Interestingly enough, my step-father picked up one of these degrees during the end of his Naval career (23 years enlisted, got out in August) in his spare time. He just got a job as a jailer at the county jail in the small town he moved to, so at least his degree makes sense.
I think that’s a Steven Wright joke. I know I’ve heard it before, anyway, though it might have been someone else. It went something like this: “When I fill out a job application, and it says who to contact in case of emergency, I put ‘doctor’. What the hell is my mother going to do?”
Sounds like something Steven Wright might say, though I’ve never heard it.
I didn’t hirethe guy, but that wasn’t the reason. I wouldn’t hold common sense against any applicant Still, gave me a smile. And, now that I think about it, if any emergency involved me, I’d rather have someone dial 911 than search through a cabinet full of employee files for my mom’s #.
Oh, and no, I didn’t hire the sword fighter either. We’re not that kind of bar. Is there that kind of bar?
I saw one for a Network Engineer who had experience with Sysco routers…
(Sysco here is a foodservice company).
Well, back when I was still in the job market, I always put “yes” in the space where it said “salery required”.
One of my favorite cover letters was from a woman whose previous career had been as a kindergarden teacher. She mentioned that job had given her a great deal of experience in dealing with challenging and sometimes unreasonable people … I’m not telling this story very well, anyway the point was that the reader thought she was describing her work with five year old children, and the punchline was that she was describing their parents. We gave her an interview based on that, because we found it so hilarious. Unfortunately, her interview wasn’t very good, and she didn’t get the position. But I still remember that cover letter very fondly.
By ‘English teaching biz’, do you mean ‘teaching in England’? If so, a good dozen pages could be compact for the beaurocracy involved.
I had one that said “minimum salary required”, to which I responded, “if you insist”. I’ll add here that I had no reasonable expectation of getting that job anyway . . . and I didn’t.
Me, I’d rather get an honest to God salary…
I worked with a guy who did this. Actually, I should say I worked for a guy who did this- he was the shipping room manager in a warehouse I worked in.
The guy had a great deal of homespun common sense, knew how to get the best out of the people who worked under him, and made the shipping room run like a Swiss watch.
He was, of course, demoted and quit in disgust soon afterward.
Yes, a fun bar that people would enjoy going to. Clearly, you’re not “that kind” of bar.
I once got a two page resume consisting mostly of several dozen copiers the applicant had used. Make, model (yeah, the string of non-sense letters and numbers), and features like correlate and 2 sided. I think they wanted us to look at our copier and excalim “Wow, she’s used the Cannon XJ7462N!”
My technical support group hires interns to handle phone calls requesting certain lower-level repetitive tasks. One college student put on his application, “Having worked at Walmart, I am capable of keeping a smile on my face while talking to idiots.”
We all got a good laugh, and he got the job.
When The Mango read this, she cracked up laughing and got spit all over the keyboard. Yet she won’t let me use the keyboard because she thinks I’ll poo on it.
Humans are silly.
-Shamus
Teaching English to Japanese students here in Tokyo, actually. Most of the old-timers in the gaijin community started out that way.
There’s one more that my co-worker just reminded me of. I’ve mentioned it here before, but I think it’s worth repeating.
The ad agency I work at now had just interviewed a young American man for a copywriting position. Overall, he was pretty good, but his spoken Japanese just didn’t seem to measure up to the qualifications he listed on his resume. He was pretty nervous during the interview (his first non-teaching job), so we figured he was forgetting what he’d studied just because he was afraid of making a mistake. Our chairman (an older Japanese man whose English tends to bounce from fluent to bizarre) patted him on the shoulder and tried to get him to relax with the advice, “this is a very laid-back office, so don’t be afraid to expose yourself.” He left, and we agreed he was a likely call-back.
The next day we got an email from him thanking us for the interview. The email contained a photo of him, taking the boss’s advice literally. Did I mention the email was sent to the entire office?
He didn’t get the job, unfortunately.
Copiers that correlate? Man, those things are getting fancy!
[sub]You wanted collate…[/sub]
What good’s a bar that doesn’t have hoola hooping, sword fighting bar staff.
I spent a lot of time recruiting people for the sales department in my last place of employment. Lots of bizarre CVs, but the only one I can think of right now is the woman who sent pictures of her children with it. 
I posted this on a similar thread a few years ago but it works again here:
A collection of cover letter and resume “bloopers”. The applicants were applying for a research editor position at a parenting publication.
The I spel real good category:
*I would laik to apply for the position as Research Editor.
*As a former Reasearch Editor and Technical Writer…
*I create good repore with writers.
*I am an experienced and wiley researcher.
Unclear on the concept:
*I am very interested in your job opportunity. I am a dedicated stay at home mother.
*Objective: An engaing position with a non-profit organization [also a contender for the spelling category]
How nice for you:
*I collect facts like some people collect state plates, velvet paintings and clowns; however, my hobby gathers no dust or
derision.
*I ENJOY EDITING, I OFTEN EDIT THE NEWSPAPER FOR RELAXATION (the entire, very long cover letter was all caps–ugh)
*I am also the mom of a toddler turning 2 on 02-02-02 (pretty cool, huh?!)
*I’m a great face, voice, communicator and worker.
*At the age of nineteen, I was promoted to manager of Baskin Robbins Ice Cream Store.
*I have 2 children (girl 10, boy 16) who have turned out rather well, so far- or so the neighbors tell me. Before having kids I never felt the tugging need to procreate but I surprised my wife and myself by turning into an pretty good dad. So, I have the experience thing going for me when it comes to turning this knowledge into a job.
Duh!
*As the downturn in the economy continues, it’s imperative to have qualified individuals onboard to ensure company stability and continued success.
Ways to impress a prospective employer:
*Must I be so bold as to say I am exactly what you are looking for? Well, yes, I must.
*This job appeals to me because … I could ride my bike to work.
Huh?
*I am closely parenting my children, 7 and 9, minding the details and optimizing the desirabilities since conception.
*The exposure from helping expected mothers and the research I learned from that has imprinted my essential to share with others the myths, facts, stories of joy and fear of bringing up a child/children.
*I hope you’ll do some original research of your own and ask me to an interview. Perhaps we can exchange techniques?
*I don’t let deadlines pass by with whooshing sounds.
Twiddle
Nothing that weird, but then I don’t regularly review CVs either.
Strangest one I’ve seen so far is a woman who gave her height and weight.
Don’t know if she was trying to impress any male reviewers (she was in the “trim but not terrifyingly skinny” range), or what, but she didn’t get the job.