Funniest Sig Lines! (and other funny quotes)

Every now and again, the funniest thing I’ll see on the boards is someone’s sig line. Recently, the following had me laughing out loud:

“4 out of 3 people don’t understand fractions.”

(I can’t recall the owner of the sig - apologies)

Another funny one from way back:

The mere fact that we have the flamethrower means that someone, somewhere once said “You know, I’d really like to set those people over there on fire, but don’t possess the means to do it”

So, let’s hear the funny quotes and quips worthy of sig lines.

Bosda’s sigs are always work a look :wink:

Here’s some of my faves:

“In conclusion, just let me say this.” - Peter Sellers

“I am like a pool table. I, too, have felt.”

“Being happy is part of being crazy. The reason some people go around smiling all the time is because they’re too stupid to know how miserable everything is.” - Caroll O’Connor (as Archie Bunker)

“Convexion sees between your eyes! Herds of gazelle concave at your feet!” - Surrealist compliment


“Build a man a fire, and he will be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he will be warm for the rest of his life.”

Original owner forgotten, apologies to whoever that might be.

One of my all time favorites. And I also apologize for forgetting the poster.

I used to pray to God to give me a bike. Then I figured out he doesn’t work that way. So I stole one and prayed for forgiveness.

I get the giggles every time I see
Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer
The Power of Christ Compels You!

manduck I believe

to somebody on this board, whoever you are: thanks for posting this one–It’s given me lotsa laffs:

“People are like slinkies — not really good for anything, but you can’t help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs”

My vote goes to Candid Gamera and his sig lines.

I’ve forgotten who had it, but my favorite sig line was: “A good analogy is like… awesome.”

‘Against logic there is no armor like ignorance.’ – Laurence J. Peter

‘There are 10 kinds of people in the world: Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.’

‘I drank what?’ – Socrates (Well, somebody had to post it! :smiley: )

Because 24pt red type is hard to miss… :stuck_out_tongue:

Aww… Thanks! I’ve kept the same one for a while now, but at first I cycled them a lot…

“Where the hell are my socks?” - Me

“If life deals you lemons, make lemonade; if it deals you tomatoes, make Bloody Marys.”

“If you drink don’t park, accidents cause people.”

“Don’t drink and drive. You might hit a bump and spill your drink.”

“What hair color do they put on the driver’s licenses of bald men?”

“The only truly consistent people are dead”


You like me!
You really, really like me!!!

I’d like to thank everybody who made this Academy Award possible… :smiley:

Well, my friend and I were talking about bondage and S&M-type things and then this came up:

There is no spoon.

Terry Pratchett, I believe.

I have quite a collection of these, gathered over the years. Since I stole them myself, anyone who wants one is welcome to it.

“Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes!”
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
Make something idiotproof and somebody will invent a better idiot.
We have enough youth. What we need is a fountain of SMART!
“Beam me aboard, Scotty.” “Sure. Will a 2x4 do?”
All I want is a warm bed, a kind word, and unlimited power.
I am Homer of Borg! Prepare to be…OOooooo! Donuts!!!
A good man has few enemies. A ruthless man has none.
The two most common things in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
Chaos, panic, & disorder - my work here is done.

My brother was telling me this evening about a new cheap-ass $300 computer he bought on a whim. I replied, “You know you’re a geek when a computer is an impulse purchase.”

Long lost to time is the original owner of this sig:

“Strangers have the best candy!”