Funny word mix-ups

You know how sometimes when you’re talking, you accidentally mix around the first letters in words? Like for instance, you might say “chite wear” when you really meant to say “white chair”.
One time a friend of mine was saying how he had been hauling “bay hales” all day. My boyfriend and I stared at him in silence for a good 10 seconds then burst out laughing!

Just last week, my friend and I went into a dollar store. She saw some glass rocks that she wanted to put in her fish tank. She was showing them to her grandma and what she tried to say was “Look, these rocks are fish-shaped”, but what really came out was “Look, these rocks are shit faced!”

What are some funny mix-ups you’ve heard people say?

On several occasions, if someone has told me they’re getting a trim, I’ve said “how cut are you shorting it?”

These are spoonerisms, no?

I often come out with “pish pun” rather than “push pin.”

When my aunt was selling some trousers that had belonged to her husband who’d died, there was no tag noting the size. When she told a prospective buyer they were size 34 and he asked how she knew that, she said, “I weasured the maist.” Her two children were falling off their chairs laughing, and she repeated this a couple times before she realized what she’d said.

My best friend in high school were drunk, very drunk. I do not recall the conversation, but it had something to do with food and must have been a humorous story to begin with.

Mid-sentence, I blurted out “spittle loons” and it was all over for us. I was crying from the pain in my belly and she actually pissed herself. Which of course, started the uncontrollable laughter all over again.

She was the president of the yearbook committee in senior year. Under my photo read “spittle loons"

Dave Allen At Large had a bit about Spoonerisms… The guy (Spooner I think) was at a university in England giving a toast… What came out was:

Lets all glaze our rasses and toast the queer dean!

Of course… Considering the source it may well be a falsehood.

My mother is the queen of the word mix up!

The one that made me laugh until I cried was when she was talking about the Dixie Chicks, and she said, and I can’t even type it without laughing, Chixie Dicks! Hillarity ensues, ans we all fall to the ground laughing!

Another gem was when she said that her “**It butthes/b]” ( butt itches)

When one is fouled in basketball, I cannot keep myself from saying they get a three fro.