Kent Brockmans succumbing to the ant overlords reminded me of another funny Brockman moment.
Brockman: Big game fever is reaching a fever pitch as the fevered rivalry between Springfield U. and Springfield A&M spreads like wildfever. [looks offstage] This is writing? Intern: I’m sorry Uncle Kent; I lost my thesaurus. Brockman: [mutters] “My thesaurus” … you’ll lose more than that.
[normal voice] In preparation for the big game, Springfield Stadium has caught additional seating capacity fever. [wads up the paper from which he’s reading in frustration] Rrrgh!
“Oh, so Mother Nature needs a favor? Well maybe she should have thought of that when she was besetting us with droughts and floods and poison monkeys. Nature started the fight for survival and now she wants to quit because she’s losing? Well I say, ‘Hard cheese.’”
One is where Burns decides to have a fire drill at the plant, he activates it and he and Smithers wait outside to time how long it will take to evacuate the plant. Meanwhile inside people are variously praying, running around in circles, bashing other employees with the fire extinguisher, general pandemonium. They cut to the outside, where Burns and Smithers are waiting, Homer runs outside, grabs a bench and wedges it in front of the door so that no one else can get out, and runs up to them saying “I think I won, Mr. Burns!”
The second one is in the one where they go to Flander’s beach house. That episode has a lot of good lines, but my favorite is after Homer has gone to the convenience store and buys
He brings the bag inside, Marge starts umpacking it and says “Homer, whatever you have planned for tonight, count me out!”
I think this is the episode with the Trillion Dollar bill…
Anyways, Burns and Homer are speeding away with it and you see Wiggum in his car. Over the radio comes: “…the suspects are fleeing in a 1926 maroon Stutz Bearcat…” They drive right past him in what is OBVIOUSLY the same car, and probably the only one even close to it left in the world.
FBI Agent: We believe Burns still has that bill hidden somewhere in his house. But all
we’ve ascertained from satellite photos is that it’s not on the roof.
Homer walks in Burns’ kitchen, and is lost by the diversity and complexity of all the equipment. “Hmm… one of these must be a breakfast maker. Well, it’s my job to cook him breakfast, and I’m gonna cook the best damn breakfast he ever ate.”
He tries to cook a shish kebab on the burner. It catches on fire.
He breaks the window of the microwave door, and inserts
another shish kebab. The microwave catches on fire.
As a last resort, he pours some Corn Flakes and milk in a bowl. It catches on fire.
When I saw that the first time, I thought I was going to bring something up from laughing.
Wiggum:…Subject is hatless, repeat hatless!
or
Subject is directly under the Earth’s Sun… Now!
From the episode where Homer’s mother returns.
Wiggum:(Ostensibly talking into a radio) Put out an A.P.B. for a Uosdwis R. Rewoh, Homer J. Simpson upside downbetter start looking in Greek town. Oh! and pick up some of those gyros!
FBI agent: Uh, chief, you’re talking into your wallet.
Mr. Burns (talking to football players) I want you to remember that there’s a little crippled boy in the hospital watching you today. I know this because I crippled him myself just for you.
Cuts to Milhouse in a bodycast at the hospital: I hope they win because Mr. Burns said he’d be back if they didn’t.
Scene: Marge is preparing to take Maggie trick-or-treating. As she asks the kids if they want to go, Homer walks by, looking like crap and eating from a can.
Marge: Oh, Homer, you’re not going as a hobo again?
Homer: Going where?
