I didn’t add this in the first post, but I might as well add it now. The 94 year old funeral home owner used the opportunity to proselytize when I went with my buddy who had just lost his 51 year old father. We made it clear that we didn’t want the preacher to be preachy and to only do a bit of scripture, since David was an atheist as is most of his family. She kept going on and fucking on about how if we had Jesus in our lives this wouldn’t be so bad, since we could see the wisdom in gods plan. She was absolutely over-the-top in pushing Jesus on us. My friend was absolutely livid and saddened by her comments.
At the last service I went to, the decedent’s uncle managed to corner me and preach the Word of God to me. I could only stay a short time in the first place, and this guy was making it impossible to leave. I certainly didn’t want to cause a scene, so I couldn’t say anything like “Dude, I’m an atheist, stop preaching to me!” I must have said “I need to go” at least three times on the rare occasions I could get a word in edgewise. When I finally left, he followed me out!
Honestly, I do not understand a lot of Christians. I’m not saying all, but many, many of them use the most awful opportunities to evangelize; it seems they forget the golden rule quite often.
That is definitely the most horrible funeral story I’ve ever heard.
At first the story reminded me of my uncle’s death. My uncle was only five years older than me, and I spent a lot of time at his house growing up, so he was more like a sibling than an uncle. But not like a ‘‘ooh, I love you’’ sibling, more like ‘‘this is my pain in the ass inconsiderate loser older brother.’’ Well, he had issues, couldn’t support himself, got into drugs, had two children with two different terrible mothers. At 30 years old, just days after being released from a mental hospital, he overdosed on heroine (suicide?), leaving behind his ten year old and five year old sons.
His death was a complete shock to everyone involved, and my family is mega dysfunctional. Since most of the people in my family suffer from one mental illness or another, it was a week of everybody losing their goddamn mind. My Mom and grandfather got pissed off at me and my Aunt for coming, with my grandmother’s permission, to my grandparent’s house and cleaning their kitchen, which was at hoarder levels of uncleanliness. So pissed off she almost didn’t even come to the funeral. Well… rather than tell the whole story I’ll just talk about one of the most surreal moments of my life. It’s actually one of the moments that I think best sums up what it’s like to be a member of my family.
The day following my uncle’s death, when me, my Mom and my Grandfather went to tell my other uncle, a paranoid schizophrenic with zero mental filter, that his brother had died. Uncle proceeds, with no preamble whatsoever, in front of me, my mother, and my grandfather, to talk in *vivid detail *about molesting my Aunt when she was a child. I am almost positive this is the first time my grandfather heard about this. I actually think that’s the reason he disappeared for hours the day we came over, and his anger had way more to do with my Aunt being there than actually cleaning the kitchen. This is my theory anyway. You never know with my family.
Jesus Jumped up Christ. From your posting history, olives, I thought this may contain some humor, but this takes the fucking cake as far as horrible funeral stories go. I’m so sorry.
Thank God for my uptight family that never shares feelings.
Thank God for my uptight family that never shares feelings.
Thank God for my uptight family that never shares feelings.
Yep, no way to get in contact with him and frankly, it’s pretty clear he doesn’t want anyone to.
Re: youngest brother, he’s mostly only a prick when he drinks to excess, and he’s self aware enough to have realized that things tend to go very very sideways when stress and drinks combine. So it’s mostly only been highly emotional events that set him off. There have been others.
I learned a long time ago to just stay as clear of all that as possible.
That’s some serious crazy. There was a scene like that in the film Bound, but I always thought it was so over the top it was obviously exaggerated. It was performed by a character who was in the midst of violently losing his mind with fear and rage, beating on a corpse and screaming at it. But your example not only parallels that scene, it’s multiplied severalfold.
I don’t mean to suggest that you’re the man to do it, but yeah, his behavior sounds like a desperate cry for help to me. It needs to come form his family, but yeah - an Intervention might help. He sounds like he does kinda-sorta knows he needs it. It’s also important to get that he probably did not choose to take drugs and become a drunk. From what you said, his father pretty much said, “Here kid, try this. Puts hair on your chest!” with crack cocaine.
That’ll mess anybody up. And it’s possible he has mental problems, as it sounds like his father may have had some serious issues himself.
Well, the problem is, the two brothers have different mothers. Brody’s side of the family is just fucked up beyond repair and those who have escaped addiction and destitution live too far away to do anything. In addition, not that he has chosen to be a fucked up addict, but he does not want to change. He enjoys, “BEING A REAL MOTHERFUCKER!” To him, that means ridin’ this bitch 'till the wheels fall off. I’ve heard him say that, so there really is no helping him until he wants to change.
I really, really hate the name Brody though. I enjoy your stories but in the future please choose names that sound less like “grody” which is a really ugly word to begin with.
Oh, but it’s really quite simple. One, they can’t pass up having a captive audience and two, it makes THE BEST POINT EVER!! If you can’t get someone to convert while they are confronted with their own mortality, it’ll never happen.
~faithfool, former fundamentalist who has attended multiple funerals with a salvation spiel
In the “can’t make this shit up” category: There was a murder this week in my tiny hometown. Dude makes up story how two black guys staged a home invasion, tied up Dude and Wife of Dude, kills her, leaves Dude and 2-year-old daughter basically unharmed. Needless to say, the story had far too many inconsistencies, and husband is arrested a few days later for offing his lovely young wife.
Last night, the visitation was held at the funeral home. Sheriff Dumbass actually escorts Dude to the visitation, 'cause he likes to make sure county inmates attend services for their loved ones. No doubt, her family was thrilled by the sheriff’s thoughtfulness… :rolleyes: Last I heard, the grieving widower also attended today’s funeral.
