Reddit Thread: What's the most intellectual joke you know?

Great thread! Here.

Not sure cross-posting social media streams here is… right.


Note on refrigerator: “Ernst, what did you do to the cat? It looks half-dead!”

Three logicians walk into a bar.

The bartender asks, “Do all three of you want drinks?”

The first logician thinks for a moment, and says, “I don’t know.”

The second logician thinks for a moment, and says, “I don’t know.”

The third logician then says, “Yes.”

Whoops, sorry, I didn’t know.

Maybe you guys can explain this one to me:

Two old men, one French and one Spanish were sitting on a park bench when a beautiful young girl in a miniskirt walks by. Just as she passes them a breeze comes along and lifts the girl’s skirt up revealing she’s not wearing panties. The French man looks at the Spanish man and says “C’est la vie” and the Spanish man exclaims back “Yo tambien.”

I understand that the Frenchman is saying, “That’s life,” and the Spaniard is saying, “Me too,” but I still don’t get it.

C’est la vie sounds like Spanish for “I saw it.”

Oh, okay. LOL. Thanks.

Heisenberg and Schrodinger are out for a drive

H: Erwin, slow down! you are going too fast

S: I am going precisely the speed limit.

H: That’s just great. Now we’re completely lost!

Q: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a mountain climber?
A: You can’t cross a mountain climber, it’s a scalar.

H: Hey, did you know we have a dead cat back here?

S: We do now, jerk!"

Two chemists walk into a restaurant. The first chemist says, “I’d like some H2O, please.” The second chemist says, “I’d like some H2O, too.”

The first chemist enjoys his drink. The second chemist dies.

Ohm climbs out of the trunk, too, and fights with the cop over the dead cat, thus being arrested for resisting.

Out of the Volts-wagon?

Conserve energy: Commute with a Hamiltonian
(This bumper sticker saying was invented by Enid Sichel for an American Physical Society contest.)

This is similar to the one I came to post, but I always tell it in two parts.

Q1: What do you get when you cross an elephant with a grape?
A1: Elephant grape sin theta.

Q2: OK, so what do you get when cross a mountain climber with a mosquito?
A2: What are you trying to pull? You can’t cross a scalar with a vector!

Sixteen sodium atoms and the caped crusader walk into a bar. And the bartender saaaays…

This isn’t that intellectual or science related, but I would not have thought of it, so I give them mad credit.

I got “The image … cannot be displayed because it contains errors.”

Two funny passages in Bertrand Russell’s writings.

From the essay “Philosophy’s Ulterior Motives”:

From the chapter about Karl Marx in A History of Western Philosophy (a similar joke):

Jokes with Einstein

Thirty-five years ago, I came up with my “literary elephant joke”. In all that time, only one person (a classics major) was able to correctly answer it:

Phillip of Mastodon!