I’m not really writing this out of anger. I’m more depressed than anything. But it’s a pit nonetheless.
So there’s this girl. (Yes, it’s about a girl, but it could be about anyone) We’ll call her Alice. I met Alice at work, not all that long ago, but there was some instant chemical attraction going on. It didn’t take long before we were exchanging flirtatious quips and touches, and when I asked her out, she was perfectly eager to go.
“Great!” I think, naturally psyched but at the same time pretty cautious, knowing how acting too fast on these sorts of feelings can really burn a person. Anyway I get to know her a little more, and come away thinking she is a pretty sweet and cute girl that even seems to like me. Haven’t had that feeling in quite a while, so I’m even more psyched.
Fast forward to tonight (last night, sort of. I’m writing this at 5:30 in the morning because I can’t sleep). As I mention often enough here I work in a restaurant, which happens to have a special on bottles of wine one night a week. I offer to share a bottle with her and she accepts. Then she invites me to her apartment to drink it. At this point, you can imagine my excitement. It’s been over a year since I’ve even kissed a girl.
She tells me while we are on the way there that her “friend” is at the apartment. Now, some explanation is needed. She has mentioned this friend to me before. She first referred to this friend as her “girlfriend”. I asked if she meant “girlfriend girlfriend” and she said “no way, she’s just a girl I sleep with sometimes.”
OK… that’s not exactly shocking to me. She has confessed to me that she is bi, although she has had two relationships (which she called “bad relationships”) with girls and never had a serious relationship with a guy before, but is in fact attracted to them. She is also partially estranged from her family over this (I am unclear as to just how estranged she really is since it seems like she still keeps contact with them)
But it was kind of disappointing to hear that we wouldn’t be alone there. It was a lot more disappointing when I actually experienced it. As soon as we walk in the door, it was like someone flipped a switch and she became a completely different person. She immediately starts on about how tough her neighborhood is, how tough her life is… and then comes the booze/pot talk.
She has casually mentioned an interest in both alcohol and weed before, but as soon as she got with her “friend” she could not shut up about how she loves smoking weed and “getting trashed”. In fact, their (very small) living room was pretty much a shrine to the alcohol Gods. Empty bottles of Patron, Hennessy, etc. adorned their glass display case-like cabinets where people would usually put pictures of their kids, or chess tournament trophies or some shit like that. When I commented on it, her friend actually asked me “Do you put up the empty bottles of liquor you drink?” to which I replied, “No, I don’t worship alcohol.” They laughed at that and said “We don’t worship alcohol! We just like it a lot”. Yeah, whatever.
I sit there and drink my wine as she and her friend go on and on about how wasted they got the other night, or how high they were that one time. Yeah, to think I used to do that very same thing. But that was in high school, and I’m trying to make a responsible man of myself and get away from that shit now. Luckily, South Park is on T.V. and I become increasingly interested in watching it as I tune them out. At this point, I had already realized that this girl is not what I need in my life right now and I’m perfectly content to have a few laughs while I let the alcohol I’ve already drank leave my system so I can drive myself home.
But I don’t even get to finish watching the second episode, because Alice has decided that she needs to get some weed so badly right this moment in order to “help her go to sleep” that we need to leave and go see her drug dealer, and she can’t leave me alone there. I still wasn’t ready to drive, and I seriously considered just waiting in my car, but I go along with them. The transaction was uneventful (I stayed in the backseat), and by the time we got back I did feel good enough to drive home. That’s what I did, and I don’t plan on hanging out with Alice again.
But what really upsets me is not so much that I didn’t get any from her, and that this “friend” seems to be a little more than she tried to downplay earlier - actually, at this point I don’t care about that at all. What upsets me is that this girl - who I initially saw as having qualities of kindness and empathy and at least some intelligence, is completely intent on having her life center around drugs and alcohol and is oblivious to the fact that it’s not just a habit that’s destructive to herself but puts a drain, emotionally and financially on those around her. And that I used to be that person. And that, knowing too well the state of mind I was in then, there’s nothing anyone else can do to help her until she decides she wants to get out of it for herself.
And before you say, “well, it was your idea to drink the wine” - yes, that is true. But I have brought myself to an adult level of responsible, moderate alcohol consumption and have given up drugs entirely for several years. (I’m only 21, but I haven’t touched anything besides a few hits of weed here and there since I was 17).
It’s just such a fucking waste of life. I asked her (in the presence of “friend”) what she liked to do besides drink and smoke and she says, “Oh, I don’t do any other drugs. Wait, you mean like… hobbies?” (she couldn’t name any besides “watching T.V.” and “sleeping”) :rolleyes:
I’m a loner and don’t care about many people. It really took seeing this happening to someone for whom I’d developed an inkling of that caring feeling to realize this. I’m sure I have more to say but it’s late and this is too long already. I’ll respond to responses if there are any.
