And when I say “best sex,” I mean more mind blowing than you ever thought possible. We’re talking multiple orgasms coming (no pun intended) like machine gun fire, intermixed with soul shatteringly deep ones that last for an hour or more. All your previous sexual experiences combined seem tepid by comparison to the previous night’s activities.
You roll over to compliment your partner and discover that:
[ul]
[li]If you’re straight, it was obviously a night of hot gay sex[/li][li]If you’re gay, it was obviously a night of hot heterosexual sex[/li][li]If you’re bi, your partner was the most repulsive person you’ve ever met IRL[/li][/ul]So, how do you react? Do you say anything? Or do you try to get the hell out of there without disturbing the other person? Or do you say, “Meh” and go with the flow?
Frankly, I have no idea of how I’d handle the situation, other than to be in shock.
To me, it’s a nonsensical question. I would never be able to enjoy having sex with a man, and I would never be able to not tell that I was having sex with a man.
A better question would be, what if the partner told you, “I’m actually a post-op transsexual.” That would be plausible situation. If this were the case, well, I would imagine I’d be pretty disgusted. I don’t know why and I can’t explain why - it’s a visceral feeling, a feeling that I did something very wrong. And I would feel deceived, too.
And I’m someone who doesn’t harbor an ounce of anti-gay or anti-trans sentiment. It’s a fine lifestyle, but it’s not for me.
And by the way, don’t interpret the above to mean that I’m saying that your sexuality is a “lifestyle choice.” I’m not one of those who believe that nonsense. My point is just that homosexuality is one way of being, and my way of being (heterosexual) is another way.
I’d compare the situation to being served food or a drink, eating it, and then being told there was something disgusting in it. Even if it tasted good, the psychological effect of knowing what was in it would probably make me puke.
:dubious: This is the words of someone with no anti-trans bias? You’'ll have to forgive me, but I’m unconvinced. At least, take a moment and imagine how somebody who is trans would take being compared to something “disgusting” in food. (I signed up just to say that! At 6AM. Not sure what that says about me.)
Anyway, so as not to completely hijack the thread, I’ll answer the OP’s question. I think I’d fall completely in the “meh” catagory. I have zero sexual attraction to men, but what the hell? Fun is fun.
I always say, there’s no analogy you can use that isn’t going to piss someone off.
I thought about covering my ass by adding that I’m not calling trans people “disgusting,” but I didn’t want to have three posts in a row. So I’ll say it now: I don’t find trans people to be disgusting. I did use that word in reaction to how I might feel after unknowingly having sex with one, and maybe it was too strong, so I apologize.
I don’t have an anti-trans bias. I have a bias against having sex with trans people. Namely, because I find the idea of getting it on with someone who once had male genitals to be weird. OK? I’m not going to lie about how I’d feel. I’m just trying to be honest.
Having an anti-trans bias would be me being opposed to people getting sex changes, which I’m not. It would mean me being unsettled at the idea of shaking hands, sharing a cigarette or having a conversation with a trans person, which I’m not. It would mean me thinking that the decision of other men to have sex with post-op transsexuals was wrong or disgusting - which I don’t.
So whether you trust me or not when I say I have absolutely nothing, in the slightest, against ANY sexual orientation or gender identity, is up to you. But I hope I have explained myself.
And, welcome to the Dope, AqualungBats5th. I hope your first impression of me is not as a bigot or homo/trans-phobe! This board is not a place of intolerance or prejudice, and I’m proud to be a member of something where all are welcomed - so if I did anything to lead you to believe otherwise, I’m truly sorry.
I was assuming that one was waking up after amazing sex but also having been extremely drunk the night before, to the point where not only were one’s inhibitions lowered enough where sex that would normally NOT be preferential sound like a great idea, but where one had forgotten that detail upon waking up until the partner was checked out. I could be wrong, though, since I can’t figure out how else the situation might occur.
In my case, since I’m married (and in a monogamous relationship) I’d be in a whole fuckload of trouble regardless of who I woke up next to, so my answer doesn’t matter. Assuming I wasn’t - I don’t know. I’m definitely straight (but not narrow!) and there’s more to a relationship than great sex regardless of whether the person is male or female. If I couldn’t see spending time in a relationship with someone outside of bed, it’d probably have to be a weird but great one-night-stand and that’s it. (The same would be true for me if I woke up next to a random guy - just because the sex was great it wouldn’t mean that there was necessarily any reason for a relationship to continue.)
I’m not pissed-off, I’m long resigned. And this is the reason I stopped dating more than 20 years ago, despite having been (20 years ago), slim, pretty,sexy and quite popular. If even a non-bigoted, open-minded, gay- and trans-friendly guy like you finds the idea of sex with a transperson personally disgusting (or at least disturbing, something you would never want to do) . . . well, basically, that it. I fold. I’m out.
Having not had sex with anyone nor dong any drugs or drinking in the past 25 years, I would immediately go to the hospital for urine and blood tests, a rape examination, and then file charges against the idiot.
Eve, I’m not sure that’s fair. A non-bigoted, open-minded gay- and trans-friendly guy can find the idea of sex with another guy to be personally disgusting; a lot of them do, just as a lot of gay men find the idea of sex with a woman to be personally disgusting. Folks’ personal sexual preferences are highly idiosyncratic and should not be tied to their political or ethical beliefs.
True, there’s a pretty small niche of guys who want to have sex with post-operative transsexuals, and if you’ve given up on dating because finding a good guy in this niche markets too damned difficult, that makes sense (and is pretty sad). But if you’re just disappointed because the folks with a friendly political attitude toward transfolks don’t have a sexual preference that includes transfolks, I think that’s a strange approach; it seems to me akin to a lesbian who’s upset that lesbian-friendly feminists aren’t ready to jump into bed with her.
To the OP, I also have to assume that I’m single at the time, or else the question gets too complicated by my utter horror at infidelity. Assuming I’m single and that happened, I’d be pretty freaked out. Strange as it may be, while I don’t put much of my identity into being a man (if I woke up tomorrow as a woman, I don’t think there’d be much psychological adjustment for me), I do put a lot of my identity into being attracted to women. If I woke up tomorrow realizing I was sexually attracted to men, that’d blow my mind. I’d probably react badly in the short term, going “Gaaaah!” a lot, and leaving the situation quickly and without much in the way of explanation; I’d then come back later, miserably, to try to work things out with my partner from the night before, and mess the situation up even worse. Eventually I’d find some way to come to terms with it, though.
To me asking this hypothetical question is like asking: “What if you suddenly found yourself on the surface of the sun and you were cold? Would you wear a jacket?”
Best answer I can give is that I agree with Argent Towers. Hind sight is 20/20. The after thought would ruin anything I thought was so “great” about it previously.
I’m a 99.999 percent gay man, in a 19-year monogamous relationship. I can’t imagine having better sex with anyone, male or female, than I already have with My Guy.
That being said, if I were not in a relationship and if I found myself in the OP’s situation, I’d have to give a great deal of thought to that extra 0.001 percent. Is this a woman I really care about? Do I love her? Do I feel that we’re “soul mates”? Do I get along with her in a million important and trivial ways? I’d need to have a long conversation with her and with myself, to sort things out.
I’d like to think that there wouldn’t be any “ewwww” going on in my head, but in all honesty I can’t be sure. I’d probably want to be intimate with her again (assuming she’d want it), just to confirm that we do, in fact, connect so perfectly that way. But the bottom line is that I’m just not attracted to women, and regardless of the sex, I really do need a man in my life.
Regarding transexuals: Many years ago I did in fact spend a night with a female-to-male transperson, and I knew it before we became intimate. He totally identified himself as male, and I perceived him as male, so there was no problem whatsoever.
Yep, that’s about it. 20-some years on the dating market taught me it just was not going to happen. Look how hard it is for non-trans people to find The Special Person! Add Baby’s Little Secret into the mix, and, well . . . Fortunately, I am too old and fat for anyone to think of in that way anyway, and I am contentedly settled into spinsterhood.
It’s just not very pleasant to be reminded (as I was in a recent thread) that “I make people throw up,” is all.
Thanks! No problem at all, I’ve been lurking on and off long enough to know better.
See, I disagree that this isn’t a bias. There are a million shades of grey in biases.
Myself, I completely understand having a bias against sweaty action with men - the thought is enough to gross me out. But the difference is that a trans-woman isn’t a man. And it’s important that you specified post-op. We aren’t talking about a man in women’s clothing here. After surgery and hormones you might not even be able to tell she was trans unless she told you. Hence, you’d have had sex with a woman. And what’s left to freak you out? Her chromosomes? It’s an anti-trans bias, small as it may be.
For the record I’m not trying to call you a bigot, just maybe a little misinformed (or not, I’m making an assumption with that).
I don’t think it’s really possible for me to remember really hot sex with a guy. The best sex ever sort of by definition involves a vagina. I guess it’s hypothetically possible to have okay sex with a guy, but not the best ever. I think I’d have better sex masturbating, quite frankly, even under the best possible circumstance (unless he had some spectacular breast implants.)
OTOH, if I woke up only to discover my partner were a post-op, I’d just shrug and carry on. I’d probably rethink re-doing the previous night, but if it were as awesome as the night described before, I’d still do it (in a manner of speaking.) It’s just that IME, while post-ops can be attractive both personality-wise and looks-wise, they still aren’t sexually attractive to me, which is unfortunate since I’m always open to possibilities for pleasure. (FWIW, I thought a post-op I met IRL was attractive but just was simply not attracted to her even before I knew her former genital configuration.)