The subject heading is a definite question and a darn perplexed one at that. A fellow dance instructor (Gay) repeated this as the reason a local night club owner (also gay) gave for closing her night club.
That gay people don’t drink very much and so aren’t profitable enough to have a night club open.
Huh? Okay, I know next to nothing about the gay lifestyle. I have some gay friends, but it’s not like I query them about their lives and how “gay people live” (jeez).
But after visiting the only other “alternative” bar in Anchorage, we (a fellow group of dancers from another club) noticed that it WAS rather quiet etc.
This isn’t true is it? My immediate thought was “that sounds like a silly (but not meant to be derogatory) generalization”. But, not being gay, maybe I just don’t have a clue. And the dance instructor laughed too when I said “No way!, she SAID that”???
Or, maybe it’s just that Anchorage gay people aren’t drinkers.
I wasn’t sure whether to put this in GQ or here, but it seemed something that might become a debate, so I settled on here.
I don’t drink much more than a glass of wine on occassion. I suppose a certain amount of it comes from lack of stereotypical “need”. Gay men don’t need to drink beer with the guys to fulfill some sort of macho look. We, quite obviously, aren’t afraid to look “gay”.
I spent a week partying with some gay friends. During that time, we all drank way more than was good for any of us. They were hardly teatotalers. Priam, this is not a flame, but your statement …
… says that heterosexual men “drink beer with the guys to fulfill some sort of macho look.”
You can’t refute a stereotype with another stereotype.
You wouldn’t believe the amount of Diet Coke sold at a Gay bar.
That said, there are certainly a large number of Gay alcoholics, as with any minority.
But regarding to what your friend said, yes, Gay bars are no longer what they used to be. Gay men, especially younger ones, do not spend 10 hours a week in a gym to blow it all on 10 beers at the bar on Saturday night. This does not mean they are Saints…some go home with/without someone and have a few, or they might toke up, or even do other vices…but as far as owning a Gay bar, the heydays are long over.
I’m an occasional drinker, although I couldn’t recall the last time that I actually got “drunk”. And I rarely go to bars, gay or straight, preferring to drink at home so that I don’t have to drive or get a ride.
Quite honestly though, my aversion to gay bars has less to do with alcohol than other factors. I’m just not into “the scene”.
Was this nightclub more of a place for gay males, or more of a place for lesbians?
If the former, I have a hypothesis: In straight bars, it is expected that guys will open up (ahem) negotiations with a woman they’re attracted to by buying her a drink. In gay male bars, that may not be the case – all of the “Hello, sailor, buy me a drink?” drinks that would otherwise be sold may be sitting there not getting bought.
tracer, not quite. The quid pro (li)quo® transaction is quite alive and well in the gay community. I’ve wasted more than a few dollars on “potentials” that didn’t pan out, although I rarely drink myself*.
*the reason being demonstrated by my birthday last weekend, when I drank NINE Long Island Iced Teas and got no more than buzzed…just not worth the money and effort.
I’m smiling at your first statement!!! This is the first bar I’ve been to in Anchorage that had diet 7up!! (smiling at your second one too, NONE of us are saints, are we??).
I’ve had gay friends since leaving HS, but I know nothing, and certainly asked nothing about their lifestyle (partly from my own uncertaintity and partly from just simply not wanting to be nosy/rude etc).
I felt fairly comfortable for the most part dancing at this bar, but was wondering (our dance group is new here, and it was our first nite there), if the clients disliked our being there?
The gay bar that I occasionally went to to dance, well it was back in the 80s, and I don’t remember any such discomfort/unsureness. But here, I couldn’t help wondering, “are we intruding”?
The other dancers were friendly and welcoming, (but then, that’s dancers whereEVER one goes), the other customers didn’t seem to pay any attention to us whatsoever, what do you guys think?
We were really impressed by this instructor’s choreography and he said he’d teach us some of his dances next week.
We’ll keep on going, as long as we’re welcome, how do we make sure we are behaving well and not unintentionally being insulting or rude to our “hosts”?
Sorry if I sound so “stumbling over my tongue” here, I AM darn uncertain of the appropriate way to behave, and want to make sure my manners are up to par, I kind of feel as if I’m in a foreign country, trying to learn the language. I guess I’m trying to ask, are there certain “rules for straights in a gay environment” that we should follow?(hope I’m making sense).
Well, the bar touts itself as an “alternative” bar. Anchorage isn’t really big enough (I think, though I’m not a business person), to support a male gay bar, and a separate lesbian bar.
Again, I hope I’m not being insulting by my curiosity here. If I am asking things too personal, please let me know.
Anyway, we (the dance group) visited and had a drink at the bar on Wed nite, so we could check out the dance floor, and find out the times etc.
Then on Thurs. nite we went to the lessons. Both nights were pretty quiet, people having a drink and talking quietly (much nicer than a “regular” bar let me tell you!!!).
I saw some snuggly dancing among the girls there, but that was it as far as PDA. And it was kind of nice not to have to worry about enough leads!!!
I have kindof a funny story though, my partner for lessons was a guy, who left in a hurry as soon as the break came. I think he had belatedly figured out that it was an “alternative” bar
No biggie, there were other tall girls there who were practiced leads, which is nothing new for us either. But it was kindof funny!!!
I don’t think there’s any correlation between being gay and drinking. My best friend is gay and we go out to gay clubs they are always packed with people. My friend drinks a lot as well, I can’t remember a night when he hasn’t drank a lot when we’ve gone out. We always end the night having to try and hold each other up! Just the other week he was out 5 out of 7 days drinking until 3am then having to get up a 6:30am for school (naughty boy!) The club we were at has lots of gay/lesbian people drinking. Maybe the clubs you guys were at wern’t as popular or something, I don’t know…
The Primary Rule: Don’t go hetero-nuts
What I mean by that is I’ve seen straight people (mostly guys, but more than a few women) go crazy in gay bars making sure EVERYONE KNOWS THEY’RE O MY GOD SO STRAIGHT DON’T HIT ON ME!!! Keep cool, relax, and be yourself.
Which ties into the Seconday Rule: Being hit on is a compliment.
If someone of the same gender is hitting on you, it means you’re an attractive person. Go you! So what if you’re not interested? You’re not interested in every person of the opposite gender either, but hopefully you don’t flip out then. Simply say you’re not interested and elaborate if you feel like it.
Remember: A gay bar (not a mixed dance club, but one where the vast majority are homosexual) operates in reverse to most of the world. Just as we tend to assume everyone outside is straight (hetero-assumption), we tend to assume everyone inside is bi or gay (homo-assumption). Most of us don’t mind if we’re wrong, except for a slight bit of frustration that someone is unavailable.
