Gambling Problem - Need advice.

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

I don’t know where to post this, so I figured this is the best place.

As far as I see it, my SO has a gambling problem…she loves going to Bingo. Now its not like she goes there every night, but she usually goes everyweekend. Regardless of our finacial situation at that time. (She’s put is in pretty hot water before.)

Any way, I call her today at home, as she is at home sick today, to get things ready for our day out tomorrow…no answer…I call again…no answer.

I figured she’s gotta be sleeping…so I call again…and again…and again…and so on.

She obviosly isn’t home so I call her friends. (She sometimes goes there if she is at home during the day.)She says she isn’t there.

SO now I’m sitting here stewing wondering where she is…then the though occurred to me…“Has she gone to bingo?” I didn’t think she would do that…she KNOWS to ask/let me know first as she knows I HATE her going.

<Flash back…I played on a baseball team and came home early one weekend…she wasn’t home and I caught her a bingo…I gave her shit and she told me that she was going to tell me that she went…[yeah right])

So, I dig up the bingo halls number and low and behold…there she is!

I obviously go mad. She said that she wasn’t paying and a friend was treating her…but ya know what? I don’t
believe her! (She’s supposed to be home sick!!!)

I know she’ll say she was going to tell me that she went, but ya know what? I DON’T BELIEVE HER!

(Do the math…she tells me everytime she goes and the only times she goes first and then has the intention of telling me are the times I catch her…I’m not buying it…)
Anyone else been in this situation? How can I explain to her that Bingo=Gambling??? How do I get her to stop? (Or at least not go so much???)

Help!!!

2

Man, that’s tough. I don’t know much about addition, but what I do know is that she won’t quit until she’s ready, and that she first has to accept/admit that she has a problem. I hope she gets help of some kind. I know there are Gamblers’ Anonymous type organizations out there. Maybe they can help.

3

First off, here is a link for you:
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/

and here is the standard questionaire that they use to evaluate if someone has a gambling problem:
http://www.gamblersanonymous.org/20questions.html

Some of those questions are:

Did you ever lose time from work or school due to gambling?
Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
Did gambling affect your reputation?
Have you ever felt remorse after gambling?
Did you often gamble until your last dollar was gone?
Did you ever borrow to finance your gambling?
Were you reluctant to use “gambling money” for normal expenditures?
Did gambling make you careless of the welfare of yourself or your family?

If she is gambling when she cannot afford to, sneaking around to do it, and denying that she has a problem, maybe you can call gamblers anonymous and find out how they recommend handling it. Bingo is paying money to take a chance at winning a monetary prize. That is what gambling is.

Here is a link for gam-anon, a support group for people who are dealing with a loved one who has a gambling problem:
http://www.gam-anon.org/

By the way, does she play bingo at a church type setting or a casino? (Just curious)

Good luck to you both.

Zette

4

How much money is she blowing on bingo a month?

5

I have a gambling problem, too. I never win.

Sorry. Couldn’t resist. :smiley:

6

Hey all just thought I’d give you a quick update…

I had a great sit-down talk with her today about this. We had a break through…she has finally admitted that she has a gambling problem. (As far as I am concerned…that’s a BIG step.)

She finally came to terms with this when I told her how I felt and that I couldn’t stay in this situation if it continued.

We’ve sat down and put a plan together to get our selves out of the debt she caused and she’s given me her solemn word that she is not going back. (G.A. will be a consideration if she find it to hard.)

I’m feeling much better now and I’d like to thank all of you guys who responded.

Zette:
Thanks so much for the links!!!

Wonko:
She was blowing about $80CDN a sitting…sometime went twice a night. She usually went every weekend so that’s about 4 to 700 a month. (DAMN! I never did the math before now…thats a whack o cash!!!)

rastahome:
Prick. :slight_smile: No worries. I’m a good sport. I too try to find the humor in awkward situation. :wink:

Thanks again guys/gals.

7

Whoops! That should have been ‘rastahomie’.
Sorry dude.

8

TroubleAgain:
Thanks for your support too, buddy. :wink:

I feel confident that things are gonna be fine (Or at least a bit better) now she she herself has seen the situation from the ‘outside’.

9

Yow! I did not know you could play bingo with that much cash at a time! I am unwise in the ways of bingo though. I’m mostly a slot machine man- anywhere from four to forty dollars a sitting, once or twice every year or so. My addictive weakness lies in cigarettes. Good luck **Doubleclick!

10

Okay…personal experience from someone who has been there. As someone with a gambling problem, who lost virtually everything I had because of it, I can offer a bit of advice here, and feel like I know what I am talking about.

Doubleclick compulsive gambling is a very strong force. I was not a bingo player, I was a full fledged, high stakes addict. It took losing most of what I had to wake my happy ass up. For me, it really wasnt the money I was hooked on, it was the excitement. And I think that is true for most compulsive gamblers.

My husband (from here on out we will refer to him as the saint, if only because he stuck by me) tried so many different things to get me to stop. Threats, kindness, bribes…anything and everything. Much like drinking, I would swear it off, and then the urge would hit me, and I would be off again. Cash in hand. When the “incident” happened (suffice it to say that it is far too depressing and brings back too many memories for me to get into it) the saint was ready to take the kids and leave. Thank goodness he didn’t. Give your wife all the support you can. If she has already admitted her problem, thats a good thing. As harsh as it sounds,it might be a good idea for a while if you keep very careful control of the family money. Take away her check book, her credit cards…I know…it sounds dreadful, but until she gets a handle on her problem, it will be best for her and for you. I can remember countless nights driving home, talking to myself. “What the hell were you doing? What is wrong with you?”
Playing cards was the one thing I truly truly enjoyed doing. I couldnt bring myself to give it up, even though I knew I had a problem with it. It was over a year before I broached the subject with the saint, and asked him if I could please go out and play. He knows, of course, how much I enjoy it. He sat me down and we had a talk. He took my checkbook, he took my credit cards, he took my ATM card,and he handed me 40 bucks. I remember telling him that I could barely start playing with 40. He only had to look at me once to make me shut up, and take my 40. He told me to be home by midnight, and to have a good time. I was, and I did. I still go about twice a month, but I have learned to control it. I leave the checkbook at home…I take only cash, and the Saint still controls how much I can take. I have to admit to hating that, but I also know myself, and what I am capable of in a gambling induced stupor.

If your wife still wants to keep playing bingo, you need to be very strict with her about when she can go, and how much money she can take with her. Hell, go with her. YOU buy the cards. It can be controlled. It just takes a firm hand, and a lot of love. Just ask the Saint.

11

It’s amazing how much money one can blow at these things.

I to only play slots and only do it once a year…if that.

I quit smoking, but believe me, I had a couple this weekend…

Thanks dude…I’m pretty sure things will turn out ok. <Trying to be optimistic.>

12

We have agreed that she is not to go for at least the next 6 months. From there, she can go again, but only once a month.

I’ll also let her go in special situations. Like taking the big trip to Buffalo for the huge Bingo game they hold down there. And this is something she has to save for…if she doesn’t have the money she doesn’t go.

I don’t think I’ll be joining her at a bingo session anytime soon…not my type of crowd…to many old people. :slight_smile:

13

Yahoo has bingo online for no money.

If its the game she needs a taste of let her play online a bit. If its the social aspect, get some friends over for M&M poker. (or something)

If its the “I need to chance money” listen to the people who have a clue. I’m just trying to get some other options out there.

Good to hear it sounds like a comprimise can be found.