The MTF friends I had conversations with were strongly equating womanhood with external performance. You weren’t the one accompanying them to the makeup counter at the mall or going shopping. I was, and we had deep conversations about what it meant to be a woman and being feminine. There are big differences between the culture of the cosmopolitan cities like Montreal and the smaller cities and towns of the American Midwest. It’s like being on another planet, particularly if you’re part of the GLBT community. Gender presentation and gender roles may seem open to choice in progressive areas but they ain’t here. People still ask, “so… who’s the man in your relationship?” So, my “critique” (as you say) is not exactly uninformed. The Midwestern culture of this area (St Louis) does, in fact, overwhelmingly equate womanhood with feminine performance – and my trans friends have grown up embedded in the culture. It’s not an easy thing to bypass, even when you are deeply questioning what it means to be a woman or man.
Speaking of the “marking” of gender, I was actually reprimanded by some guy seeing me come out of a women’s bathroom at the stadium here in St Louis. “Hey buddy, what are you doing in there?” Ironically, I was about 7 months pregnant at the time and wearing clothes that were all bought in the women’s side of the department store. My gender mark? I had short hair! (And I was wearing a big fuzzy hoodie to keep warm, which probably hid the bump.) This is how backwards it gets in the Midwest. I kid you not. (Most of my acquaintances are not out at work and will butch or fem it up as needed to keep under the radar.)
But the point of the thread was this: would you date someone who was trans? And my answer was based on the people that I have directly come in contact with and their attitudes about gender performance.
Straight and voted no. For me, the point of dating was finding someone to spend the rest of my life with. That includes reproducing with that person. So while I would have no problem being friends with a transgendered person and might even be attracted to them, dating would simply be leading myself on.
I haven’t read the whole thread, so please forgive me if someone has already said what I’m about to say: I answered “I’m straight and it’s no problem for me”. Well, I am straight, and it wouldn’t be a problem for me except that I’m happily married, for more than 20 years now. So it’s not like I have a hot ‘dating life’ going on!
The funny thing about the man I married is how masculine he is. Before I started dating him, I found androgyny to be a huge turn-on. I still like it a lot. I was in love with Adam Ant, Tim Curry and David Bowie! (Anyone reading that list can tell what era I grew up in!)
My husband, alas, nothing androgynous about him! He does have beautiful hands (usually considered ‘piano-player hands’, but in his uber brainy family, considered ‘engineer hands’), with long, slender fingers. And he has long, thick black eyelashes and black curly hair. But he is as guy-looking as guy-looking can be!
But hey, you fall for who you fall for, right? Anyway, I heard Tim Curry came out some years ago, so that took him off my map anyway!
But if I was single, out in the dating scene, and started dating a guy I really liked, then found out he used to be a woman, wouldn’t be a big deal to me, except that we’d have to think harder about how to have a family.
This. At this point in my life, I’m not interested in investing time in dating anyone who doesn’t seem have at least the potential for settling down and starting a family with, so my answer is no. As lovely a person he might be, a FtoM person isn’t going to be able to have biological children with me.
So… there are a lot of you out there who would rule out with a “hell no!” a non-transsexual who just happens to be unable to have children?
Just curious. I married my spouse knowing he couldn’t have children - it just wasn’t an issue for me. Children not required. Is it really that common that people would rule out someone otherwise ideal because they can’t have biological children?
Honestly, the idea squicks me out a little. Probably, if introduced to someone and told that they were trans, I’d have trouble being attracted to them. But if I were in a relationship, we had been sexual, and learned that she was trans afterward, I probably wouldn’t break it off, because I’d be invested enough in her to overlook it and the surgeons’ work had clearly been good enough to pass.
It’s not politically correct, and it’s pretty heteronormative, but that’s my honest answer.
I’m curious as to whether the one on the left is typical of FtM results after testosterone therapy. I may have to revise my opinion - there are some very attractive FtMs out there and, well, let’s just say their reach would be adequate.
Bisexual woman, and I voted ‘don’t know.’ I find androgeny to be rather beautiful on most people, and could see myself being very easily attacted to a person with both male and female traites. But actual transsexuality comes with a whole lot of baggage, and it’s not baggage that I’m readily familiar with either. Is there a transex community? Culture? What would I need to know before becoming a part of that culture through dating or marriage?
I live in a conservative community, and have seen two obvious (MtF) transvestites in my life. Maybe they were transexuals as well (I suspect one was), but I was never actually aquanted, so I couldn’t say. The question, to me, is a lot more complicated than, “Could I be with a woman who had a penis or a man with a vagina? (yes) or a person who had altered their sexual organs to best fit their gender, with hope of function?(a lot more iffy)”
Just for the record, because a couple people in this thread have mentioned being attracted to androgyny and therefore possibly attracted to transsexuals, most of the trans men I know/have met are not androgynous. Scruffy, hairy, and short tend to be more apt descriptions.
Oh, and since I am at work and can’t click the link, is the pictured trans male porn star Buck Angel?
Since one of the desires of my life is to reproduce with my lifepartner, I ruled out anyone I couldn’t do that with. That would exclude any sterile person, not simply the transgendered. I don’t know how common that particular requirement is, but I expect most people have a few “make-or-break” issues about who they want to partner with.
I figured it was, seeing as he’s pretty much the only trans guy with name recognition in the porn business these days. I’ve butt heads with him once or twice online over political issues, but he does seem like a nice enough guy in general.
I’m bisexual. I dated a male who was really struggling with his gender identity. Sometimes he would cross dress. Sometimes we experiment with gender roles in the bedroom. I enjoyed my time with him, but we realized that we were “meant to be.”
I ran into him (now her) a few months ago. She’s a hot looking chick. I’d do her.
Well, I did him. If there’s one thing you learn about transsexuals, they’re very adamant about their new sexuality… they’re a whole new person now. I never did Kathy,* though I did Kevin.
