Actually, that Superman quip brings to mind LOIS & CLARK – the episode where a sardonic time traveller is obviously out to murder our hero, but Lois Lane can’t figure out why the heck he’d head to 1960s Smallville to do it.
Another one from Cheers:
(Frasier walks out of the back room after a conversation with Lilith)
Norm: So, what’s your punishment?
Frasier: I’m not getting any.
Norm: You’re getting off lucky.
Frasier: You don’t understand - I’m. Not. Getting. Any.
Norm: I understood you fine - You’re. Getting. Off. Lucky.
And one from Three’s Company:
Janet (discussing, IIRC, Jack’s girlfriend): It’s right here on her business card - The Rapist!
Jack’s girlfriend: That’s ‘therapist’
**Cheers **again.
Frasier: I have to go use the sandbox.
Diane: Why a grown man feels the need to euphemize is beyond me.
Woody: Well, he did drink that beer awfully fast.
mmm
HOGAN’S HEROES
Carter and LeBeau are trying to break Newkirk out of a Gestapo prison:
CARTER: (Threatening guard with a pistol) Are you gonna tell us which cell the Englishman is in?
GUARD: (Hesitates at first, then gives in) Nine.
CARTER: (Misunderstanding) Oh, so you won’t talk, eh?
LeBEAU: (Frustrated) He means **number **nine… :smack:
Yet another from Cheers, where Norm walks towards the bar:
“What’s shaking, Norm?”
“All four cheeks and a couple of chins. Pour me a beer.”
Dana Carvey as George Bush, patiently explaining that, yes, we may send troops to Iraq if things get worse . . . but “if we do go to war, it will not be another Vietnam. Because we have learned well the simple lesson of Vietnam: Stay Out Of Vietnam.”
Saturday Night Live’s season 27 opening on September 29, 2001:
Lorne Michaels: “Can we be funny?”
Guest host Rudy Giuliani: Why start now?..Live from New York, it’s Saturday Night!
Live from New York, New York was alive!
My favorite one of these:
“How’s the world treatin’ you, Norm?”
“The same way a dog treats a fire hydrant.”
People IRL don’t give me the set-up line nearly often enough.
Arrested Development took that joke a step further:
Tobias Fünke: You’re forgetting, Lindsay, that as a psychiatrist, I was a professional twice over - an analyst and a therapist. The world’s first “analrapist”.
Lindsay Funke: Yeah, and you were almost arrested for those business cards.
With a cutaway to the business card.
The game that prompted them to create Sneehole was sprung on them by Howard Borden: Pai Tai, Chinese poker.
Howard deals the cards, and asks how many cards everyone has.
“5”.
“11”.
“7”.
“2”.
Howard: “OK, got any kings?”
(Bob admits he has two).
“Throw 'em out - no kings in Pai Tai”.
After a while, Bob announces that he’s folding.
Howard: “Can’t fold in Pai Tai!”
Bob: “I don’t have any cards”
Howard: “Then you just have to sit there until you lose!”
Peggy Bundy: “What does that toilet have that I don’t?”
Al Bundy: “A job!”
Cheers - turns out Coach owns the MLB record for hit by pitch, which Diane doubts. He hands her a ball, goes down the hall (so out of sight) and calls out. “Go ahead! Try and miss me.”
Diane of course plunks him.
The Simpsons, when Moe is taking a lie detector test:
“alright sir you’re free to go.”
“Good cos i got a hot date tonight.”
beeeeeeeep
“a date”
beeeeeeeeeeeep
“dinner with friends”
beeeeeeeeeeepp
“dinner alone”
beeeeeeeeeeeep
“alright… i’m going to sit at home and ogle the ladies in the victoria secret catalogue”
beeeeeeeeeeep
“sears catalogue”
ding!
“now would you unhook me please, I don’t deserve this kind of shabby treatment!”
beeeeeeeeeeeeep
Peggy: Miss me, Al?
Al : With every bullet so far…
Paraphrased, but one of Dan Castellaneta’s best guest appearances ever:
Pete: Your wife is out dancing with my husbnad
Al Bundy: Your husband?
Pete: Yes, my husband.
Al: Your husband?
Pete: Yes
Al: You know you’re a guy, right?
Pete: Yes
Al: Well, you know what that means?
Pete: What?
Al: That’s three guys that don’t want to sleep with Peg.
Fred Sanford: I made a new dip. It’s a mixture of Swiss cheese and Guacamole. I call it “Holy Moly.”
Speaker: …The stately 1992 Latura.
Fry: Hey, my girlfriend had one of those! Actually, it wasn’t hers, it was her dad’s. Actually, she wasn’t my girlfriend, she just lived next door and never closed her curtains.
Leela: Fry, remember when I told you about always ending your stories a sentence earlier?
Just last night, on Powerless:
Van’s father: You are a turd in my toilet and you can’t even swim!
Van: I can float.
Niles is in the hospital and might die; his brother, overwhelmed, prays.
"Hello, God; it’s me…
[brief pause]
…Doctor Frasier Crane."
On THE SIMPSONS (going way, way back): “The Network” is considering their new Fall lineup. A “MARRIED … WITH CHILDREN” clip comes up. “Al” and “Peg” are sitting on their sofa. A toilet is in the middle of the living room, for no apparent reason.
“PEG”: (Whiney) Al, let’s have sex!
“AL”: (Deadpan) No, Peg.
“Al” reaches over and flushes the toilet, for no apparent reason. It goes “KER-WHOOSH,” and the audience erupts in laughter and applause … for no apparent reason.