Homer wants relationship advice, but doesn’t want Moe to know it’s for himself:
Homer: I got this friend named… uh… Joey… Jo-Jo… Junior… Shabadoo…
Moe: That’s the worst name I ever heard.
Man: That’s my name! [runs out of bar crying]
Barney: Joey Jo-Jo!
In the episode where the cult members try to get Homer to join, the “The leader is good, the leader is great, we surrender our will as of this date” chant doesn’t get Homer, so the members start singing (to the tune of the Batman TV show theme song):
Cult members: Nananananananana Leader,
Nananananananana Leader,
Leader, Leader,
Homer: Batman!
I mean, Leader! I love the Leader!
The sign on Scotland Yard:
What’s all this, then?
The Hank Scorpio episode is the best.
-“Good job, Homer! When you get home… there’s gonna be another story on your house!”
-When Hank’s lair is being invaded by the government and he takes time to talk to Homer about his problems. “If you kill someone on the way out, it would help me a lot!” And then Homer kicks a grenade out of his way as he sullenly walks away.
-When Homer’s looking for some sugar for his coffee, Hank reaches into his pockets and pulls out a few handfuls.
Quite possibly the single wittiest (as opposed to funniest) line:
Marge: “But you liked Rashamon.”
Homer: “That’s not the way I remember it!”
“Remove… the stone of shame!”
“Attach… the stone of triumph!”
In Homer and Apu (I think), there’s a scene taking place in Monstromart (“Where shopping is a baffling ordeal”). Apu wishes to shop here instead of his former employer, the Kwik-E-Mart. Monstromart is one of those warehouse stores where all of the products are super-big (or, as Dennis Miller once put in an ad for something or other, more overkill than using a cruise missle to light a cigarette.) We see Barney walking down an aisle carrying a large keg of Duff and Peptic-Bismol on a forklift, when he sees some large, life-sized Mrs. Butterworths-style humanoid syrup containers. Believing the jar of syrup to be a real person, he asks, “Ma’am, where are the lampshades? Ma’am?” Getting no response (obviously), he taps her on the shoulder. He tapped too hard, it seems: she falls over, dripping syrup onto the floor. “I’ve killed her!” Barney shouts. “It’s all happening again!” Panicking, Barney runs through the store, right into a giant display of cranberry juice. The bottles shatter. Barney is seen running through another aisle, followed by a tidal wave of cranberry juice. The Pimply-Faced Teen is smothered in the juice pool, then climbs up on an unbroken bottle and shouts, “It’s cran-tastic!”
I don’t know why this scene makes me laugh so much, but it does.
Patrick Stewart’s role in that episode is one of the funniest guest-shots ever.
“Tonight is the 1500th anniversary of the founding of our society and in celebration of this momentous occasion… we’re havin’ ribs!”
“And now the final ritual; the paddling of the swollen ass… with paddles!”
“Now let’s get drunk and play ping-pong!”
For sheer Homer-scale inappropriateness, it’s hard to beat this one:
[scene]
Stephen Hawking: Silence. I don’t need anyone to talk for me, except this voice box. You have clearly been corrupted by power. For shame.
Homer: Larry Flynt is right! You guys stink!
[/scene]
God, Homer is funny…
Actually, it was a nail (he was trying to build a doghouse). When he stepped on it, I believe his line was:
Homer: "Must…kill…Moe…WEEEEEEE!
or
When Lisa tricks Bart and Homer into thinking they have leprosy.
::doorbell rings::
Flanders: Well, hi-didd- YEAARRGH!
::slams door::
Bart and Homer (scratching at door): BRRRAIINNNS…BRRAAIINS…
Homer: Use your brains to help us…your delicious brains
I also love the end of the scene:
Flanders: Well kids, looks like we’re having an imaginary christmas this year.
Rod and Tod: YAY!
Homer: Hello, is this NASA?
Scientist: Yes?
Homer: Good! Listen. I’m sick of your boring space launches. Now I’m just an ordinary, blue-collar slob, but I know what I likes on TV.
Scientist: How did you get this number?
Homer: Shut up! And another thing: how come I can’t get no Tang 'round here?
I don’t remember which episode it was:
The Krusty brand Home Pregnancy Testing Kit that carried the legend Warning - may cause birth defects.
There are way way way WAY too many to pick one. With that in mind, the first time I saw the daredevil one where Homer keeps falling down the cliff I actually died laughing (I got better). Almost every (good) episode has at least one Best Moment Ever, but that cliff thing trancsends language.
Oh, come on people… learn to google and cite your references!!
Mine has to be when Bart nominates his teacher to the Teacher of the Year award. They have a shot of the Teacher of the year award building, and then pan over to the right, where the “Substitute Teacher of the Year” award building lies in flames and vandalized.
http://www.springfieldparadise.com/resume/eabf02/118.jpg
Definately a great shot, even if only a 2 second joke.
Homer vs. Homer’s brain:
Homer’s Brain: Don’t say “revenge”. Don’t say “revenge”.
Homer: Uh, revenge?
Homer’s Brain: That’s it, I’m gettin’ out of here. [sound of retreating footsteps, door slamming]
Claims adjuster: It says here you were at “Moe’s”. Is that a business of some sort?
Homer’s Brain: Don’t say it’s a bar. Ooooh, but what else is open this late?
Homer: It’s a pornography store. I was buying pornography.
Homer’s Brain: Heh-heh. I woulda never thought of that.
As a whole, it wasn’t as funny an episode as it should have been, but the episode where Homer had the Helper Monkey. Really, it all builds up to the one scene at the end. After having the monkey for a few days, getting it fat and drunk, Homer drops it back off at the labratory, and speeds away. A scientist comes out and sees the monkey, named Mojo, laying on the stoop. The scientist pulls out a Speak And Spell and asks Mojo, “Mojo! What happened?!”
Mojo types on the Speak And Spell for a moment. Then the Speak And Spell says, “Pray For Mojo.”
Cracks me up, just to think about it.
…Okay. Honorable mention.
The NRA episode where Homer buys a gun. He walks into the Kwik-E-Mart with the gun. Abu puts up his hands and says, “Oh, Homer. Please don’t rob me.”
Homer’s Brain: “Hmmm. Where would I be if I robbed the Kwik-E-Mart?”
Scenes of Homer sipping a Mint Julip on the porch of a southern mansion, with a sash saying “Governor” on it, while Marge dances like a Go-Go Girl.
Back to reality, Homer is already in his car and driving away. Homer says, “Doh! I’ll rob it next time.”
Hehe!