Just interested in thoughts about whether/how you would attend funerals these days. We know 2 people in their 90s - my wife’s best fired’s mom, and my FIL. The friend’s mom is ill, in the hospital w/ CHF. FIL is having heart surgery today.
Hopefully, both make it through. But I’ve started wondering how I would feel about attending a wake/funeral for either of them. Have you thought of such things?
What’s your concern? Exposure to covid, exposing others?
I would be happy to attend a service, but would forgo the wake. We have restrictions on numbers here in - max 30 people.
I have gone to funerals during Covid19 times and I took my 89 y/o mother to one. Wear a mask, but be prepared to see people there without a mask and avoid them. Maintain a social distance and let people know that you do not want to non-mask wearers coming too close.
Almost entirely the former. I’ve been safe - others can look after themselves.
As most people, my wife and I have made our choices as to what we feel is and isn’t worth the risk. We will socialize unmasked inside or out w/ immediate family or w/ 1-2 couples whom we know and consider to have been safe. We have no interest in taking an airplane, and are hesitant to socialize w/ folk who have flown to our area. We have not gone to a concert/theater/restaurant since March. I play music w/ small groups of people masked and/or distanced.
These have been our decisions - I have no desire to defend them or impose them on others. But the idea of a large gathering of people we do not know and whose past behaviors we do not know, or who may have travelled distances from higher risk areas - possibly by plane, seems to break just about every rule we have decided upon.
I suspect I would end up attending, masked, and distancing to the extent possible, and probably making my attendance shorter than otherwise would have been. Would be easier for the friend’s mom than FIL. Hopefully will not need to worry about either for some time - just got word FIL’s surgery went well.
My grandmother died two weeks ago and the funeral was very expertly handled. The ceremony was outside, there was distancing, hand gel was provided, and it was also live streamed on Zoom for those unable to attend. There was a limit of 20 people but with short notice everyone who wanted to attend was able to. The live streaming was a boon because many of my relatives live far away and might not have been able to attend anyway. We all wore masks and it didn’t feel risky at all.
I zoomed into my friend’s covid funeral.
My aunt died of COVID at the age of 100. She had a HUGE extended family and even more friends. There was a small service for the immediate family, which was live streamed for everyone else.
My family had Zoom memorial services for my uncle and aunt who died of covid, and for my MIL who died of a stroke. Uncle and aunt were basically dumped in the ground by people dressed in hazmat suits. My cousins were allowed to be within viewing distance, in their cars, and found it pretty unsatisfying. My MIL was cremated and there was no funeral, per se.
When my other uncle died of not-covid, they had a tiny funeral (only 10 were allowed) and I wish they’d also done a Zoom, but they didn’t.
So this is not a question I’ve had to think about.
These are both in the Chicago area, so outside is not a likely option over the next few months.
Is it that cold in Chicago? The whole thing was much less than an hour - get a nice big winter coat on. Perhaps not a good option for vulnerable elderly mourners I suppose. Definitely worth asking if they will live stream.
At the Methodist church I attend (western suburbs of Chicago), we haven’t had an in-person worship service since early March. But, over the past couple of months, we’ve had a handful of in-person funerals/memorial services. We’ve had to very strictly limit the number of in-person attendees at those (a couple dozen, I can’t remember the exact number), and these services have been shown on the church’s Zoom account for those who can’t attend in person.
Unless it was a service for a very close friend or family member, I definitely wouldn’t attend an indoor service right now – and even if it was for someone like that, I’d have to think long and hard about attending.
I’ve been to one Zoom memorial service. I declined to attend a funeral in the spring.
This summer I “attended” one Zoom funeral for a cancer death. Other than the preacher, the widower, and one of the decedent’s adult children, everybody else was required to Zoom. I don’t know how many Zoomers there were.
That may have been overly cautious, but that was what was done. It’s not clear to me whether that extreme restriction on in-person attendance was at the request / demand of the funeral home or of the widower.
I think I’d rather operate it as a plain memorial service rather than a reception or wake that turns into a party with lots of food, drink, and story telling. If there’s a way to do the story telling without the social lube of food and drink that’d be ideal. One can tell stories in a group while distanced and masked. One can’t eat and drink that way. Or at least most won’t.
For damn sure if I was sponsoring a funeral I’d be very aggressive about asking that anyone whose the slightest bit suspicious that they may be carrying COVID to stay away. This is one time their obligation to the living (don’t infect them) vastly exceeds their obligation to the deceased (pay last respects).
That’s sure not a foolproof plan, but nothing is these days.
Here’s a post of mine in another thread. The thread is on the mental health aspects of COVID precautions and how to identify when enough shades into too much. The whole thread may have relevance to the OP’s questions as might my specific post here:
My wife’s grandfather died this summer from COVID. The family had a reunion planned for the next week any how and the 4 families (11 people total) got together and spent an afternoon out of the week camping as his memorial service.
I wouldn’t go to a memorial service or a wake right now the person will still be dead when COVID is over and we can do it then.
I went to a visitation for a relative who died a few weeks back. Everyone wore a mask and the number of people who could be in the funeral home was limited but we didn’t social distance because the building just wasn’t designed for it. I’d like to say we didn’t stay long but we were there for at least an hour. The funeral was limited to 20 people and while my wife went I did not.
I recently attended two online memorial services. The up side was that I wouldn’t have been able to travel to them even without COVID. The down side was not being present with the families. There’s no way I’d go to a funeral right now. I haven’t been in a room with more than one other person since March, and haven’t been outside with more than two.
My FIL passed away in July and they had a fairly traditional funeral although everyone wore masks. I disagreed with the decision to have the service.
Both of my parents died of COVID last week. Their church will have a memorial service at some point but I told them that none of the family would attend. The COVID risks just don’t outweigh the benefits.
We will not be attending any funerals for the foreseeable future. Several Hawaii funerals turned into Covid super-spreader events. One of our neighbors, a gent in his 80s died in May. All I know is the body seems to have been quietly disposed of.
I have an elderly parent in a care home, late 80’s, who is 2000 miles from me along with the rest of my family where I grew up. If - god forbid - she passed, I wouldn’t feel at all comfortable traveling to attend any tribute. And if anyone has sense there, there won’t be an in-person service anyway.