I just wanted to correct this bit - no, she’s not a big deal in the UK, she’s a former nobody, who’s a big deal this week after the email went viral, and will probably go back to being a nobody again when the next funny hits YouTube.
Until then, let’s laugh at her in photos of big (under)pants and wonder what on earth gives her the right to criticise anyone else!
Oh, I see - the step-MIL is a self-righteous bitch who’s finishing-school education didn’t take. She clearly dislikes future DIL and was trying to get her digs in. Hope the tactic backfires.
The future MIL, by writing to her son’s fiancee, has demonstrated what a gutless wonder she is. Didn’t even have the courage to speak to the young woman face to face.
Sure, the fiance sounds as if she may be clueless in the etiquette department, if the criticisms are valid. But she didn’t sound rude on purpose.
The writer already hates her future DIL. This does not bode well for the marriage.
I once witnessed, before a wedding, the MIL trying to pick a fight with the bride. It was where the reception was being set up. The poor bride kept backing off, and the older woman kept getting angrier and angrier when she couldn’t get a rise out of her. So she walks over to where the cake is being set up and rams her fist across it, causing a lot of damage to a lovely cake. The caterers had to hold back the baker from attacking the woman.
When her husband was summoned his first words were “What has she done now?” He obviously knew his wife was bonkers. She was allowed to attend the wedding, but not the reception.
If you add in the stuff about the diabetes, this is no longer a story about etiquette. It’s just a story about a psycho stepmother.
I loved that series - Hyacinth would have been mortified to confront someone so directly, she would have bitched out her husband [and if they had the son in question him] not the fiancee. She was a snob, but she maintained the outer face of propriety. I actually loved the neighbors, the goat episode was cute.
Sounds about right. I will be willing to bet that this is not the first time son has had problems with step monster flipping out. This is just the first time it went public.
I think what probably happened is fiance takes advantage of weekend to sleep in, breakfast was probably something loaded with sugar, not enough protein. To be polite fiance avoided the sugary crap, went back for more eggs and bacon which offended step monster, then while out for the morning had the glucose tank down to 50 or 60, came close to passing out and explained it to step monster that it was because there was too much sugar in the breakfast. Step monster abhorred the issue of fiance almost passing out and being told that it was because she couldn’t eat the right stuff … so step monster gets pissed off and penis ensues when the snarky email gets out.
For me, this is the bottom line.
We actually don’t know to what extent the MIL’s complaints stem from legitimately questionable actions. For all we know, and this would not surprise me, everything the MIL wrote is exaggerated, taken out of context, or based on hearsay. Some of it might even be fabricated entirely. In any case, that email violates the very spirit of what manners are for, as astorian articulates succinctly above. Nothing the fiancee is accused of comes close to the egregious violation of manners exhibited by that email, especially if you read the whole thing.
My opinion: MIL (step-MIL?) is clearly a social climber who thinks that perfectly proper behavior is the distiguisher of the higher classes. Wrong. She obviously wanted someone wealthier for her son, and has no clue what that would really have meant to all their lives. I’m betting the snotty lady’s father was a tradesman.
Now I’ll go see what the Dopers have said above.
Naw, I’m not nearly so generous with step-monster - I’ve met complete, underhanded plotters in my life who positively enjoy screwing with people who have actual medical problems. I wouldn’t be surprised if she deliberately supplied mostly sugary crap, flew off the handle when fiancee tried to eat properly, the whole “you don’t take seconds, you wait until they are offered” can be a passive-aggressive means of denying someone food, and then when financee is on the verge of passing out and begging for food, a drink, whatever step monster gets to beat up on her AGAIN about “unreasonable” demands. All this because either the person in question gets off on abusing others, or is trying to drive off someone, or in this case, perhaps trying to convince step-son that fiancee is weak, ill, whining, and high-maintenance. Or maybe a bit of all of the above.
Yes, that is speculation on my part, I have no proof, but it sure wouldn’t surprise me.
I base that on a variety of characters I’ve met in my life
There was the scout leader who would decide that some girls in the troop were too fat (this was an anorexic making these decisions, so basically anyone showing a sign of boobs was a target) and simply did not allow us to eat lunch for two days. Or she tried to - the other mom along put a stop to that. She tried it again when we stayed at a horse farm - those girls who got up for pre-dawn “barn-duty” and fed, watered, and groomed four horses apiece were informed they had missed breakfast (nevermind tradition there was that barn duty girls were served breakfast and got firsts before anyone else, in return for their work and early rising) and would simply do without until lunch, and they were fat and stank. The other moms along put a stop to THAT, too, and the farm director, when she got wind of it, booted Anorexic Leader off the property.
There have been a half dozen people in my life who, when informed of my food allergies, have either “snuck” bits of allergens into food they served me to to “prove” I didn’t really have an allergy (one such trip resulted in various ejected bodily wastes/fluids all over her guest bathroom and a call to 9/11 - the hostess blamed ME. Really, I’m quite happy she never contacted me again), or else they serve up a dinner composed entirely of off-limit foods, wave each dish in front of my nose saying “OH! Doesn’t that smell delicious! OH, wait - you can’t have any. You poor thing. You can’t eat anything, can you?” then I have to make do with a roll and butter or crackers (if I’m lucky) while everyone else eats. And, oh yes, told I’m demanding, picky, insisting on being the center of attention, difficult, hysterical, delusional, etc. How dare I inconvenience the host! Well, honey, if my presence is that much a trial don’t invite me!
Then there are the bullshit games my in-laws play with the family diabetics (the family is half-Native, there are a LOT of diabetics). A lot of it involves either food denial (you can’t have seconds, you have to watch your weight) while giving others seconds and thirds, and forcing sugar-filled deserts on them. As in, taking near-mortal offense that a diabetic isn’t eating a huge slice of sugar-laden pie with ice cream on top because, you know, Aunt Tilly made it herself (hmmm… Aunt Tilly puts Wal-Mart price tags on her homebaked treats?).
We won’t get into people who steal medication from their relatives, but I know for a fact they exist. Certain relatives, if we visit, we keep any prescription medications locked in our car and no, we will NOT loan you the keys so you can move our car for us so you can get in or out or X,Y, Z, we’ll do it ourselves.
The step-monster just reminds me so vividly of those sorts that I have to wonder if she is one herself. Sending a totally snarky, hurtful e-mail full of jabs and snipes is exactly the sort of thing such a self-righteous hypocrite would do.
OH, please - I work with tradesmen. I’ve met plenty of tradesmen and their offspring who have manners and class and who know how to properly conduct themselves in a variety of social situations.
From what I’ve heard, step-monster WAS sent to finishing school - it just didn’t take.
I think the point is that step-monster considers tradesmen to be a lower class and doesn’t want to be reminded of her lowly start in life.
Precisely. She is pointedly trying to represent herself as one who knows what those who own castles would/wouldn’t do. She seems to be trying very hard to differentiate between herself and the bride’s family.
Further reading shows that both she and Freddie-dearest own their own shops.
Hmmmmnn.
If I had plans, I would tell the guest ahead of time, something along the lines of:
Hey arsehole malingerer - I will be going shopping 9, you coming or you wanna stay and guard the house?
Or maybe - hey early bird, I will be working late tonight, so tomorrow nobody will be about till 11 or so, but if you wanna go out for a walk - knock youself out. but please don’t use the front gate, it squeaks like a bastard and will wake me up.
In my wife’s family, staying at a hotel instead of their house would be considered an insult.
Valid criticisms (with the possible exception of the sleeping late one. I can’t IMAGINE expecting my guests to get up at the same time I do, or conversely staying in bed until I’m up). Sending her a vicious letter like that? Just as crass and tacky as she accuses her future DIL of being.
I mean, there are much classier ways to teach someone manners. Much more subtle ways. If the DIL was doing those things, why not gently address it at that time? Possibly even with humor? I also wonder why her son didn’t give the girl some lessons, I mean he grew up in the house, surely he would have known.
Something like (only all fancy and English like :D), “sorry sweets, thems the breaks, but do feel free to bring in any special diet foods you like, we’ll make room in the fridge for you”. Or “honey, perhaps being too loud and overbearing isn’t the best way to get the best type of attention. Here’s a more ladylike way…” etc.
From the MIL’s complaints, the DIL sounds like the very epitome of the “ugly American” though (she is American right?).
There are no Americans in this story.
Note: There is concern that the whole thing might be a PR stunt for the groom’s wedding catering service, though as of yet, the evidence for this is not overpowering.
According to the article with the naughty facebook pics, linked above, MIL’s father is a physicist. No idea how close that might be to trade.
True, but I think Anaamika**'s** point was that you don’t tell the host WHY you don’t want something, as the associated bodily functions aren’t suitable topics for discussion…!
(The number of times I explain to the kids that talking about sick and poo at the dinner table is not a great thing to do…!)
I’m going with this. That’s how these things always turn out.
I’m going for PR stunt, at this stage. The whole thing always sounded like a scene from an English manners novel. However, it was just plausible enough that I assumed it was real.
Then when you learn that the MIL is actually someone modern and cool enough to have photos of a bunch of guys in her kitchen showing their (censored) cocks, and of her dancing and holding up a pair of oversized knickers it begins to fall apart. There is just no way someone like that can also be someone with a stick up her arse and ancient frosty manners sufficient to write that email and mean it.
Then we learn that the groom to be is starting a marriage business, and whaddayaknow right after the whole thing goes viral he releases this fact and gets the name of his new business in every paper in the UK.
We’ve been set up, I think. The MIL is a good sport who played along with the joke to help her son in law to be. Look at the photos of her and her hijinks and tell me this isn’t far more believable than that she is the stiff necked toffee nosed MIL from hell.