I recently was drafted from my job as elementary music teacher to high school marching band. This job puts me personally in touch with a lot of people in the community. I have since lost count of the people I have talked to with plain old bad breath. Shit people… can’t you tell your fucking mouth smells like a rotting yak orifice?
And no, my breath rarely stinks because I use plain old fashion hygene. It’s called brushing your fucking teeth.
Now I am not talking about onion breath or pepperoni breath or even cigarette breath, I am talking about dead corpose breath. That gagging-I-died-two-years-ago wafting stink that eminates from some people’s mouths. You bastards get someone near and dear to you to smell your breath and give you the low down on the aroma then give the rest of us a break ok?
And please don’t give me that shit about stomach problems that cause halitosis…fuck that… brush your teeth then gargle some listerine and grab a fucking mint or keep your stinking skulls out of my general area.
Dontcha love it when you’re in an enclosed space with someone like this, like a car, and the air gets steadily fouler… reminds me of the old mouthwash commercials where you could see the greenish-black cloud filling the air. Yuck.
And sometimes the odor actually lingers after the person has left…
On a side note, if there is bacterial decomposition causing the stench, and if methane happens to be a part of this sort of decomposition, what would happen if you held a lit match up to the source of the odor?
I’m very sensitive to odors. Enough of a certain smell makes me nauseas.
My boss is the worst offender. He’s a nice enough guy, but God does he have problems. He drinks coffee constantly, but this is not coffee breath. I call it “horse breath,” but that’s not really accurate either. Of all the barnyard smells I’ve experienced nothing, not even sheep dung, compares to the emissions wafting from his open mouth.
What makes it worse is that he’s a “close-talker.” He can’t say something from across the room or even a foot away. No, he has to lean in and be nose to nose. It’s all I can do not to pass out or yak all over his shoes.
Brush your teeth? No, I don’t think so. That’s just for a start. Try flossing. And brush your gums and tongue too for good measure. And contrary to what someone once said to me: an electric toothbrush doesn’t vibrate the plaque from between your teeth. Electric toothbrushes are cool, nifty little things but you STILL need to floss!
Nice rant, aha, and one I can fully get behind. I too am sick of fetid breath that can kill a thousand elves. I’m not talking about garlic, coffee or even cigarette breath; I’m talking about the kind of breath you only get if you have teeth literally rotting in your mouth.
Get thee to a dentist! Go!
And once you fix the underlying problem be sure to just keep your mouth clean. Potty mouth is supposed to be a euphemism, not a literal description.
Oh, you mean like how I’ve got it when I get up in the morning?
It takes some hard brushing to get that crap out, lemme tell ya… and, yes, I do brush the stinkers 'fore I go to bed. I’m just a mutant or something.
The worst is when I wake up in the morning, realize I don’t have to get up for another two hours, and pull the sheets above my face… and my own morning breath gets reflected back on me, instantly snapping me to consciousness.
Hey, everyone gets morning breath. That is quite different than stale corpse breath. How can these people be unaware of their own stench? How can they be close talkers? If I feel my breath is a little stale and I don’t have a mint or gum handy, I KEEP MY MOUTH SHUT. At least when people smell like garlic or onions or booze you can say “Whoa, what did you have for dinner?” What do you say to a person with icky dead body breath? “Whoa! You know, a mortician can help you with that problem. I’m happy to recommend one.” :rolleyes:
I’m far more sorry for you that you have to direct marching band in Oklahoma! My first summer of band camp in Edmond, oh many years ago, was enough to convince me to join choir instead.
two offenders that have stayed in my mind and cause me to brush after everymeal, and buy lifetime supplies of altoids:
Back in thedays when I was hanging drywall, the boss would go home everyday and eat nasty sausage, peppers and onions…then I would have to stand close to him after lunch, I would hold the drywall in place, he would nail (the worst was ceilings). He would proceed to spend the next two hours after lunch farting and burping. Not intentionally, but damn if it didn’t make me ill.
A professor of mine, with the big ole nasty yellow teef (not teeth at this point). Teeth always had spinach or other leafy remnants. His breath smelled of a combination of coffee, and the nasty pipe tobacco he would always smoke. The flavors were usually really nasty essence of cherry or rasberry pipe tobacco. Between coffee and chain smoking, his breath smelled something like rotting shit. The worst were one on one desk crits.
Our oldest son has the worst morning breath of almost anyone I have ever met. It’s not his fault and we love him to death but before any “good mornings” happen he has to brush those teeth.
Okay, I smoke & drink coffee. But I know I do this, so I try very, very hard to not be offensive. I am never more than two feet away from my Altoids, and I use them liberally. I wait on customers all day long, and since I work for a utility and when they come in they’re already honked off, I figure the least I can do is try not to offend them any more.
I suuuuuuuuure do wish my customers would give me the same consideration, though! Yikes! Today was horrendously busy, being the day before the holiday weekend. Most of them were okay, but there were a few with that proverbial “breath that would knock a vulture off a shit wagon.” And I’ve got to sit there & smile, and be pleasant, when I just know that if they don’t stop talking, I’m going to fall right off my chair.
I must admit… sometimes, I’m a stink breath. Hell, some days, I’m a stink-guy.
I live an hour away from college, so some nights I’ll just crash at a friend’s place, usually after drinking all night, usually without any forethought to bring clothes. And usually, I’m tired enough to not get up early enough to shower before class.
So I have to go to class, in day old clothes, unwashed, unshaved, reeking of sweating-out alcohol fumes, and teeth unbrushed. I can’t imagine what people in my classes think of me.
I only do this every few weeks, though, so normally I’m nicely dressed, clean, and Polo Sport smelling… but those days… yeesh! I do my best to sit at the back of the class, away from everybody, curled in my own fetid little ball, and not speak all day. But it never works.
Did I mention I can’t use antipersperants because the aluminum gives me a rash? So I have to use deodorant only. Uck! Double-whammy!
Tim, you might consider keeping a change of clothes (or at least underwear) and a toothbrush in your car. Nothing fancy, just enough to get you a LITTLE bit fresher. Or perhaps I should say, not quite so undead.
By the way, TubaDiva told me to put peroxide on my teeth and let it sit for a few minutes, then brush with regular toothpaste. It seems to loosen the plaque quite a bit. I do this before I go into the shower, brush my teeth after I get out, and my teeth are cleaner and whiter for it. I can only imagine that my breath has improved, too. It helps keep down the plaque, so the dental toothcleanings are much less painful.
Tim, I hope for your sake that you never have to drink the dye I had to drink for an ultrasound. Trust me, peroxide is cherry soda pop compared to that dye.
Plax mouthwash will do the same job in loosening the plaque, but it won’t whiten your teeth, and it’s more expensive. On the other hand, it won’t make you gag.
There’s sloughing off routine hygiene stink, and then there’s rot stink.
“Morning mouth”, garlic/smoke/coffee breath is one thing.
But actual decay is another. True fact: most Amerind skulls sport (?) white, strong teeth. Sugars and lack of mechanical scrubbing cause the problem, along with associated dietary issues.
Another true fact: my father indirectly died of poor oral hygiene. Teeth quietly rotted–who pays attention to teeth?–until they had to be pulled. The imbedded infection spread and invaded his heart valves. Okay, cancer wrote the ticket, but his heart failed first.
We don’t eat right, which goops crud on the choppers. Interesting, the thread on finger-licking that’s cropped up in MPSIMS. Casual neglect causes incredible bacterial growth and rot on gums and teeth.
That charnal house stench is rotting flesh. It’s amazing to me that notably buffed folks worry about body fat but permit their gums to rot.
Buzzard breath is often a sign of simple dehydration. We’re basically ambulatory bags of sea water. We don’t pant like any animals; mostly hairless, we toss of heat through our skin.
But beyond hygiene, drink water. No matter how impeccable your mouth, if you’re dried out all the icky toxins will pour right out with your breath.
Keep the internal economy fuelled, and drink water.
Aha, are you implying that most marching band members have bad breathe? I’m in marching band, and none of the members of it have bad breathe…Well, there is Sweaty Mike, and he has horrible BO, but that’s another story entirely…
