lol… well, I’m Lili_Marlene on lavalife, as of two days ago. I appreciate the help.
As for the reluctance to e-mail some one first… it’s partially not wanting to seem desparate and partially not wanting to be rejected, I suppose. But really, what does it matter if a stranger doesn’t like me, right? I’m working myself up to actually e-mailing someone.
I definately need to work on my profile though. My tagline sucks.
Heh, I just took a look (yeah, I’ll admit it) and I found this (NSFW). If you make it through all the vulgarity, the last paragraph makes it worthwhile. Hit 'em up!
And Rebekkah, I’m about to be going through it right along with you. Best of luck!
You’re on a dating site because you’re looking for a man, he’s on the dating site because he’s looking for a woman - not a lot of guesswork here. 
Email every likely candidate you see. Seriously. It’s a lot like posting here - I was so nervous the first couple times I posted, and now it’s just a lot of fun. It’s a unique thrill to come home from work and there are five emails in your inbox from new guys. Go for it!
I’m a guy, and I would love for a woman to email me on one of those sites. It’s happened infrequently, and mostly from women on other continents. When I do get an email from someone, I almost always reply and see where it leads. Usually nowhere though, in all honesty–just like when I start them.
You might wanna try this. Instead of sending some guy a real long letter, just send a quick little note. Something like…“Hey, I really like that cd you mentioned, when’s their next one coming out??” …something not so obvious…maybe?? Guys are so used to sending out dozens of messages and getting nothing in return that when they do gets something, they’re sure to respond.
Then again, taking advice from me about dating is like taking advice from…well, you know. 
Lest I confuse anyone when I check in on this thread, I’ve changed my user name
I can’t address the current state of online dating, but I did meet my husband online way back in 1996.
Wish you were in Minnesota, though. Have a friend who is in the same boat!
Ok, so I signed up on lavalife (my current user name is the same on that site)…
I made the mistake of filling out the intimate profile.
I didn’t realize this was a license for virtually illiterate men to solicite me for no strings attached sex.
Good lord.
Were, oh were are you, my geeky, dark haired male who wouldn’t send a woman an anonymous IM that reads “water is boiling babe”…
Jeepers, I hate cuddling as much as the next girl, but a little finesse helps sometimes!
(rapidly becoming frustrated with online dating)
apparently learning how to spell where, that’s where. Stupid fingers.
/duh.
Oy indeed! Lili Marlene, run, don’t walk, out of that lavalife-section. I’ve been there, by mistake, like you, and it made me feel dirt-cheap.
Well, if you ever move to Ottawa, I’ll introduce you to a really good friend of mine. (employed, even!) Otherwise, I got nothing.
… man, I hope I never have to do this whole “dating” thing.
Wow, I don’t even know what that means.
And you have to pay for each message there, right?? Just think, he paid to send you that.
The problem you’re having is very common. It’s that you’ve set your expectations too high. Set them lower. Lower… Still lower… a little lower… there! Now keep 'em there. Anything that exceeds these expectations now is probably good for a first date.
Carry on.
Funny, funny, funny.
“My water is boiling babe”?
And, anonymous message from a guy asking to meet for a cuddle and a backrub?
My creepoutometer went up. Maybe my standards are too high.
My standards:
Must be employed or self-sufficient (I won’t pay your rent)
Must bathe
Must be literate
Why is this so g_d damned hard?