she loves to smoke pot. She’s 35 years old and she told me how f’ed up her boyfriend’s have been. Upon further questioning she admitted that maybe the fact that she only dates guys who are 18-20 years old with hard bodies might have something to do with it.

Her house was filthy, no paintings or photos on the walls, no knick-knacks, just some utilitarian furniture draped with laundry and a bunch of empty bottles and trash strewn about and stacked on the fireplace mantle. Very similar to what you’d described.

Pity, because she is painfully cute and likes “Dr. Who”.