St. Patrick’s Day RSVP?
When did the original e-vite e-mails go out?
Maybe people already had plans for St. Pat’s day, especially since it was on a weekend, and the e-vites were simply too easy to ignore (or pretend they weren’t seen). If you hadn’t talked to them personally about it, such an otherwise typically social day might have been easier to ignore than if it were a wedding, or party on a random non-holiday…day.
I’ve got a bit of bad RSVP karma coming toward me lately.
Back in my purely bachelor days, I was the absolute worst when it came to RSVPing. Seven of my friends got married, seven brides-to-be had to call me a week after the deadline to ask if I was coming.
B-t-B: So are you coming?
Me: Oh absolutely! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!
B-t-B: Oh, cuz you know we needed RSVPs back last week.
Me: Oh jeez! Are you serious? I’m sorry! But, yeah, I’ll totally be there.
B-t-B: And?
Me: And…? I can’t wait!
B-t-B: And are you bringing a guest? [clenched fists]
Me: Uh…it’s in June? Yeah, put me down for two; I’m feelin’ lucky!
B-t-B: [more clenched fists, I’m sure]
Now that I’m getting married, we’ve got relatives who didn’t RSVP for the shower by last week’s deadline, now making comments about coming, which we’re hearing through the grapevine. My little bride-to-be, who is a big believer in karma, is now the one clenching her fists. 
While I wouldn’t necessarily be really pissed off, I would certainly be annoyed. If you’re a guest and you have the responsibility of bringing appetizers for other people to enjoy, and you know you’re running late or going to be late, the onus is on you to make the call. The host is busy getting shit ready and entertaining guests. Yes, phones work both ways, but it’s the tardy party’s responsibility. I don’t care how close you are, but you should have the courtesy to call, especially since you are affecting the enjoyment of other members of the party who have no appetizers to chomp on.
Let’s suppose under your scenerio, you call the late couple at 6:30. You’re still fucked out of running out and getting appetizers for your friends. Is it a big deal? For me, probably not, but for others, I could completely understand. That’s why the late party should call as soon as they know they’re going to be late–to give the host an opportunity to make any adjustments to the party.
Yea, the ball was definitely in their court and they dropped it. But when I try to replay the scenario with some of my friends, I have a hard time imagining anything more than a “hey thanks for the call, dick” and moving on with the night’s enjoyment.
That’s all. Some people are just more formal, I can accept that.
“RSVP” – That’s some French term, right? Sorry, I only speak English. If you really want a response, say so, in specific, understandable terms. Especially if you want one even from people who can’t come.
You sent an “e-vite”, with no follow-up, and are upset that people didn’t respond? Do you know if people even got your invites? On my computer, most such e-vites are caught and destroyed by my spam filters (as they should be – most are indeed spam). Of those that do get thru, the e-vite software often freezes up when trying to respond, so I don’t know if it actually got sent. And I usually don’t try too many times – why should I have to put in a whole lot more effort than they did sending the invitation via this junky software?
You’re kidding, right? It might be French in origin, but it’s as commonplace in English speaking countries as “hors d’oeuvre.”
I don’t open e-vites, as I don’t like spam, spyware or viruses.
I rarely respond to RSVPs. Mostly because I usually get them from people I don’t know, who want me to give them money, and seem to think printing RSVP on an invitation makes it classier than other bulk mail sent to thousands of people.
Wedding, yeah ok.
St. Patrick’s day? ROFL
I always thought it meant: “Tell us if you’re definitely coming, so we can prepare enough food. If you don’t come, then we’ll have more left-overs, and no big deal.” Now if no one said they would come, and then they all did, they I’d be pissed too.
But since it was St. Patrick’s day, I might have assumed that the invited guests thought the “RSVP” to be a joke; I certainly would have; corned beef or not, I would have taken it to be not much more than peanut butter and jelly sandwiches (and I’m half Irish). Where do you live, on Beacon Hill?
If I’d sent an invitation to a Cinco de Mayo carne asado BBQ with an “RSVP,” most wouldn’t even understand want those initials meant; those that did, would laugh off their assess.
This isn’t Thanksgiving or Christmas or Easter you’re talking about; it’s not a birthday or a wedding. It’s not even a baby-shower or a bachelors’ party. (God forbid a Super Bowl party where they ignored the RSVP!)
If some coworkers sent me a note on Friday, March 16 that they we’re meeting for a St Pat’s celebration with an RSVP, I’d just laugh it away and go home. (I don’t like green beer.)
How gauche.
Also, I think it a bit pretentious to put “RSVP” on a St. Patrick’s Day party invitation. “s’il vous plait” just means “please.” The “please” is because some people really don’t know whether they’ll be able to go; maybe their brother will be having a birthday on the same night, whatever.
In that case, I believe a telephone call is the proper form. But what if I send invite to Pres. George W. Bush to attend my St. Patrick’s Day party, insisting that he bring appetizers, and that he RSVP? If he doesn’t respond personally by telephone, does that make him a “fuckwit?”
But, HAZEL what I if was actually planning to come to your party, but my car died on the 605, and my cell phone battery has run out (so I have to use the call box), and I’m stuck on the 605, and I actually had some appetizers (corned beef, what-ever-the-hell-that-could-be that make people who aren’t really Irish feel that they’re Irish), and I’d really like to be there–but I have to call the AAA to get me out of this mess, and get enough sleep to last through Sunday morning’s Mass?
Am I still a “fuckwit”?
Have YOU ever been a “fuckwit?” (Not that I’d believe so, but if so, I’d (we’d) be interested in knowing how it happened.
While the lateness of their arrival is disappointing, fuck you for being the arbiter of how important members of their own family are to them. So what if they see their daughter “fairly often” (you words might I add, probably not theirs). Maybe they actually like seeing their daughter and hearing about her experiences at school instead of rushing off to your formal (by means of requiring everyone to RSVP), yet informal (by means of you doing by the Oh-So-Classy-Evite) gathering - they might have lost track of time. Are they frequently late for activities you plan for them? If so, why are you surprised and why did you give them a time-sensitive task to do. If not, it is their daughter! Maybe your parents didn’t give a flying whoop-de-do about seeing you, but don’t expect that to be the norm.
Yes, it stinks that they were late with appetizers. If that was the cause of everyone having a miserable time at your party, then you and your circle of friends suck.
How on earth can “RSVP” be considered pretentious? Sure, the origin is a fancy lil French phrase, but all it means is “let me know if you’re coming or not”. No one* actually writes out “Respondez s’il vous plait”. In my experience, RSVP has evolved from fancy-schmancy to something you put on an invitation when you need to know who’s coming or not (for making enough food, or reserving enough space, or whatever).
I find it odd that people think it’s weird that she’d put RSVP on her party invitation. I agree that with the informality (and unpredictability and everything else) about email that less people RSVPing is understandable and predictable (so in this particular case, I think she’s overreacting considering that people might not check their email every day, etc). But I don’t see what’s odd/pretentious about asking for an RSVP of any kind of party, not just a wedding.
*okay fine, I’m sure there is someone out there who does, but you know what I mean.
Touché!
I hate when people don’t RSVP. In the case of a St. Pat’s party, I’ll bet they were waiting to see if “something better” was coming along. I hate to be so cynical, but I’ve seen it happen.
If you don’t know whether or not you have a conflicting engagement, FIND OUT! Then you can RSVP.
I’m having some guys over for poker on Friday night. Now in our games optimal is 6-7 guys for a good table. 5 is okay but 4 kinda changes things from our social game. If you have 8, you can’t play 7-stud or draw, or else have to have 2 small tables. So, you want to either have 6-7 committments, or go up to 10-14 and have 2 tables.
Suffice it to say that between folks who have been noncommittal and who have not responded to e-mails and voicemails, I have no friggin idea how many folks are going to show up. I think I have 7 definites, another 2-3 possibles, and another 2-4 no responses. One of the definites said he has 2 buddies he could bring. Which could be fine - but not if everyone invited shows up.
What a PITA! I should have just said up front that I was capping it at the 1st 7 to respond.
Being one of the ones that are never late without a phone call and who always RSVPs, I hate saying this, but in this situation I’ve found we have to conform to them. I recommend phone calls a couple of days before the party to remind them. I think e-vites are not the best way to go; they are good for an initial “save the date” but it’s best followed up by phone calls.
They should have called. They agreed to bring the appetizers; in fact, if I’m reading the OP right, they offered!
Really, Hazle, how dare you offer a fun time to some friends and expect them to have to say yes or no? Very selfish of you.
Seriously, the only thing I can see that you did wrong was to use e-mail. Phone calls or paper invitations would have been nicer and might have netted you more responses.
Maybe they sent an evite or an IM so some such similar method to announce their delay, seeing as how it is the OPs prefered method of personal communication. :rolleyes: