Fun at Work

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

My apologies if this is one of those things that everyone has read but me, but my husband just e-mailed it to me and I was amused by it, especially since we both got off 2+ hours ago and are still in our offices. :slight_smile: Enjoy. (I tried to clean up some of the email crud from it)

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management’s attention that some individuals
throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of
normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received
from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will
no longer be tolerated. We do however, realize the critical importance of
being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with
co-workers. Therefore, a list of 18 New and Innovative “TRY SAYING” phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

  1. TRY SAYING:
    I think you could use more training.
    INSTEAD OF:
    You don’t know what the f___ you’re doing.

  2. TRY SAYING:
    She’s an aggressive go-getter.
    INSTEAD OF:
    She’s a ball-busting b__ch.

  3. TRY SAYING:
    Perhaps I can work late.
    INSTEAD OF:
    And when the f___ do you expect me to do this?

  4. TRY SAYING:
    I’m certain that isn’t feasible.
    INSTEAD OF:
    No f______ way.

  5. TRY SAYING:
    Really?
    INSTEAD OF:
    You’ve got to be sh__ing me!

  6. TRY SAYING:
    Perhaps you should check with…
    INSTEAD OF:
    Tell someone who gives a sh__.

  7. TRY SAYING:
    I wasn’t involved in the project.
    INSTEAD OF:
    It’s not my f______ problem.

  8. TRY SAYING:
    That’s interesting.
    INSTEAD OF:
    What the f___?

  9. TRY SAYING:
    I’m not sure this can be implemented
    INSTEAD OF:
    This sh__ won’t work.

  10. TRY SAYING:
    I’ll try to schedule that.
    INSTEAD OF:
    Why the h_! __ didn’t you tell me sooner?

  11. TRY SAYING:
    He’s not familiar with the issues.
    INSTEAD OF:
    He’s got his head up his a__.

  12. TRY SAYING:
    Excuse me, sir?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Eat sh__ and die.

  13. TRY SAYING:
    So you weren’t happy with it?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Kiss my a__.

  14. TRY SAYING:
    I’m a bit overloaded at the moment.
    INSTEAD OF:
    F___ it, I’m on salary.

  15. TRY SAYING:
    I don’t think you understand.
    INSTEAD OF:
    Shove it up your a__.

  16. TRY SAYING:
    I love a challenge.
    INSTEAD OF:
    This job sucks.

  17. TRY SAYING:
    You want me to take care of that?
    INSTEAD OF:
    Who the h___ died and made you boss?

18 ) TRY SAYING:
He’s somewhat insensitive.
INSTEAD OF:
He’s a pr_ck.

2

A similar list went around a place I worked at several years ago. One substitution was “I see.” for “F*** you!” Those of us in the know would crack each other up by inserting “I see,” (with a serious look and a completely straight face) in meetings.

3

Might try that one…

Last year they sent around a list of common slang and acronyms that the kids use here at school to help us teachers be in the know, and they had “WTF” listed ( I didn’t know there was anyone who didn’t know the meaning of that), so now most of the teachers in my department say it to each other in reference to pretty much everything from “I have to pee, watch my class.” to “That annoying parent won’t stop calling me.”

4

Heh. Mr. brown has a favorite phrase of “What the hell are ya talkin’ about?” said in an irritated tone when he’s puzzled. I’ve coached him to say “I don’t understand” in a calm manner and I’m certain I’ve kept him off of at least one layoff list.

5

My mom always told this joke:

How do Southern women say “Fuck you”?

“That’s nice.” (With a thick Southern accent.)

6

heehee… My mother in law responds with her very southern “That’s nice” to a lot of things that I say… But she doesn’t mean “Fuck you” because she likes me… right?