Listen, you odiferous wanker, most of us DON’T live to inhale the ever-loving stench coming from that cesspool you so laughingly call your mouth. Your stink brings tears to our eyes and we the people demand that you cease and desist from blowing your putrid mouth-air all over us.
For Og’s sake man, have pity on your fellow office drones! Put fresh minty paste - or gel, but whatever you do, put SOME type of cleaner on it - to brush, scrub teeth well, preferably for at least ten minutes a pop so we won’t have to look at the accumulated crud piling up and waving hello from the front of your chops. Do this at least twice a day and everyone’s happier. :rolleyes:
It literally turns my stomach to come within ten feet of you and I can no longer abide by the gag-inducing stink you produce. It is an ordeal just talking to you for any amount of time because one cannot focus on your words as we are too busy frantically searching for an escape route to deliver us from the unbelievable stink.
You can be detected before you even round the corner. (The green fumes are a dead giveaway.) Once the smell hits us, we all flee in opposite directions. We have to draw straws to determine who gets the punishment of going over to discuss work issues with you.
I realize some people have breath issues. No harm there. Breath mints and gum are cheap and widely available. I use them myself.
It’s the people who do nothing about it and wilt everyone in their path with their deadly stink rays that I pit.
So, dear co-worker, get a mouth transplant if you have to - just do SOMETHING about that wretched pie-hole.
This is a problem with an easy, if not harsh, solution. All you need are two to three people, depending on the subject’s size and a Waterpik. Two or three people need to hold that fucker down while the remaining one deftly wields the Waterpik at the offending cavity (and cavities, perhaps). Although if the situation is a bad as you say it is, maybe a pressure washer’s in order here.
Remember, the element of surprise is crucial for this mission.
<Iron Eyes Cody>
Some people have a deep, abiding respect for the minty freshness that was once in this country. And some people don’t. People start halitosis. People can stop it. </Iron Eyes Cody>
I honestly don’t know that I’ve seen anyone worse off in the teeth department. The guy’s teeth are rotting away, so I gather any dental work he might get is either too little too late or just too expensive for him to afford anything that would help.
If he does brush, it’s not helping. When he talks or otherwise opens his mouth you can see piles of crud lodged all over his teeth. They are deep yellow with black marks here and there where they’re rotting. (shudder)
If they looked that way but there was no smell, I wouldn’t think twice about it. He’s actually a very nice guy but no one can stand to be around him because of the smell. It’s unbelievably oogy.
I think I could recruit four to five people, including one sizeable guy, to hold him down and give his teeth the Water Pik treatment of their life. He’s an average size guy, so I think that could do it.
I know a guy who can supply the HAZMAT gear. Come to think of it, we could load a pressure washer with a nice mix of baking soda toothpaste and old-style Listerine, then blast away.
coffeecat, the geological strata on this guy’s teeth are mind-boggling. :eek: We’ve got dental plans available but I fear the guy is beyond any human dentist’s capabilities.
Feel bad for him, but my nose is threatening to bail on me if I expose it to that stink again. :rolleyes:
In Australia, at least, this sort of thing is an OH&S issue - everybody understands that sometimes you can’t afford dental work, or you’re getting it done and it’s taking time, but there’s a limit to how much people should be subjected to, especially in a professional environment when you have to spend time with/talking to this person.
Has anyone thought of quietly taking it up with HR? Nobody wants to humiliate the guy, especially if he’s nice, but if his teeth are rotting out of his head then surely he must be aware of how unpleasant it is to be around him.
Any chance that this guy is a meth user? Your vivid description of the color of his teeth reminded me a lot of an article I read about “meth mouth” – the chemicals that are used to make the drug, combined with almost no saliva production, results in very fast-acting decay.
It’s bad enough to have to deal with the pain of broken teeth you can’t afford to fix (ever had a molar shatter in your mouth like a dropped plate?) without having to put up with friends and co-workers starting rumors or “quietly” asking you if you’re on drugs.
And yeah, it’s possible that this guy who is otherwise very nice (in other words, who doesn’t appear to have any odd personality changes) is a meth user, but it’s also possible that he inherited bad enamel, or just sucks at brushing his teeth, or chipped/broke a tooth and stopped brushing because it hurt too much and he couldn’t afford to get it fixed. (I know, logic not the strong point here.)
Not all the “pearly whites” out there are natural, quite a few of us have had major restoration done in our mouths (I personally, as you can probably tell by the whine-factor of the above statements, have a Corsica-worth of dental work). Just because someone can’t afford to get it fixed doesn’t make their teeth worse than everyone else’s, it just makes them more broke.
That said, if that were MY co-worker, I’d come up with a coupon where I had bought one spiffy-neat battery-run toothbrush and got one free (those things are AWESOME on the sore gums) and I would give the free one to him. I would do this even if I didn’t have a coupon. Rave enough about it and I could probably even talk him into the bathroom to try it out…
Corrvin
(who has been known to take cough syrup to work and plastic spoons and say “Would you like a spoon?” to people who drive me nuts coughing in our teensy office)
Rave enough about it and I could probably even talk him into the bathroom to try it out…