Funny Little Brainfarts

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
21

Embarrassing one here - I was telling someone their username and said it En Sue No. And she was sweet enough to go along with me and call it that too. Of course it was ensueno which I do know is a word. :smack: It’s not a heavily Spanish area up here though, so I wasn’t in that mode of thinking.

And speaking of sunglasses, I didn’t see mine in their traditional spot in the glove comparment and got all frazzled. “I loved those, they fit just right and looked OK, where did they go? Did I lend them to someone or leave them in a bag? I will need to scour the house for those.” Of course I forgot all about the scouring plan by the time I got in the house (OK, actually it was five minutes after thinking I should do it). A couple of days later I noticed, this Impulse Red Corolla has a special little drawer just for sunglasses and imagine that, I had put it to its intended use. :smack:

22

Oh yeah? What about eggplants?

One of my favorites is when I decide I want to watch TV, so I grab the remote and hit the power button… which turns off the TV because it was already on.

23

I do graphic design work on Mac computers, and I frequently use the apple+z (undo) command when I’ve made a change I don’t like. Last year, I was cleaning up the office a bit and moved something from one spot to another. As soon as I’d put it down, I realized it was better off left where it was, and my first reaction was to hit apple+z to undo the move. I think my fingers were already trying to hit the keys when I realized that it doesn’t work in real life.

24

My Dad has a routine on Saturday mornings. Sleeps in a little, gets up, reads the paper, eats breakfast, pays bills, drives Mom’s car-- Mom rides along with him-- to the post office, the farmer’s market (in season), the bread place (Great Harvest), etc.

Recently, Mom was opted out of the errand running portion of the routine for some reason.

No big, but Dad took his car. While out, it started drizzling. He attempts to turn on the windshield wipers and they just don’t work right.

Then he realized that although it was Saturday, he was in his car, and changed his approach to the windshield wipers. Success!

25

Have you ever tried to make a call on your cell phone and dialed 9 to get an outside line?

I have.

26

Similar past thread. Some good stuff there.

New contribution: not me, but my girlfriend.

This past weekend, she and I took her mother shopping. My girlfriend was driving; her mother was in the back seat. At our second or third stop, we parked in the lot, and sat in the car for a minute or two, strategizing. Then we jumped out and headed into the store.

Almost an hour later, my girlfriend and I come back out to the car with our purchases; her mother is still inside, in line. We push the cart up behind the car, and I notice an occasional puff of steam from her car’s exhaust. I point it out. She asks, is that bad? I shrug; depends.

Meanwhile, she’s digging around in her purse for her keys. Pats her coat pockets. Digs in her purse again. Asks me if she gave the keys to me; I say no, but pat my own pockets. As she’s taking off her coat to root through it, I step to the passenger window and look inside the car.

Bad news: the keys are there, hanging from the ignition.

Good news: the car door is not locked.

Bad news: the car is running, and has been the whole time.

Me, to my girlfriend: “Uh…”

Her mother appeared a minute or so later, and found us nearly doubled over in laughter.
And of course I have been texting her regularly: Hey, baby, you did remember to turn off your car when you got to work this morning, right? Kisses!

27

Both of these happened during periods of mild sleep deprivation. One time I was making a bowl of cereal and I went to put the milk away. Problem was, I was gonna put it in the cupboard. I guess I would have put the cereal in the fridge. Good thing my brain stopped me. The other thing was when I was in the shower. I tend to brush my teeth in the shower. I know that’s not completely normal but it’s a habit. Anyway, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to shampoo or brush first. I got the brush and then picked up the bottle of shampoo and positioned it next to the bristles and…well, I sorta froze and stared at it for about 5 seconds or so. The gears turned. Taste buds spared.

28

Me too. I also all too frequently answer my home landline with “<EmployerName>, this is <RealName>, may I help you?”. Fortunately, my mom thinks it’s funny, and telemarketers are the only other people who call my landline.

The dishwasher needs both water and detergent to run properly.

29

Have you ever tried to use your office phone as a ten-key calculator, or vice versa?

I feel a tiny bit better knowing some of my co-workers have too.

30

I regularly point the car unlock remote at the front door of the house expecting to hear the “ker-chunk” of an unlocking deadbolt. It’s happened often enough that Celtling giggles when I do it.

31

I’ll also brainfart and seem to think my cell phone is just a wireless handset for a landline, so I’ll press the “green”/dial-this-number (or, with my iphone, go to the phone touchpad), then hold the phone to my ear to hear a dialtone.

Der.

32

Excellent way to end a phone call with a judge:

“Okay, goodbye. Love you.”

33

A couple weeks ago I made asparagus as a side dish. I put the rest of the cleaned and dried asparagus in a Ziploc bag.

The next night I reached into the pantry to grab a Ziploc for another item.

Of course, my hand came out with the asparagus filled bag from the night before.

34

I’ve lost an object or something around the house before and thought “I’ll just do a search for it”. As in google search, or ctrl-F. I get a little sad when I realize it’s impossible.

35

Is that the one that comes after 3th, and before 5nd?

Wouldn’t it be great if it did?

I often will be reading an article in a magazine or newspaper and want to copy and paste it to IM it to a friend, and instantly move my hands to “Ctrl+C” before I have to stop myself.

36

Oh good Christ.

I’d be embarassed if I weren’t laughing so hard.

37

Most recently I’ve attempted to dial my phone from my computer keyboard.

38

I will quite often look for my main pair of sunglasses, only to give up after 10 or so minutes, grab my backup pair and rest them on my head while I walk out the door. This is when I find my main pair. On my head.

In jr high I took a government elective course. One warm sunny spring day, I fell asleep in the back of the room in a sunbeam. I woke up and realized that my class was discussing Benson. I chimed in with “my mom watches that show all the time!”, not knowing at the time there was a real senator named Benson.

My mom’s phone number is a two digit prefix, such as 112. I have a couple of friends whose prefix is the equivalent of 122. Once in a while I will miss dial my mom with the “122” prefix, and the correct suffix. On the other end is always a very nice woman who sounds exactly like my mother. About the third time I did this, it took a full 3 or 4 minutes of conversation before I realized I had dialed the wrong number. I don’t think I can every tell my mom.

Last one… Last year, I was still working 2nd shift. My wife called to say she was sick along with the kids, so I busted to get out of work. Before I left, I send an email to all the production heads that I gave tooling support to, along with the front line lead personnel, saying that I was leaving and sorry for the inconvenience. I had auto spell correct turned on in my email, and I spelled inconvenience so poorly, it changed it to incontinence. Oh the heckling I received.

I could go on and on with these. I have only now learned to let these things go, and not get hung up thinking everyone thinks I am an idiot. It only took 32 years:smack:

39

I took something similar as a sign that I’d been playing WOW for a long time. I’ve been having to travel to Redding a lot due to family stuff. It’s about a four hour drive. Last time, as I was tooling my way home, a little voice in the back of my head started wondering when I’d find the flight point.

40

I do this a lot, too. I’m thinking I should just get a keyless remote for the house but then I’d just mix the car and house ones up all the time and get mad when they don’t work.

I often put something in the microwave, walk away for a while then go back to get my food from the microwave by opening the refrigerator.

I’m sorry, I can’t stop laughing at that one.