Bubba goes off for his freshman year in college. Not only is he the first person in his family to go to college, he’s the first person in his whole village. So when he comes home for the holidays, he’s something of a celebrity, and the whole town gathers around.
“So, son,” says his Pa, “what’d they learn there at that high-falutin’ college?”
“πr2, Pa,” says Bubba.
“What’d you just tell me?” says Pa.
“πr2,” repeats Bubba. Pa slaps him across the face.
“Goddammit, boy!” exclaims Pa. “They didn’t learn you nothin’! Pie aren’t square! Pie are round! Cornbread are square.”
(Mom was tellng us that one before we even knew what π was.)
How do you set bass clarinets on fire?
With burning oboes.
What does a mathemetician do when he’s constipated?
He works it out with a pencil.
Paddy Englishman, Paddy Scotsman and Paddy Irishman walk into an Internet Cafe. The attendant says to them “Paddy E, you can log on here, Paddy S, you can log on here and down here Paddy I, you can log on.”
The attendant comes back a few minutes later to see if everything is all right. Paddy Englishman is doing online poker, Paddy Scotsman is surfing for pr0n, and Paddy Irishman is squatting over the keyboard taking a big dump.
“Jesus christ!” says the attendant, “What the hell do you think you’re doing???”
"What’s wrong?"saying Paddy Irishman, “You told me to log on to this computer.”
In the c programming language, the statement c++ means “add 1 to the variable named c”. But this statement itself is also the name of a version of the language with object-oriented extensions, c++.
In the still-popular business language COBOL, the equivalent would be the statement above. Some compilers would reject ADD… TO… GIVING as you can only use TO or GIVING, not both. Most would not allow COBOL as a variable name. However, for joke purposes, saying ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL is deemed to be the equivalent in COBOL of saying c++ in c. So (presumably) that would be the name of the new programming language.
Then unsuspecting chlorine felt a magnetic pull
She looked down and her outside shell was full!
Sodium cried “What a gas, be my bride,
And I’ll change your name from chlorine to chloride!”
