I’ve recently developed an interest in industrial/EBM/electro music and, after attending a very cool party at a club in Indianapolis last year at Gen Con, I’ve been trying to find a place around here that plays similar music.
I found one in the local entertainment mag–they have industrial night every Wednesday. Only thing is, a little more web searching turned up the fact that the place is a gay bar.
I’m pretty innocent, club-wise–I’ve only been to two or three nightclubs in my life, and the spouse is the same way. He promised to go with me if I found a place, but he’s a little uncomfortable with the gay-bar idea. I told him I’d do a little research to find out more info, so here I am.
Can the gay folks out there give me some idea of what a rather boring straight couple should expect at such a place? I realize every place is different, but just on general principles will we stand out? Be welcome/unwelcome? Be ignored? All we want to do is listen to the music and dance a little.
I’m not completely certain that the actual industrial night is a gay event–it might be just that it’s the bar. But I figured a little foreknowledge is a Good Thing ™.
My wife and I regularly visit gay bars here to dance and listen to music. We’ve always been welcomed. It amuses my wife when I’m asked to dance by other men, and on occasion I’ve accepted with no repercusions. I do draw the line at blow jobs in the bathroom, however.
Industrial night at a gay bar… you might want to check if it is men only, it might be.
The main “rules” for straight visitors to a gay bar are don’t stare, and don’t get your knickers in a twist if somone hits on you (“No thanks, I am with somebody” is fine you don’t have to go on and on about how you are straight :D).
It should be fine, but don’t be super-surprised if you notice some hostility, the club in question might have recently had a problem with straight people playing “lets all go to the zoo”.
Thanks for the tip about asking if it’s all men–I’ll check before we go, but I don’t think so. The pics they have on the website show men and women, at some of the DJs are female.
I am a frequent visitor of guy bars and clubs being a straight girl with lots of gay friends. What I have found is that there are many different levels of “gay” bars. Most that I go to have a healthy mix, defenitely more gay than straight but very fun indeed. But there are some that I just will not go to because when I am there I am thinking to myself “what the hell am I doing here?” I am out-numbered 100 to 1 and I just feel like I really don’t belong there.
I say just give it a look see. I enjoy a couple of the gay bars I go to much more than some straight bars I have been to. A lot of times I just find the atmosphere more friendly and laid back, and the music’s better.
Most of the tips given out earlier are good, especially just being cool. In many ways a gay bar can be a foreign land with its own customs and attitudes, so expect some stuff to go over your head. Don’t get in a tizzy if you aren’t sure whats going on because it probably doesn’t involve you precisely, but if it does then just ask somebody if possible. Most people don’t care if you’re ignorant about something if your intention is to correct that ignorance politely.
For example: someone wearing a dress could be a guy or a girl or someone in the process of one to the other. Your best bet is to revert to the pronoun they seem to be dressed for. And don’t piss off any drag queens that may be present (although industrial night probably won’t have tons).
Always keep in mind that people go to a gay bar for reasons rather different than why people go to a straight bar. It acts as a community center, a safe zone, and a dating pool all in one for lots of GLBT folk. Many times it can also be the only place a queer feels they can let their guard completely down and the last thing they wanna deal with is offensive behavior from straight people. Don’t stare, don’t point, don’t feed the bears . We like straight people. Most of our parents were straight people. Some of our best friends are straight people. We aren’t out to get you unless you put off the vibe that you’re out to get us in our own space.
Oh and scope out the place very briefly beforehand (even if its just walking by or something). If you’re in a larger city, gay bars tend to niche their clientele and some you may not want to go in. I wouldn’t bet on this being the case if the bar in question is advertising their industrial music night in an entertainment mag, but sometimes you can be in for a rude surprise. To provide illustration, in Cincinnati there’s a club I won’t name which is infamous for its pool table orgies on some night. You can generally pick up the vibe of such places pretty quickly.
So, to sum up:
Don’t be rude
Do try to be relaxed
If you can’t do one of the above, don’t go.
I got talked into goin to a gay bar once. (That’s what I get for being the only guy partying with five women) I was SO insecure about going at the time I asked one of the ladies in our group who I had only met just a few hours earlier, to pretend to be my girlfriend and to stick by me at ALL times. (I asked her because she was the only one that didn’t acually HAVE a boyfriend.) She agreed; so I agreed.
Anyway once I got there I realized that “Eh, this ain’t so bad” I started to feel pretty comfortable with myself. I EVEN got to the point to where I didn’t care if the woman I mentioned earlier stood by my side at all times or not. (althogh admitablely I still wouldn’t let her wonder too far off)
At least I thought I was doing fine. That was untill I had to go use the restroom. I suddenly had this uneasy feeling in my stamch because I realized that this was something I couldn’t do with my “pretend” girlfriend. So I held it in for as long as I could untill I felt lilke my blatter was going to pop like a water balloon. I go in use the bathroom, do my bussiness and low and behold NOTHING happened to me! Go figure.
After all that, I started too losen up and had a pretty good time there. It was funny. Me and one of the girls in the group went up to the bar at the same time to get a drink. While we we’re waiting for the bartender to take our orders; I leaned over to my female friend and said “Hey whatch this. I’ll bet he takes my order before he takes yours!” She laughs and says “OK your on!” Well, he comes to take our orders and guess what? HE TOOK HERS FIRST!
It still cracks me up to this day:
Here I am, a straight guy, getting all offended becuase the gay guys aren’t hitting on me. And ironically this was the VERY thing I was affraid was going to happen in the first place!
Given the genre of music I wouldn’t be surprised if that club already has a bunch of straight and/or bisexual clientele. Just be prepared for alot of leather, assless pants and a good deal of sub-dom play going on.
In truth, if you get any attitude I would imagine it would be because you’re new to the music (“goth”) scene and not because you’re straight.
Well maybe. Some clubs have that feel, many don’t. Some are just out and out dance clubs and some are more bars than clubs. Some are hook-up spots and some are simply hang-outs. Some are country bars (tend to attract the chaps and jeans type) and some are techno/disco style. The spectrum varies wildly.
Given the genre of music, I doubt its gonna be at the country bar, but I know a few regular dance clubs around here that do industrial one night a week. Your first assertion is probably right, though. If they don’t already attract a fairly mixed clientele, they’re probably trying to do so.
