Gah! GAAAAAH! (the biggest ant I've ever seen)

I admit it, I have a phobia of bugs. Insects, spiders, whatever. Anything small with more than two legs that crawls, creeps, flies or stings. I have an irrational panic and disgust response when I see (or worse, feel) them.

Yesterday I saw the biggest ant ever. In my condo. On my wall. Just crawling around like he owned the place. I’ve never seen a local ant this big. I ran to get a length of TP to pick him up with, but by the time I got back he was gone. Hiding. Waiting. Plotting.

I was uneasy, but after about five minutes of looking I couldn’t find him. Oh shit.

shiver of disgust

Just now, today, I’m typing happily on compy. I feel a “tickle” on my wrist.

Except, “oh shit, that tickle is moving

I look down to see an ant, probably two inches long (I exaggerate because that’s what it feels and looks like to the panicked brain) crawling along my wrist and arm.

Ah! AAAAAAHHHHH! FUCK YOU, ANT!

Got him finally. After an entirely masculine (I hope (wish?)) scream, a frantic brushing off of said arm, a run to the bathroom to grab TP, and a frenzied hunt that ended with Mr. Ant crushed and flushed.

But what if there are more?

shudder

God, I really just don’t get along with bugs.

Guess I shouldn’t tell you all about the movie I’ve been watching (Them!). :smiley:

I opened this thread to see the pictures. Where are the pictures?

You and me both. :frowning:

It’s an ant. Of course there are more. Many more. Thousands more.

Well, GameHat, I heard your scream clear over here and I assure you it was very manly.

The following “eeegetitoffame GETITOFFAMEE AAAAAAHHHH HELLLLP I WANT MY MOMMYYYYYYY!!!” not so much :stuck_out_tongue:

If you need help IDing the not-so-little bugger, may I suggest antweb.

Here.

If it’s a Carpenter Ant, you may have real problems ahead … they tend to be large and found indoors.

I wonder if it’s one of Them!

Hundreds of thousands. Waiting to carry you off in your sleep…

I was thinking velvet ant. Was it red and black, and fuzzy? Be careful of it, if so. They’re actually wingless wasps, and they pack an extremely painful sting (they’re also known as “cowkillers”, if that gives you any idea.)

How do you know it’s Mr. Ant, and not Mrs. Queen Ant?

Why don’t you relax with a nce movi8e, like Them!, or Empire of the Ants (with Joan Colins!) Or a nice book, like Howard Fast’s The Giant Ant.

AUGH like there aren’t enough problems in the world already. VELVET ANT? That is the most ridiculous name for a deadly, deadly beast.

It’s pretty for a bug, though.

Size does not matter much in the ant kingdom.

Fire ants are tiny and they are much worse to run across, especially in your house. When we lived in Texas we had them coming indoors through the electrical outlets (they are attracted to electricity for some perverse reason). And of course one of life’s great joys is standing outdoors in your garden admiring the scenery, feeling a slight pinch on your ankle and looking down to see that you are standing on a fire ant mound and roughly 200 of them are angrily ascending your leg, about to sting the crap out of you.

I don’t miss doing the Fire Ant Dance.

Yeah, I grew up in Montgomery, Alabama. I remember the fire ant dance well. Trivia: unlike most ants, which bite and then spray formic acid onto the wound to produce irritation, fire ants actually directly inject an exotic alkaloid venom, and the sneaky little bastards will climb all over you, and then pass a pheromone signal, causing all the ants to bite at the same time.

I once got 12-15 fire ant bites on one hand and even that little bit of exposure drove me nuts with itching and pain for two weeks. I can’t even imagine how bad it is for a real case.

This morning, the ants got revenge.

I should preface by saying that my vision is quite poor. I’m quite near-sighted.

So I’m in the shower this morning. I wash my face first (facing showerhead), then scrub the ol’ body (still facing showerhead). Time to wash my hair, but I need to around to get my whole head wet.

Through my blurry vision, I see what looks to be like a black dime on the wall of the shower. Huh, that’s funny. Then it moves. I fear the worst, but lean in close to see:

It’s one of the same ants. I’d swear this one raised one of its front legs to give me the insect equivalent of the finger.

:eek:

Then tonight I found four more. At least I’m getting a bit used to them. And at least they’re not as disgusting as cockroaches nor as terrifying as spiders.

But it seems I may have a problem. Off to the hardware store tomorrow, to buy all the poison I can.

Ants, hear this. I will kill you. I will execute every motherf***ing last one of you, because you always make me jump like a little girl when I see you crawling on my desk.

There are no pictures because pictures of “the biggest ant I’ve ever seen” would kill most of you. You would asphyxiate from laughter. They’re actually pretty small - harmless, I assume. Carpenter ants, maybe? I just really have a strong, lizard-brain gut panic reaction to anything that’s small and crawly. Especially when it’s crawling on me.