I love reading geeky joke threads. I got one of my favorite QM jokes (about Heisenberg driving past the speed limit) from this board.
I was just Googling “quantum machanics jokes”, and I found some funny ones I’d never heard before
I just told someone this one the other day:
An engineer, a physicist, and a mathematician are shown a pasture with a herd of sheep, and told to put them inside the smallest possible amount of fence. The engineer is first.
He herds the sheep into a circle and then puts the fence around them, declaring, “A circle will use the least fence for a given area, so this is the best solution.”
The physicist is next. She creates a circular fence of infinite radius around the sheep, and then draws the fence tight around the herd, declaring, “This will give the smallest circular fence around the herd.”
The mathematician is last. After giving the problem a little thought, he puts a small fence around himself and then declares, “I define myself to be on the outside!”
There are 10 kinds of people in the world…
Those who understand binary, and those who don’t.
(an oldie, but a goody)
My favorite engineer joke:
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly. “Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”
Another that gets quoted a lot in our household:
A pastor, an artist, and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to have a wife or a mistress. The pastor said, “It’s better to have a wife, of course; it’s God’s plan!” The artist said, “No, it’s better to have a mistress, because you can retain passion and mystery without being trammeled by domesticity.”
The engineer said, “You’re both wrong. It’s better to have a wife AND a mistress.”
“Why?” they asked.
Engineer: “If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done.”
I’m stealing this from a recent Family Guy, with a slight variation:
Why was Heisenberg’s wife frustrated?
Because when he had the time he didn’t exactly have the energy, and when he had the position he didn’t exactly have the momentum.
The Gambler asked the Engineer to figure out witch horse would win next weeks race. The Engineer promised that he would work on the problem and get back to the Gambler. After a few days, the Engineer called the Gambler and told him that he had solved the problem. The Gambler rushed down to the lab to see the results; “Well? he said, witch horse will win?” The Engineer unveiled a chart and began" First, we assume that each horse is a smoothly rolling frictionless sphere…"
Yes, there are extroverted engineers. You can tell because when they talk to you, they look at your shoes.
There are 10 type of people in the world…
Those who understand binary, those who don’t, and those who don’t see a tertiary joke coming.
An engineer, a biologist and a statistician are out in the woods, hunting deer. Soon, a large buck walks into a clearing and stops to eat.
The engineer takes out his bow and fires, missing the deer 5 metres to its right.
The biologist takes out his bow and fires, missing 5 metres to its left.
The statistician shouts, “Got it!!”
Geekiest joke I know of. It’s an XKCD, of course.
An engineer, a physicist, and a computer programmer are out for a leisurely Sunday drive. As they are cresting the top of a giant hill, their brakes suddenly give out and their car hurtles downward, crashing devastatingly into a tree.
After catching their bearings, all three immediately try to figure out the cause of the vehicle’s malfunction.
The engineer scoots under the car, checking the brake lines, transmission and fluids.
The physicist starts scribbling down equations factoring in the temperature, humidity, and viscosity of the brake fluid.
The computer programmer says “Hey, let’s push the car to the top of the hill and see if it does it again!”
TOP TEN REASONS TO DATE AN ENGINEER:
- The World Does Revolve Around Us … We Pick the Coordinate System
- Find Out What Those Other Buttons on Your Calculator Do
- Know How to Handle “Stress” and “Strain” in Relationships
- Parents Will Approve
- Help with Your Math Homework
- Can Calculate Head Pressure
- Looks Good on a Resume
- Free Body Diagrams
- High Starting Salary
- Lifetime supply of “Dilbert” calendars
TOP TEN REASONS NOT TO DATE AN ENGINEER:
- T-Shirt and Jeans Are Formal Dress
- Considers “Posting to the Internet” a Social Life
- Flames Like a Monster, Speaks Like a Pussy Cat
- Works from 6:30am to 7:30pm Daily, No Morning Kisses, and No Evening Walks
- No Matter How Hard You Cry and How Loud You Yell, Just Sits
There Calmly Discussing Your Emotion in Terms of Mathematical Logic - Listens to Everything from Bach to Prince, Hates Classic Rock.
- Twinkie and a Jolt 6-Pack Is a Seven Course Meal
- Talks in Acronyms (TIA)
- Can’t Leave that Damn Pencil Off Ear for One Minute
- Will File for Divorce If You Call in the Middle of Debugging their C code
====================
On the train to a math and engineering convention, a group of math majors
and a group of engineering majors sat in the same car. Each of the math
majors had his/her train ticket, but it became clear that he group of
engineers had only ONE ticket amongst them. The math majors started
laughing and snickering.
When one of the engineers said “Here comes the conductor”, all of the
engineers went into the bathroom. The math majors were puzzled. The
conductor came aboard, said “tickets please” and collected tickets from
all the math majors. He then went to the bathroom, knocked on the door
and said “ticket please” and the engineers stuck the ticket under the
door. The conductor took it and left, and the engineers came out of the
bathroom a few minutes later. The math majors felt really stupid.
So, on the way back from the convention, the group of math majors had one
ticket for the group. They started snickering at the engineers, for this
time the whole group had NO tickets amongst them.
When the engineer lookout said “Conductor coming!”, all the engineers went
to one bathroom. All the math majors went to another bathroom. Just before
the conductor came on board, one of the engineers left the bathroom,
knocked on the other bathroom, and said “ticket please.”
===========================
A rather inhibited engineer finally splurged on a luxury cruise to the
Caribbean. It was the “craziest” thing he had ever done in his life.
Just as he was beginning to enjoy himself, a hurricane roared upon the
huge ship, capsizing it like a child’s toy. Somehow the engineer,
desperately hanging on to a life preserver, managed to wash ashore on a
secluded island.
Outside of beautiful scenery, a spring-fed pool, bananas and coconuts,
there was little else. He lost all hope and for hours on end, sat under
the same palm tree. One day, after several months had passed, a gorgeous
woman in a small rowboat appeared.
“I’m from the other side of the island,” she said. “Were you on the
cruise ship, too?”
"Yes, I was, " he answered. “But where did you get that rowboat?”
“Well, I whittled the oars from gum tree branches, wove the reinforced
gunnel from palm branches, and made the keel and stern from a Eucalyptus
tree.”
“But, what did you use for tools?” asked the man.
“There was a very unusual strata of alluvial rock exposed on the south
side of the island. I discovered that if I fired it to a certain
temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. Anyhow,
that’s how I got the tools. But, enough of that,” she said. “Where
have you been living all this time? I don’t see any shelter.”
“To be honest, I’ve just been sleeping on the beach,” he said.
“Would you like to come to my place?” the woman asked. The engineer
nodded dumbly.
She expertly rowed them around to her side of the island, and tied up
the boat with a handsome strand of hand-woven hemp topped with a neat
back splice. They walked up a winding stone walk she had laid and
around a palm tree there stood an exquisite bungalow painted in blue
and white.
“It’s not much, but I call it home.” Inside, she said, “Sit down please;
would you like to have a drink?”
“No, thanks,” said the man. “One more coconut juice and I’ll throw up!”
“It won’t be coconut juice,” the woman replied. “I have a crude still
out back, so we can have authentic Pina Coladas.”
Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted the drink, and they sat
down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged stories, the woman
asked, “Tell me, have you always had a beard?”
“No,” the man replied, “I was clean shaven all of my life until I ended
up on this island.”
“Well if you’d like to shave, there’s a razor upstairs in the bathroom
cabinet.”
The man, no longer questioning anything, went upstairs to the bathroom
and shaved with an intricate bone-and-shell device honed razor sharp.
Next he showered – not even attempting to fathom a guess as to how she
managed to get warm water into the bathroom – and went back downstairs.
He couldn’t help but admire the masterfully carved banister as he
walked.
“You look great,” said the woman. “I think I’ll go up and slip into
something more comfortable.”
As she did, the man continued to sip his Pina Colada. After a short
time, the woman, smelling faintly of gardenias, returned wearing a
revealing gown fashioned out of pounded palm fronds.
“Tell me,” she asked, “we’ve both been out here for a very long time
with no companionship. You know what I mean. Haven’t you been lonely,
too…isn’t there something that you really, really miss? Something
that all men and women need? Something that would be really nice to
have right now!”
“Yes there is!” the man replied, shucking off his shyness. “There is
something I’ve wanted to do for so long. But on this island all alone,
it was just…well, it was impossible.”
“Well, it’s not impossible, any more,” the woman said.
The man, practically panting in excitement, said breathlessly: “You
mean… you actually figured out some way we can CHECK OUR EMAIL
HERE!!??!!”
===============================
> Real Engineers…
>
> Real Engineers consider themselves well dressed if their socks match.
>
> Real Engineers buy their spouses a set of matched screwdrivers for
> their birthday.
>
> Real Engineers wear moustaches or beards for “efficiency”. Not because
> they’re lazy.
>
> Real engineers have a non-technical vocabulary of 800 words.
>
> Real Engineers think a “biting wit” is their fox terrier.
>
> Real Engineers know the second law of thermodynamics - but not their
> own shirt size.
>
> Real Engineers repair their own cameras, telephones, televisions, watches,
> and automatic transmissions.
>
> Real Engineers say “It’s 70 degrees Fahrenheit, 25 degrees Celsius,
> and 298 degrees Kelvin” and all you say is “Isn’t it a nice day”
>
> Real Engineers give you the feeling you’re having a conversation with
> a dial tone or busy signal.
>
> Real Engineers wear badges so they don’t forget who they
> are. Sometimes a note is attached saying “Don’t offer me a ride
> today. I drove my own car”.
>
> Real Engineers’ politics run towards acquiring a parking space with
> their name on it and an office with a window.
>
> Real Engineers know the “ABC’s of Infrared” from A to B.
>
> Real Engineers rotate their tires for laughs.
>
> Real Engineers will make four sets of drawings (with seven revisions)
> before making a bird bath.
>
> Real Engineers’ briefcases contain a Phillips screwdriver, a copy of
> “Quantum Physics”, and a half of a peanut butter sandwich.
>
> Real Engineers don’t find the above at all funny.
A Programmer and an Engineer were sitting next to each other on an
airplane. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if he
wants to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to sleep so he
politely declines, turns away and tries to sleep. The Programmer
persists and explains that it’s a real easy game. He explains,“I ask a
question and if you don’t know the answer you pay me $5. Then you
ask a question and if I don’t know the answer I’ll pay you $5.” Again
the
Engineer politely declines and tries to sleep.
The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, “O.K., if you don’t know
the answer you pay me $5 and if I don’t know the answer I pay you
$50!”
Now, that got the Engineer’s attention, so he agrees to the game. The
Programmer asks the first question, “What’s the distance from the earth
to the moon?” Then Engineer doesn’t say a word and just hands the
Programmer $5.
Now, its the Engineer’s turn. He asks the Programmer,“What goes up a
hill with three legs and comes down on four?” The Programmer looks at
him with a puzzled look, takes out his laptop computer, looks through
all
his references and after about an hour wakes the Engineer and hands
the Engineer $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 turns away and
tries to return to sleep.
The Programmer, a little miffed, asks, “Well what’s the answer to the
question?” Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands
$5 to the Programmer, turns away and returns to sleep.
==============================
Part 2:
You might be an Engineer if…
If you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
If you enjoy pain.
If you know vector calculus but you can’t remember how to do long division.
If you chuckle whenever anyone says “centrifugal force.”
If you’ve actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
If, when you look in a mirror, you see an engineering major.
If it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
If you frequently whistle the theme song to “MacGyver.”
If you always do homework on Friday nights.
If you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
If you think in “math.”
If you’ve calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
If you hesitate to look at something because you don’t want to break down its wave function.
If you have a pet named after a scientist.
If you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
If the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schroedinger’s Cat experiment.
If you can translate English into Binary.
If you can’t remember what’s behind the door in the science building which says “Exit.”
If you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there’s a wind-chill factor in the lab.
If you are completely addicted to caffeine.
If you avoid doing anything because you don’t want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
If you consider ANY non-science course “easy.”
If, when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
If the “fun” center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
If you’ll assume that a “horse” is a “sphere” in order to make themath easier.
If you understood more than five of these indicators.
If you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.
If you think it might be a neat idea to send this message to all of your friends in the form of e-mail.
If you think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.
If you rearrange the dishwasher to maximize the packing factor.
If you tell your spouse “I can fix that”, even if you can’t.
If your child takes things apart because that’s what Daddy does.
If you reprimand your child because she destroyed your Lego creation.
If you spell engineer, INJUNEAR.
If you have a college degree but get confused when trying to use a screwdriver.
If you have the centerfold from “Design News” magazine hanging in your office.
If you are on the balcony of the 24th floor of the Hawaiian Hilton during beautiful sunset and all you can think of is the fact the balcony was built by a guy with a big beer belly and only a high school education.
If you go to the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects.
If you find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage handling equipment.
If your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight.
If you casually mention what you do for a living and people’s eyes glaze over.
If you mention you are an engineer and people want to know what it is like driving that big old train.
If you mention your career and the first thing people want to know is if you can set the clock on their VCR… and you CAN!
If the microphone or visual aids at a meeting don’t work and you rush up to the front to fix it.
If you can remember 7 computer passwords but not your anniversary.
If you can type 70 words a minute and you¹re NOT a department assistant.
If you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already.
If you have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.
If in college you thought spring break was a metal fatigue failure.
If your father gives you a present and steals the directions, just to see how long it takes before you have it taken apart to see how it works.
If your father sat 2 inches in front of your family’s first color TV with a huge magnifying lens to see how they made the colors. And you grew up thinking that was normal.
If your girlfriend refuses to go to Hawaii with you unless you buy some white tennis shoes to replace the black ones, that don’t match your white socks.
If your software adds up to more than the cost of your car.
If you think specs are not eyeglasses.
If you look into a computer store and the salesman is intimidated.
If people accuse you of knowing how to build a watch.
If you have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since your wife married you.
If you are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.
If your favorite place in San Francisco is the Exploratorium.
If you have never lost a science question in trivial pursuit.
If you know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use.
If your internet bill is larger than your long distance charges.
If your favorite magazine is Popular Science.
If you can type 70 words a minute but can’t read your own handwriting.
If you are in scuba class and help the instructor calculate the pressure changes at depth.
If people groan at the party when you pick out the music.
If you can’t remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week.
If people hound you for pocket protectors at Halloween time.
If you did the sound system for your senior prom.
If your physics teacher is talking about loop-the-loop roller coasters and gives you extra credit because you have one on your T-shirt.
If you know where every Fry’s electronics store is, and they gave you a frequent buyer’s card.
If you ever forgot to get a haircut…for 6 months.
If your checkbook always balances.
If you go to the electronics store and salesman asks you the questions.
If your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her.
If your wrist watch has more buttons than a telephone.
If you have more friends on the internet than in real life.
If your favorite James Bond character is “Q”, the guy who makes the gadgets.
If you thought the real heroes of “Apollo 13” were the mission controllers.
If you rooted for HAL, the computer in ³2001: a Space Odyssey.²
If your wife has to hide the tool box every time you buy a new appliance so you won’t take it apart to see how it works.
If you end up answering more customer questions at Fry’s electronics than the salesmen.
If you have the internet on speed dial.
If your only dress shirt has short sleeves.
If your dress clothes come from Sears or Ross.
If you think your computer looks better without the cover.
If you think that when people around you yawn, its because they didn’t get enough sleep.
If you believe anything worth doing is worth doing right… on a computer.
If you are afraid to go to the bathroom at work in case you might miss the next two generations of computer technology.
If you bought your wife a new CD-Rom for her anniversary.
If you spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
If your favorite comic strip is Dilbert.
If you have Dilbert cartoons or screen savers.
If you are wine tasting and find yourself paying more attention to the corkscrews than the ‘84 Chardonnay.
If you know all the last names of every Star Trek character.
If instead of buying groceries, you end up buying software.
If you measure the ID and OD of the donut before picking it up.
If you go to a pickup joint and ask the girl her E-mail address instead of her phone number.
If you look up the map to visit the next door neighbor.
If you say good night to your computer before going to bed.
If you refuse to fill up gas tank before the fuel indicator shows empty.
If you turn on your computer before the room light when you go home after work.
If you make use of Pythagorus theory before cutting the birthday cake.
If you take your 2-year-old to science fiction movies.
If you sit down in the middle of the party with your camera and the manual to figure out how to operate it.
Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
Dilbert is your hero.
Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery,and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room .
If your IQ is higher than your weight.
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure.
People groan at the party when you pick out the music.
The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don’t work and you rush up to the front to fix it.
The only jokes you receive are through email. (OUCH)
The salespeople at Circuit City can’t answer any of your questions.
The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind.
You and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception.
You are always late to meetings.
You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling .
You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud.
You are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera’s flash attachment.
You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.
You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.
You bought your wife a new CD ROM drive for her birthday.
You can name six Star Trek episodes.
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
You can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary.
You can type 70 words per minute but can’t read your own handwriting.
You can’t write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
You don’t even know where the cover to your personal computer is.
You ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.
You forget to get a haircut (for 6 months!)
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects
You have “Dilbert” comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.
You have ever purchased an electronic appliance “as-is”.
You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what’s inside.
You have introduced your kids by the wrong name.
You have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery Channel and have seen most of the shows already.
You have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.
You have more friends on the internet than in real life.
You have more toys than your kids.
You have never backed up your hard drive
You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
You introduce your wife as “mylady@home.wife. <mailto:mylady@home.wife.>”
You know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use.
You know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
You know what http:// stands for
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids’ toys.
You need a checklist to turn on the TV.
You own “Official Star Trek” anything.
You own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don’t remember where they are.
You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
You see a good design and still have to change it.
You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
You stare at an orange juice container because it says “concentrate.”
You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.
You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.
You think that when people around you yawn, it’s because they didn’t get enough sleep.
You truly believe aliens are living among us.
You use a CAD package to design your son’s Pine Wood Derby car.
You want an 24X CD-ROM for Christmas.
You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa).
You window shop at Radio Shack.
Your checkbook always balances.
Your father sat two inches in front of your family’s first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal.
Your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine, 2. Fat 3. Sugar, 4. Chocolate
Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.
Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.
Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
Your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz Pentium.
You’re in the backseat of your car, she’s looking wistfully at the moon, and you’re trying to locate a geo-synchronous satellite.
You’ve already calculated how much you make per second.
You’ve ever tried to repair a $5 radio.
=======================================
You may be an engineer if agree with 20 or more:
Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.
Dilbert is your hero.
Everyone else on the Alaskan Cruise is on deck peering at the scenery,
and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room .
If your IQ is higher than your weight.
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.
In college, you thought Spring Break was metal fatigue failure .
People groan at the party when you pick out the music.
The microphone or visual aids at a meeting don’t work and you rush up to the front to fix it.
The only jokes you receive are through email. (OUCH)
The salespeople at Circuit City can’t answer any of your questions.
The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind.
You and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception.
You are always late to meetings .
You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling .
You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say it out loud.
You are convinced you can build a phaser out of your garage door opener and your camera’s flash attachment.
You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.
You are next in line on death row in a French Prison and you find that the guillotine is not working properly, so you offer to fix it.
You bought your wife a new CD ROM drive for her birthday.
You can name six Star Trek episodes.
You can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie.
You can remember seven computer passwords but not your anniversary.
You can type 70 words per minute but can’t read your own handwriting.
You can’t write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines
You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.
You don’t even know where the cover to your personal computer is.
You ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project.
You forget to get a haircut (for 6 months!)
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see how they do the special effects
You have “Dilbert” comics displayed anywhere in your work area.
You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.
You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
You have ever owned a calculator with no equal key and know what RPN stands for.
You have ever purchased an electronic appliance “as-is”.
You have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.
You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what’s inside.
You have introduced your kids by the wrong name.
You have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery Channel and have seen most of the shows already.
You have modified your can-opener to be microprocessor driven.
You have more friends on the internet than in real life.
You have more toys than your kids.
You have never backed up your hard drive
You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
You have used coat hangars and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.
You introduce your wife as “mylady@home.wife. <mailto:mylady@home.wife.>”
You know how to take the cover off of your computer, and what size screw driver to use.
You know the direction the water swirls when you flush.
You know what http:// stands for
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids’ toys.
You need a checklist to turn on the TV.
You own “Official Star Trek” anything.
You own a set of itty-bitty screw drivers, but you don’t remember where they are.
You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.
You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
You see a good design and still have to change it.
You spent more on your calculator than you did on your wedding ring.
You stare at an orange juice container because it says “concentrate.”
You still own a slide rule and you know how to use it.
You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.
You think that when people around you yawn, it’s because they didn’t get enough sleep.
You truly believe aliens are living among us.
You use a CAD package to design your son’s Pine Wood Derby car.
You want an 24X CD-ROM for Christmas.
You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa).
You window shop at Radio Shack.
Your checkbook always balances.
Your father sat two inches in front of your family’s first color TV with a magnifying lens to see how they made the colors, and you grew up thinking that was normal.
Your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine, 2. Fat 3. Sugar, 4. Chocolate
Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place.
Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest sci-fi movie looking for technical inaccuracies.
Your laptop computer costs more than your car.
Your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner.
Your wife hasn’t the foggiest idea of what you do at work.
Your wrist watch has more computing power than a 300 MHz Pentium.
You’re in the backseat of your car, she’s looking wistfully at the moon, and you’re trying to locate a geo-synchronous satellite.
You’ve already calculated how much you make per second.
You’ve ever tried to repair a $5 radio.
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Finally, if you’re looking for a bit of self analysis, consider taking 500-point advanced nerdity test.
Obligatory link to Weird Al’s " White and Nerdy" (YouTube)
Two atoms are walking down the sidewalk when one stops and says “Oh, noes! I lost an electron!”
“Are you sure?” asks the other atom.
“I’m positive!”
Joe Frickin Friday: Rather than cutting and pasting huge chunks of material that was posted elsewhere (or forwarded in a long string of emails), pls. make an effort to choose one or two particularly good jokes.
Thanks,
twicks, MPSIMS mod
What’s Hilton + Wilding + Todd + Fisher + Burton + Burton + Warner + Fortensky + . . . ?
A Taylor Series
Also, Joe Frickin Friday (not picking on you, just making another suggestion) you can post your favorite and give a link to the rest of the list. That way, the people that are interested can still read them, and everyone else doesn’t have to scroll through so much.